


"Don't Be Afraid, I Feel It Too"

by BiancaRowena



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Drama, F/M, Love, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Reylo - Freeform, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-29
Updated: 2016-04-02
Packaged: 2018-05-23 23:14:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 75
Words: 82,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6133448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BiancaRowena/pseuds/BiancaRowena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The battle on Starkiller base has been won, but can Rey escape her internal battle? Kylo's voice still calls to her in her sleep, and his words "I can show you the ways of the Force, " haunt her soul. </p><p>Starkiller Base was destroyed and Kylo Ren supposedly along with it. Now Rey is back on Jakku with her new companion BB-8, hoping for a little rest. But is Kylo Ren really dead? Or will he come looking for her, and for the power within her that he so longs for?</p><p>This is a fan fic sequel to the latest Star Wars movie The Force Awakens</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. After The War

I wake, from the same dream I have every night, Kylo Ren's eyes looking at me. He's reading my mind, reaching out for me, for my thoughts, all of them, every private moment, every fear... and then I reach out my hand too and the door he's opened to my mind is also open to his. 

I see his thoughts, his fears, only this time it's not that he's afraid of failing his grandfather, Darth Vader, but he's afraid that my power of the Force equals his, or may possibly surpass his with some training. And I'm afraid too, of the exact same thing, the responsibility that it would entail, the wars I would have to fight to save the Galaxy from the Dark Side.

Then our fingers touch, surprising both of us, and a power, stronger than the Force that is within us separately, ignites. It is so strong that I know we're more powerful together than anything or anyone in all space and time, even greater than Snoke. It's terrifying and I wake screaming, which startles BB-8 who rests beside my bed as I sleep.

That's how I wake this morning too, startling BB-8 and not giving her any explanation as to what I've been dreaming about. BB-8 watches me and I try to ignore her. She's usually quite chatty, except for when she's trying to figure me out. I think she sees me as her new master, now that Poe left for a flight mission and asked me to take care of her for him. Well I like to think BB-8 is a ‘she’ even though most BB units have masculine programming. She’s already becoming my BB-BFF (BB-unit Best Friend). When I asked her if she was a boy or a girl she said she didn’t know.

I wipe the sweat from my forehead. "Come on BB-8, let's get some sunshine shall we?" I nod to the door and BB-8 rolls ahead of me, clunking over the doorway. It amazes me how she is able to keep upright, even when fumbling down stairs. I step outside too. 

The sun is just rising over the horizon, reminding me of the Starkiller Base after it exploded, with Kylo Ren on it. Two weeks have passed since my light saber battle with Kylo Ren and yet it feels like light years ago. I can still see the blood coming out from his side. It's an image forever seared in my brain, like his eyes and his hand reaching out to me when he held me captive at his base. He was hurt when we fought, his red blood, red like mine or anyone else's, splashed onto the white snow at his feet. Would I have still won if it had been a fair battle?

I shake my head and push the thoughts away, looking out across the dessert. He's gone now and none of that matters anymore. The sand stretches out to the horizon, shimmering with the promise of another hot day. I take a seat at the front of my house, the foot of an old All Terrain Armored Transport vehicle. The only home I've known since I was 6 years old.

I'm right back where I started, before everything happened. Before I discovered I have the Force so powerful within me. Yet here, nothing has changed. The markings I made still cover the wall inside, there is even powder left over for the instant rising loaf I had on my last morning spent here.  
"It's like I never left," I say to BB-8.

"But I'm here now, so it's different," BB-8 replies in her little beeps.  
"You're absolutely right BB-8," I say. "And today is going to be a wonderful day. A great and average and boring day on Jakku. Just like yesterday."  
BB-8 sticks out her little lighter and lights it, in a "thumbs up" motion she learned from Finn. I smile, squinting into the sun. It rises fast, dispelling all thoughts of Kylo Ren's eyes and his haunting voice, replacing those dark thoughts with the brightness of a new day.


	2. An Unexpected Visitor

Niima Outpost is a welcomed sight. I've been avoiding the place since my return to Jakku. I'm the one who stole the Millennium Falcon from Unkar Plutt after all and he's not going to be happy to see me. But I need food and I need to be around civilization, even in its lowest forms.

As I near the tents and merchants, I see that things have changed. The signs of the battle that was fought here weeks ago are everywhere, broken tents and tables, debris from destroyed machines still lying around, outside the outpost station, burn marks on wooden posts from the shots fired by the Storm Troopers.   
I smile as I walk, remembering how I met Finn, smacking him in the chest with my fighting stick because BB-8 called him a thief for stealing Poe's jacket. The look on his face was priceless. I'm actually not sure where Finn is now. 

My smile fades. Since the First Order is after Finn for treason he's no doubt in hiding. It's probably best I don't know where he is, although he did promise to come visit me on Jakku. It was the kind of promise you know someone intends to keep. Another reason why I have to remain on Jakku. One day my family will come looking for me and they'll start here, with this planet. I refuse to let go of that hope.

BB-8's beeping finally registers in my brain "Watch out, Teedos are surrounding us!"  
I grab my fighting stick, almost too late, as three Teedos come for me all at once. I jump up, kicking one in the head and smacking the other two with both ends of my stick. But there are more than just three. Unkar must have sent every last one that works for him after me. More and more of them grab onto my fighting staff and I can't pull it out of their grasp. BB-8's beeps have become frantic. I turn to see what is happening. They've got her in a sack and are scurrying away.  
I drop the staff and throw my arms out wide. The Teedos around me fly in all directions, landing hard on the sand, a good distance away. I reach out my hand to the escaping Teedos that have BB-8 and they freeze, dropping the sack. 

For a second my resolve waivers and I almost lose my grip on them. I've never used the Force in this way before but it reminds me of when it was used on me. Kylo Ren, throwing my arm holding the gun behind my back and freezing me in place. I was afraid then, afraid because he had power unlike anything I'd ever experienced. I'd lost control of my body, my movement, and it terrified me. 

But he didn't strike me down. He never once struck me down when he had the upper hand. That's why I didn't kill him when he was down, in the snow, when we fought in the cold, dark woods of Starkiller Base. I hesitated, then the ground split in half and we were separated.  
I blink, returning to the hot dessert of Jakku. The Teedos I overpowered and scattered around me have long fled and those that captured BB-8 are still frozen in front of me, my arm still outstretched. They look just as terrified as I did the first time this power was used on me. BB-8 has rolled out of the sack and is now bumping me with her rolling body, as though to shake me from my thoughts. 

I drop my hand and the Teedos begin to move again. They run off and I almost feel bad for them. They're just doing their job. Yes they're despicable little creatures but they aren't inherently evil. Not like those on the Dark Side.  
"He didn't want to use the weapon," I say to BB-8.  
"Who?" she asks.  
"Kylo Ren. It was General Hux who was intent on destroying everything with the Death Star, the new one, the bigger one. I saw it in Kylo's eyes, the tension between the two of them and their ideas of how to use the Force and run the Dark Side."  
"Kylo? You're on first name basis with him now?"  
"Very funny. He's dead now."  
"Not to you. You see him every day."

I sigh. This robot is too smart for her own good. A shuffling around me catches my attention. I'm being surrounded again, this time by bigger and stronger locals. Unkar himself has come out from his trading post to challenge me. There may be too many to focus on all at once. I could try the explosive thing I did with my hands, that sent all the Teedos flying in all directions. But Teedos are small and light. I frown as I see weapons being pulled out and aimed at me. I may be in over my head.  
"We just want a word with you," Unkar says. I fight the temptation to take control of his mind, and see exactly what he wants. I'm not that person, I don't want to become a person who would abuse her power to invade another's mind. I'm not on the Dark Side. 

But even those on the side of the Light use self-defense. I raise my hand and the battle begins. The Teedos on foot are easy to dispel but those on Luggabeasts are closing in on me, the large animals heavy with their metal exterior. I don't fear the Luggabeasts, they're gentle giants, I fear the weapons opening fire around me. Does the Force give me powers to shield myself? Why didn't I take Finn's advice to go study at the Jedi Temple?  
I stop the first shot fired at me, but when I try to freeze the second laser beam, the first one unfreezes and almost takes my ear off.

"Stop!"  
The shout is so commanding that I do stop, we all do. Everyone's attention turns to the man who yelled the words. He's dressed in temple robes the colour of sand, his hood flapping in the wind, his face concealed. But I know who it is. I can feel his presence and the light saber beckoning to me from beneath his cape. I push back the urge to hold out my hand and have the weapon fly into my grasp. It isn't my weapon. It belongs to...

"Luke Skywalker," I rush over to him. He raises his hand.  
"Please, don't announce my presence," He says. I look back over my shoulder. The others are watching curiously but already returning to their work. Luke has come in a large ship that I'm only now noticing in the near distance. The scavengers think he's got an army with him, no doubt. And maybe he does. But for now they've conceded the fight.  
"Come," Luke says before I can ask him why he's here.

To my surprise we don't walk towards the ship but off in a different direction, out into hot the dessert. I listen to the sounds of the scavengers following us. Luke doesn't say anything so he is either ignoring them or unconcerned.   
We don't talk as we walk. The scavengers, all Teedos I think, slowly drop off. They tire out easily without Luggabeasts to ride, and head back to Niima Outpost, most likely to get water. I could use some water too.

"You can't use your powers," Luke says, stopping. We are alone now and he looks right at me.  
"I was being attacked, it was self defense. Surely the Jedi rules allow for self defense."  
"He'll find you if you do."  
"Who? Supreme Leader Snoke?"  
"No, he's already found you and is sending the First Order to retrieve you."

BB-8 makes a comment but my mind is too distracted to decipher it. I'd forgotten she was even here with us.

"You must come with me," Luke continues, "to Anch-To. The First Order doesn't know where it is yet and you can train, with me, like you should have done from the start."  
"We discussed this. I want to stay here, on Jakku. I can train here-"  
"It's too dangerous now."  
"I won't use my powers here, I promise." I can hear the desperation in my own voice.  
"If Kylo Ren finds you-"  
"Kylo Ren?" My breath catching in my throat. "He's alive?" I manage to whisper.  
"Yes."


	3. He Wants You

Luke stares out over the desert sands with a concerned expression on his face. I'm almost afraid to ask.  
"What does he want with me?"

Luke's gaze turns back to me. "I think you know."  
I swallow hard, images of our finger tips touching, the power surging, bombard my mind. I see Kylo's eyes searching mine, not intrusive, but inviting, calling to me to join with him, his thoughts almost joyful as though he's found a missing part of himself, so unlike the evil he portrays on the outside.  
"No!" I cry out, feeling that pull to him. He can't be alive. I fall to my knees and cover my face with my hands.  
"The force of the Light is stronger than that of the Dark Side, Rey. You won't fall to it. You're stronger than that," Luke says, squatting down beside me. "I can teach you the ways of the Force."

I hold back a gasp, the words pounding through my chest, "You need a teacher. I can show you the ways of the Force." They were Kylo Ren's words, spoken to me when we fought. Equally matched, he beckoned me and, although I've been denying it to myself, I faltered at his words then. I wanted to accept his invitation. My heart squeezes in my chest. They weren't angry words. He didn't threaten me. They were hopeful words. I hear them again, Kylo's voice, and I see his eyes which I can never seem to escape, both day and night.   
It isn't the Dark Side I fear I will fall to, as Luke thinks, it's Kylo's desire for me, to be one with him, in power, his yearning for me the moment he realized we are equals. All of this, unabashedly made plain in his words, which almost seemed vulnerable somehow. He didn't try to prove his strength over mine but rather he was impressed, and interested, in me. Somehow that honesty broke past my reservations and I saw him, not an evil dark lord, but just... him, lonely like me, strong but unsure... like me. If I ever see his eyes beckoning for me like that again, I may not be able to resist this time, not the call to the Dark Side but the call to be his, to be one with Kylo Ren.

"You're right." I drop my hands from my face, regaining my wits about me. "If Snoke knows where I am then Kylo Ren is on his way to get me." I can feel him drawing closer.  
"He's gone Rogue," Luke says.  
I stand up. "Rogue?"  
Luke stands as well. "Yes. He isn't with the First Order anymore. He doesn't want to rule with them or work with Supreme Leader Snoke. He wants something that can make him even more powerful."  
"I don't understand. What does he want?"  
"He wants you."


	4. All Coordinates Lead to Him

"Can I ask you a question?" I say to Luke, who is flying the large freighter ship. He nods to me and I climb into the co-pilot seat, happy to be leave the empty halls of the ship behind me.

Luke looks over at me. "You couldn't sleep?"

I shrug, not wanting to tell him that I've been trying everything not to sleep, so that I don't dream of Kylo Ren again. I don't even want to be alone with my thoughts anymore.   
"Why bring such a large cargo ship onto Jakku to pick me up?" I say, changing the subject. "Wouldn't it just draw more attention?"  
"Hidden in plain sight, as they say," Luke answers. I think about that for a moment. "This alien ship was already scheduled to do a cargo pick-up in Jakku, and these aliens aren't on good terms with the Resistance right now, so it would be an unlikely escape pod for you."  
"So how did you get this ship then?" I ask, glad to be getting my mind off of Kylo Ren. Luke doesn't answer but seems distracted with his own thoughts. His eyes are glazed over and he looks tired. 

"Do you want me to take over for you, so you can have a rest?" I offer.  
Luke rubs his eyes with his hands. He spent no more than ten minutes on Jakku before he took off into space once again, and I imagine that he's been flying this ship straight from Anch-To for a quite a while before reaching Jakku.

"The system can pretty much auto pilot from here," he says, slowly getting up. "Just keep an eye out for unexpected asteroids, or pirates."  
I smile. "I'll do that."  
I get into the pilot's chair and Luke makes his way to the back of the cockpit. "Find any food back there?" he asks.  
"There are some basics in the Mess Hall, bread, cheese…” Suddenly something occurs to me. “Mr. Skywalker, have you seen BB-8?"  
"That little robot? Probably recharging somewhere. And call me Luke."  
I nod, but keep my eyes ahead. My hand tightens on the controls. "I thought she was up here with you this entire time."  
"I'll find her." Luke's voice sounds distant now and soon he's gone.

My hand maneuvers the large ship to the right as I try to remember the last time I saw BB-8. She's always just right near my feet and I'm sure she came up onto the ship with us. Or did she? My brows furrow further. I reach over to the controls and recalculate the co-ordinates, punching them into the system. The ship rises then does a semi-circle. We're going straight up now, from our previous direction, although I suppose there is no real up or down in space.   
When was the last time I saw BB-8? She made a comment about this ship’s design, I'm sure of it. Were we on board at that time? My shoulders relax. She's got to be here somewhere. 

A sudden thump brings my attention back to flying the ship. We've hit a meteor shower of sorts. There's another thump. I lean over to the co-pilot's side, trying to reach the shields button, but can't get to it. 

"Are we being attacked?" Luke runs into the cockpit and jumps into the co-pilot seat.  
"No, asteroids," I say.   
Luke puts the shields up. "There shouldn't be any asteroids in this flight path-" He stops, looking at the co-ordinates on the console, then over at me. It takes me a second to realize that I've somehow completely changed our course. I don't even recall doing it, and the funny thing is that I haven't set the co-ordinates to take us back to Jakku, which would be an understandable subconscious thing for me to do, since I have those co-ordinates memorized.  
"Where are you taking us?" Luke asks, a curious expression on his face.

"I..." I look at the numbers on the console. "I honestly don't know." I reach over to reset the numbers but then realize I don't actually know the proper co-ordinates to where we're supposed to be headed. I'm about to get up and let Luke take over when a powerful feeling grips me and I clench my teeth.   
It's the Force. 

I look to Luke, expecting to see him react as well, but he doesn't. It's unmistakable though, the same intense feeling I had when I was in Kylo Ren's interrogation room. I see him suddenly in my mind, removing his mask and looking at me. His words whisper in my ears, "don't be afraid, I feel it too."  
I clasp my hand over my mouth. I feel it again, his presence, his connection with me like when we were reading each other’s minds. He's close, I know he is. We're heading right for Kylo Ren.


	5. Where's BB-8?

I jump up from the pilot's seat, startling Luke. He's still looking at me in confusion. He doesn't feel Kylo Ren's proximity to us the way I do. But if I can sense Kylo, does that mean he can sense me approaching too?

"I'm sorry, we need to turn this ship around immediately," I say. Luke, climbs into the pilot seat and recalculates the co-ordinates in silence. I shut my eyes tight, fighting the urge to push him aside and fly this thing straight to Kylo Ren. The intensity of this desire in me is startling.   
"I must be more tired than I thought," I say, turning to leave. If I stay here any longer I don't know what might happen.  
"Is it Finn?" Luke asks.  
"Pardon?"  
"Were you flying to Finn?"

I don't know how to answer that. The truth is, I wasn't. But it's better for Luke to think that I was, rather than guess where I was really headed.  
"He's in the Golan system, where Maz's planet is, last I heard."  
"Oh," is all I say. I hurry out of the cockpit to the ship's corridors, as far from the flight controls as possible, leaving Luke behind without even a parting comment. I can't be trusted. I don't even recall putting in the change of co-ordinates for our flight path, it was just automatic.   
What else will I do to get to Kylo? Sleep walk? Will I wake up one day and find myself in front of him with no recollection as to how I got there? The thought sends a shiver down my spine.

Should I tell Luke? Maybe he knows something about this, two people strong with the Force having a bond, possibly resulting from our connection while reaching into each others' minds at the same time, some sort of Force-Bond.  
No, I can't tell him now, not yet. I need to figure it out for myself first. I run my hand over my hair, itching to take out the elastics and get out of my desert clothes. A beeping from behind me catches my attention.

"BB-8?" I turn but find no robot there. The sound is coming from a command console in the wall. I walk over to look at its capabilities. It can detect all living and non-living forms on the ship, including cargo. I do a quick search for robotic forms on board. There are none.  
A crazy thought grips me. Does Kylo have BB-8? No, that's impossible, how would he? But even if he doesn't, the First Order is likely already on Jakku, looking for me and blasting through the Niima Outpost once again. I almost feel bad for Unkar, almost.

But would they capture BB-8 just to try and get to me? I know it would be too risky to turn back now. There's no point in even asking Luke.   
We're making distance between us and Kylo, I can feel it. The pull is dwindling, fading off. It's less of a relief and more of a depressing pain in my chest. Suddenly the emotions I've worked hard all my life to ignore consume me, the pain of being abandoned by my family, the loneliness of waiting for them for so long.   
I lean back against the wall and slide down to the floor, hugging my legs. They didn't abandon me, they were taken from me. They had to be. I don't actually remember but I know they'd never just leave me on a planet like Jakku to fend for my own. I suppose it did make me strong, but deep down it also made me weak, weak to feelings of rejection and loneliness. 

I was doing just fine until I started sharing my living space with BB-8 and became accustomed to a companion. How could I have left her behind, the way I was left behind? How could I not have checked to make sure she was with us?   
The Teedos, they must have grabbed her behind our backs. A sob chokes in my throat. I want to go back for her, but I don't trust myself. What if Kylo Ren is already on his way to Jakku for me? 

The emotions wash over me again, the loneliness and pain. In this quiet corridor I can't escape them. I close my eyes and imagine the ocean and the waves...  
He saw the same waves, when he was in my head. Kylo Ren watched them, so curious, so interested in all that was inside my mind. This whole time I'd been thinking his interest in me is solely for the Force I have within me, because I am strong with it. But as I think back to his interrogation, I remember his mind searching mine, not for the map that he was there to take from my thoughts, but just through everything, my life, my fears and pain, my loneliness. It was as though it fascinated him, as though he was interested in more than just information, he was interested in me.

"No, no, no." I get up and stand straight. I won't allow him to have this hold on me. I'll go back for BB-8. Luke will understand. Or possibly he won't. It doesn't make sense even to me, that I would take such grave risks to retrieve a small robot. But she isn't just any robot, she's my friend.  
I run back to the cockpit with determination.  
"Luke," I say, slightly out of breath as I approach the pilot seat. "We need to return to Jakku. We need to go back for BB-8."


	6. Desperate Times Call For Desperate Measures

I lied to Luke about why we had to come back for BB-8. I had to make it sound really important so I made up a story about BB-8 having sensitive information that we couldn't allow the First Order to get to. But lying was a big mistake. Now everything has gone wrong. General Hux has Luke en route to Snoke and the Resistance can't seem to find where exactly they're headed. 

I'm at the Resistance Base now. General Leia has a crew of Resistance fighters and Jedi Knights all gathered around a solar system map, discussing their rescue mission. Last time I was here I also brought bad news to General Leia, about her husband Han being killed, and now this. I swallow hard, watching her give orders and make decisions. She's so strong.  
I sit outside the circle and no one looks at me. We did locate BB-8. She had already been taken apart for parts, but fortunately we were able to locate most of the pieces, except for a few, which were replaced. The robotics team on D'Qar are some of the best in the Galaxy. Seeing her powered off and taken apart almost destroyed me. But now Leia and pretty much the entire Galaxy knows that I lied and it's my fault the First Order has Luke Skywalker. General Hux has taken over the First Order now as their commander and he's planning something, but no one knows what exactly.

"How many battle ships do we have ready?" General Leia asks.   
I don't hear the reply but the expression on her face tells me it's not enough. She can't lose Luke too, not after so recently losing Han. He was killed by their own son, Kylo Ren.   
I clench my hands into fists, remembering how Han fell down into the thermal oscillator's conduit on Starkiller base after Kylo killed him. I hated Kylo for that. It was a cheap shot, they didn't even fight. Kylo just ran his light saber through his father after regaining Han's trust.  
After witnessing that, I fought Kylo with so much anger, over Han and over all the people he'd killed or had killed by his Storm Troopers. I'd seen too much blood and destruction at his command and that anger gave me strength. The hate made me strong with the Force. I wish I could claim it was the desire for justice and goodness and the greater good that drove me, made me strong when facing Kylo, but to me, at that moment, he was a monster. He didn't have a reason to hate me as much as I hated him and maybe that made him not as strong, since the Dark Side is driven by hate. 

I gasp. Was I drawing power from the Dark Side when I fought Kylo? Is that how I defeated him on Starkiller base before it was destroyed? Do I have the Dark Side within me?  
"Rey?" General Leia says, pulling me from my thoughts. "Are you alright?"  
I look up to see all eyes on me. "What? Oh, sorry. Yes, I'm fine." 

My cheeks heat up as General Leia and the others are watching me. "We were discussing if you should join with the Resistance fighters to retrieve Luke. You did defeat Kylo Ren once-"  
"Yes! Of course I will definitely go." I stand up. "I'll do everything I can-"  
"Now hold on." General Leia holds up a hand. "The Jedi Knights think it's too soon for you to go out in battle. You need training in the ways of the Force and the Jedi code, starting with honesty and the greater good. Not to mention self-discipline to keep yourself from the temptation of the Dark Side."  
My cheeks grow even hotter. Of course she's right but...   
I nod, frowning. I can't look at the Jedi Knights around me, who have made this decision for me, but I can feel their presence, not in the way I feel Kylo Ren, even from light speeds away, but I can still feel them and it makes me uneasy. 

"Rey? Are you listening?" General Leia says, a concerned look on her face.  
"Yes. Sorry."  
"You'll report to the Galactic Capital of Coruscant in the morning, to train at the Jedi Temple. One of the Knights will escort you."  
Now I need an escort? I swallow down my disappointment. It's only myself that I'm truly disappointed in. "Thank you, General."  
She nods to me then dismisses everyone. They hurry off to begin their rescue mission.

Sometime in the middle of the night I wake from a nightmare only to find myself in another one. The Base is hectic with panic as more bad news comes in. More people dead, more planes destroyed, Knights captured, to what purpose, no one knows. But Snoke has a plan and Hux is carrying it out.  
BB-8 is at my side, silent. I can't be sure if her class of robot feels guilt but I know she's put enough of this together to realize that my coming back for her ended up getting Luke captured.

I crouch down to talk to her. "It's not your fault," I say. "It's my fault this has happened. Not because I came back for you, but because I lied."  
There is more commotion as an alarm sounds and people start to run around.  
"We need to help," BB-8 beeps. I look at her in surprise. She's just a tiny robot, there's so little she could do to help and she'll likely be killed... and yet she's prepared to go out there and fight, with whatever little help she can offer.

I'm suddenly disgusted with myself. Where is my courage, my determination to never abandon anyone? I went back for Finn when those big hideous octopus looking aliens had him on Han's cargo ship, and also when he'd been hurt on Starkiller Base, before it blew up. I never leave anyone behind. This was my fault and I'm not going to just wait around anymore. I have to do something.  
"Come on BB-8. We need a fighter plane!"


	7. "Better to Face Him Now, Than Forever Run From Him"

"We both want the same thing." Kylo Ren's voice is deep from the dark mask he wears. I'm dreaming, but this time it's different. Kylo has come into my dream, I know it's not just my imagination, but that it's truly him. I want him to take off his mask. With it on I can't see his thoughts, can't use the Force on his mind. He throws me a rock and as I catch it, I wake.  
"BB-8?" I sit up, looking around frantically. BB-8 is still beside me, in the co-pilot's chair. "How long did I sleep?" I look down at the flight console in front of me. How did I fall asleep while flying a stolen fighter plane?

"6.2 minutes," BB-8 says in a few quick beeps. the tiny spaceship is still on course. My right hand is balled up in a fist and I open it slowly, half expecting to find a rock in my hand, but it's empty.  
"BB-8, what planet are Kuiperite rocks found on?"  
"Yavin 4."

I search the star maps in the ship's system for co-ordinates to Yavin 4, then set the flight destination into the console. The ship drops and turns left. I increase our speed and before long I know we're heading in a Beeline for Kylo Ren. 

"We want the same thing," he said in my dream. Did he mean Luke Skywalker? Or did he mean we both want to stop Snoke and Hux? Either way I will get to Luke Skywalker with Kylo's help, I know I will. And desperate times call for desperate measures, right?

The trip is relatively short, for space travel, and I get more and more anxious by the minute as we near Kylo Ren. I can feel his presence stronger and stronger, and I wonder how much I can take once I actually reach him. I try to distract myself by talking with BB-8. This seems like a good time to tell her all that has been going on with me. I know she's aware that my thoughts have been preoccupied ever since my battle with Kylo Ren on Starkiller Base. 

I tell her everything, about my dreams and the connection that I feel with Kylo.  
She listens intently then says "It's better to go face him, than run from him all your life."  
"Oh BB-8, what would I ever do without you?" I lean over and give my little robot friend a hug. It's time to face my fears,...my desires? Whatever it is I'm about to face, I'm glad BB-8 will be by my side.   
The ship slows and I know we've arrived. The automatic pilot turns off so I can take over the controls. We've entered Yavin 4's atmosphere and we're ready to find a place to land...


	8. Kylo Ren's Hideout

There’s snow on Yavin 4, which I didn’t expect. It eerily reminds me of the forests on Starkiller Base.  
I fly the ship low to the ground, looking for a place to land. Just when I think the Force-Bond to Kylo feels the strongest I keep going just a bit farther and it grows even more. I look out over the land. There are no buildings or signs of life, only treetops and snow. It’s night time and the light from the planet’s local moons give a pink hue to the snow that covers everything below.

I see a clearing and hover over it. It’s time to land the ship. He's here, very close. Snow billows up around us as I land with a soft thud. Outside it’s cold, and large snowflakes are falling. I didn’t come dressed for this weather. I’m still wearing my desert garb.  
A shiver runs through me and wrap my arms around myself. “Will you be okay BB-8? In this cold?”  
“Yes, will you?” BB-8 beeps.

I smile down at her then jump out of the cockpit, landing with a crunch of snow beneath my soft soled boots. BB-8 waits patiently as I walk around the small ship and pull her out from the front co-pilot seat, then set her down in the snow.

“At least it’s not too deep yet,” I say. BB-8 gives me a thumbs up and we start walking.   
Kylo’s presence becomes ever stronger as we crunch through the snow. The large snowflakes soak through the fabrics of my light clothes. My feet are instantly wet and cold. Between the trees I see a mountain cliff side. It rises high up blocking the shine from the moons. Then an opening to a cave.

This must be it. So far I haven’t seen a ship or anything to indicate that anyone is actually on this planet. Could I have been wrong? Are these feelings that are drawing me forward not really a Force-Bond I share with Kylo? The sounds of the forest seem muted by the blanket of snow covering that covers everything. I move closer to the cave.  
A flicker of light from within the cave catches my eye. My knees almost buckle at the realization that someone is actually here. I reach behind me for my fighting rod. My hand clasps around it. Is he waiting for me? Is this some kind of trap? I look down to make sure BB-8 is still with me.  
“BB-8, you wait out here, okay?”

BB-8 starts to protest but I don’t listen. I just got her back and I don’t need Kylo Ren using the Force to drive her into a rock and smash her to pieces.  
I let go of my stick, deciding I’ll have better balance to walk through the cave by leaving it on my back.

As I approach the entrance I hear a trickling sound, like water. I walk faster, stepping over the stalagmites as I go farther into the cave. BB-8 wouldn’t have been able to make it over all these rocks jutting out form the ground. I hurry my steps, not wanting to leave her behind for too long.

My breath puffs out in front of me as I walk faster. The farther I go, the colder it gets. I glance back to the cave entrance to see if I can still see BB-8, but the cave path has turned a corner and the walls are now blocking my view. I move forward again, toward the small flickering light illuminating off the walls. Then I see it, a candle, resting in a groove in the cave wall. There are more along the way.

I turn a corner and I'm suddenly in a cave room, lit with candles. It is much warmer in here but I’m still wet with cold snow.  
I stop, frozen in place with uncertainty. Is this Kylo's hideout? I glance around the room. There aren’t any high tech things, just the basics. It reminds me of my place back on Jakku in some ways, clay bowls, dried meet, a basic bed…

Then I see him. His dark hair hangs in his face, shoulders bare above the blanket he’s got draped over his tall frame. He’s asleep. My muscles tense. It’s definitely him, and he’s definitely sleeping. It’s so unexpected. I could kill him, I could do anything, he isn’t even aware that I’m here. I've found him. I've found Kylo Ren's hideout and he has no idea I've come.


	9. Right Into His Hands

I don’t move any closer but simply watch him. His expression is peaceful and he looks younger, more vulnerable than I’ve ever seen him. Not that I’ve seen him all that much before this, but it's a side of him I haven't seen before. He stirs and I reach for my rod.

His eyes open and he looks at me. I stiffen, ready to fight. His brows furrow in confusion and he rubs his eyes then looks at me again. Then he sits up quickly and the blanket slides down to his waist.

My cold trek through the snow suddenly hits me at that moment and my body starts to shake, even my teeth chatter and I can’t make them stop. It isn't just the cold that's making me tremble.

Kylo gets up in one quick movement and his height startles me. He’s wearing dark trousers, no shirt, no socks.  
“You knew I was coming…” I say, not sure if it's a question or just a statement. I pull out my rod from behind me, wishing I had something a little more dangerous to protect myself with.

Kylo runs his hand through his hair. “How would I know?”  
It’s unsettling, seeing him in such humble circumstances. He looks around as though searching for something. Is he looking for his mask, to cover his face? Or his light saber, to kill me with? 

“The Light called me here…" I say. "The Light inside of you-“   
Suddenly Kylo’s hand comes up and I’m thrown against the cave wall. I fall to the ground.  
“There is no light in me!” he yells. His eyes are alive with anger now and he’s got me in a Force grip that I can’t break free from. He’s stronger than before, much stronger than I remember.  
He motions his hand up and I’m standing again, then suddenly I’m right in front of him. He looks me over, curiosity replacing the anger on his face.  
“You haven’t trained,” he says, his voice close to my ear, his breath near my cheek.  
I want to deny it, but I can’t. He’s right, I haven’t trained. I suddenly feel irresponsible and selfish, for taking time, too much time, to rest on Jakku and not training.  
Kylo walks around me slowly then stops in front of me again.

“You were foolish enough to think you're stronger than me, without any training, because you have the strength of the Light?” He reaches up and I flinch. “I was weak then," He whispers. "When you fought me on Starkiller Base. I’d just killed my father, a decision I had to make to fully enter into the Dark Side. There’s no Light left in me, stop trying to look for it, you won’t find it.”  
A smile creeps up on his face. I’m frozen in place and I’m angry, angry that I underestimated his strength and now he’s got the better of me. Of course he’s been hiding out, to regain his strength and power. The ways of the Jedi, the meditating, centering in on the power within, practicing self-control, it would work just as well for the Dark Side as for the Light. I look around the room. The candles, the simple life style… he’s been harnessing his power, preparing, planning.  
Despite the Force hold Kylo has on me my body can still shake.   
“Let me go,” I say between clenched teeth.

“You can’t free yourself?” Kylo asks with a smirk. He looks over me again and frowns. “You’re cold.”  
Suddenly the Force hold releases and I almost crumble to the floor with the gravity of Yavin 4. I quickly regain my composure and point my stick at him, keeping a distance between us. Kylo turns his back to me and grabs the blanket off his bed. He throws it in my direction and it catches on my rod.  
“Dry off,” he says, not looking at me.

I don’t move, not sure what to do. I do actually need to get out of these wet clothes but…  
“Who knows that I’m here? How did you find me?” He asks. "Who came with you?"  
I’m surprised by the questions. He’s asking me, rather than taking the answers from my mind. Is he not using the Force to find out the answers because he’s scared I’ll see his thoughts too, if he tries?

He moves about the room, getting a shirt and putting it on. I notice he still has scars on his body and his face, from our fight. I had a light saber then, but now I have nothing. How could I have showed up to face Kylo Ren without a real weapon? Or a plan of some sort? What was I thinking? I wasn’t thinking, and that’s the problem. I pretty much came like a sleep walker, right into Kylo’s hands.


	10. We'll Rule The Dark Side Together

“No one knows you’re here,” I say. “I came alone.” There's no reason for him to know about BB-8. “And I found you by following the Force-”  
“Don’t toy with me!” Kylo’s voice booms. His Force grips me so hard that for a moment I can’t breathe. And then he’s in my head, reading everything, going deeper, and I can’t make him stop.  
“Stop,” I growl, but he doesn’t. I watch him move toward me. His expression changes as he comes closer, his eyes studying mine.  
“You are alone… and you followed this connection you feel...” he stops, his curious expression changing to confusion, then his eyes search mine again. “You don’t dream of the ocean at night anymore. You dream… of me.”

My cheeks grow hot. “Get out of my head,” I whisper with as much menace as I can muster. I try to fight back.  
“You see us together,” he says softly. His face is so close to mine I can feel his breath on my neck. His fingers hover near my temple as he searches my mind freely.  
"Get out," I breathe. Hot anger consumes me, giving me strength. I close my eyes, fighting back. I can’t unlatch him from my thoughts but I break from his hold on my body long enough to step back and reach out my hand to him, capturing his thoughts in return. I can read him now. He considers breaking our bond, unable to decide whether he should break away or search for more information that he wants, at the expense of revealing his own thoughts. He wants to know more about Luke’s capture, which he was unaware of, and Snoke’s plans, which I don’t actually know anything about but he searches anyway.

A sea of loneliness washes over me. It’s his loneliness and it’s all consuming, frightening almost… I look further, unable to help myself. He was planning to come after me. He also has dreams with me in them, but he didn’t know what they meant. He was thinking maybe it was the Dark Side calling to me, the opposite of what I was thinking. There is more… so much pain. It’s so intense I almost cry out. He didn’t want to kill his father and the regret is killing him inside, but he continues to tell himself it was necessary, that it was his choice, but in a way it wasn’t really his choice…  
“Stop!” Kylo yells. But I don’t, I keep searching as he searches me. He sees my memories of being a little girl and my family leaving, me crying out over and over for them to come back, until I had no voice left. I don’t want him to see those memories. I go farther back in his memories. He was sent away, by his mother, by Leia, when he needed her the most…  
“Let go!” He shouts.

We’re facing one another, just like in the dreams I've had, our hands reaching out toward each other. I don’t want him to see those dreams, to understand the power we could have together. But he does see them. He looks down to my outstretched fingers and slowly moves forward. The motion pushes me back, but I resist the Force that is pushing between us, pushing us apart, the Dark and the Light, repelling. I want our hands to touch. He does too. He’s curious. His mind races with thoughts, of us, of the power we could have together, of the Dark side and the Light. 

And for a moment I see it, the Light inside of him. It is there. It is the part of him that regrets killing his father, the part that yearns to be free from the burden of following in his grandfather’s footsteps, a burden he took on a long time ago and confirmed when he killed his own father. Now he believes he can never turn back, that this final Dark act has turned him completely over to the Dark Side.

“Get out of my thoughts, Rey,” he says between clenched teeth. But he doesn’t pull away from me. He wants to try using the Force together. All we need is to close the gap, to touch while we’re both using the Force and while we're open to each other.  
I don’t know how much longer I can hold on like this, but his determination keeps us connected. We both push forward, both try to touch fingertips, but the Force of the Light and of the Dark continue to repel each other and we can’t seem to meet half-way. 

Our fingers are less than an inch away from touching, I just need to hold on for a moment longer, then we’ll be all powerful, together. We can rule the Universe, not just this one but every Universe. We’ll lead nations together and armies…  
Kylo’s eyes flicker up to mine, a look of surprise and excitement. Yes… he thinks, directing his thoughts to me. Yes, Rey… come... We’ll rule the Dark Side together… and you’ll never be alone. His last thought startles both of us.


	11. Unrested and Unready

I'm not sure who breaks away first, Kylo or me, but the release is so abrupt, and I'm so exhausted that this time I do collapse. Suddenly Kylo is in front of me, catching me from my fall and scooping me up into his arms. He carries me to his bed. 

It takes all of my effort just to keep my head from hanging to the side. Coming here by myself, unrested and unready, was a big mistake. No one knows where I am or how to find me. I've got nothing but this untrained, undisciplined power of the Force within me, which also needs my physical strength to fully work, something I'm lacking at the moment.  
Kylo sets me down carefully onto the bed and only my glare protests his action, the rest of me is traitorously grateful to lay down onto something soft. At least he isn't reading my thoughts now. I feel stupid and vulnerable and that's the last thing I want him to know. The bed is warm beneath me and I just want to curl up and go to sleep.  
What am I doing? I have to get up!   
What is he doing?   
I look at Kylo. He's watching me and I wish I had the strength to use the Force and read his mind. No, I can't use the Force just to satisfy a curiosity, it probably goes against some Jedi Code. If I'd studied and trained I would know.

I close my eyes so I don't have to see Kylo's gaze travel over me. But I can still feel it, even with my eyes closed.  
I neither hot nor cold now, just sticky from the wet clothes. I almost drift off to sleep despite myself but then Kylo's touch pulls me awake. I look down to my hand, which is now in his. He's unwrapping the cloth bands around my arms, round and round, starting with my wrist. My hand looks so tiny in his. Panic rises up inside of me and suddenly I'm reminded of everything that's wrong in this Galaxy, Luke has been captured, I disobeyed General Leia's orders, I stole a fighter plane, I'm consorting with the enemy and.... Oh no! BB-8!

I sit up fast and my head gets dizzy so I fall back down almost immediately. If I'd drank anything I would have sworn I was drugged. But I didn't and that's part of the problem too. I'd forgotten how much energy the Force requires to use and to repel when someone as strong as Kylo Ren is using it on you. I'm completely drained. I also forgot about BB-8! She's going to freeze out there! All her little metal parts, the snow soaking through her... I try to sit up again but Kylo gently pushes me back down.

"I have to go," I say, giving him as stern of a look as I can manage.  
"You need dry clothes," he replies without a hint of emotion. "I can't have a weak and sick partner helping me retrieve Luke Skywalker."  
"What?" I try to make sense of his words but I'm too worried about BB-8 to think straight. All that heavy snow is going to get into her circuitry. She's my only link to the outside world, and she's quite honestly my best friend. But I don't want Kylo to know she's with me, and that she has a link to the outside world. If she thought I was in trouble could she go back to the ship and contacted someone somehow? Are her gadget arm extensions long enough to reach up into the ship to the pilot communication controls?

Kylo sets my bare arm down gently against the warm sheets and I stifle a sigh of relief. It's nice to finally have my arm bands off. He looks down at me. "I'll bring you some dry clothes."  
I don't say anything as he goes behind a curtain to get the clothes. The second he's out of sight I get up, a little more carefully this time so I won't get a head rush. My tired muscles resist my movements, but I have to make a run for it. I get to my feet, but suddenly I can't move. Kylo's got me in a Force hold again from somewhere behind me but I can't turn around to look.

I hear his footsteps approaching, then he sets down some folded clothes, all black on a small table in front of me. I need to get away from him. I need to get BB-8. She must be wondering if I'm okay. I doubt she could radio for help but she may have tried to follow me into the cave by this point, and possibly gotten stuck between all those tall pointy rocks.

I try to fight against the hold Kylo's got on me, but I can't. He's hardly even using any effort to keep here and it's almost embarrassing. He waves his hand, not even looking over, and has me laying down again in a quick movement. I don't land lightly.   
"Please," I say, clenching my jaw. "I have to go." I can't stop a wayward tear from falling down my cheek. I've come to far with BB-8 to lose her now.  
"Why?" Kylo asks, looking over at me now. He comes to the bedside in one quick stride and sits down.  
When I don't answer he reaches his hand up to my forehead and gathers the information he needs.  
"The robot," he says, standing up. "I'll go get it while you change."   
And with that, he's gone.


	12. "A Little Training Would Hurt, Right?"

I take a moment to gather my strength, then sit up. I do have more energy when Kylo isn't using the Force to control me. I also have a reason to hurry and it gives me energy. I want to get into dry clothes, fast, before Kylo returns.

I grab the pile of black clothes he left for me and duck behind the curtain. Inside I find a bath and a toilet, both cut into the rock and both with small streams running through them. I shiver at the thought of an ice cold bath, but then notice that the water flow can be stopped on both ends. Maybe it could be warmed it up with coals…

Stop it, I tell myself. I need to get dressed and dry and get the heck out of here. The clothes Kylo gave me include a black long sleeve, like the one Finn wore, only more formfitting and shapely as though made for a female and a pair of pants, also made with the same material, and also quite form fitting. The fabric is very soft to the touch. It’s what the Stormtroopers wear under their armor. I refuse to wear the Stormtrooper armor, if it comes to it, even if I freeze to death. Well, maybe I’d wear the boots.

I feel a breeze coming in from underneath the curtain so I quickly change. The clothes feel warm against my skin, and I realize there's a pair of black socks too. I pull them on, grateful to finally have my feet warm.

Pushing the curtain aside I see that I’m still alone. A breeze is blowing through the room, flickering the candles and blowing some of them out, making the room darken. There’s a scent in the air, thick with moisture. My scavenger instincts tell me that there’s a storm coming.

I sit down on a chair beside the makeshift kitchen table. Should I go out to see where Kylo and BB-8 are? I only have these socks and the cave floors, outside this room, were running with water from melting snow and small streams between the rocks. I shiver. Kylo was right, it won’t do much good for me to catch a cold and be weak and tired. I walk over to the bed to grab one of the blankets to wrap around me. The aren’t very thick, but they’re quite warm. I’ll wait five more minutes then I’m stealing a pair of Kylo’s boots and going out to find them.

***

I wake to the smell of warm food and to my stomach grumbling. I don’t remember falling asleep but I can tell by the stiffness in my muscles that I’ve slept a while.  
I blink my eyes and look up at a rock ceiling. Where in the Galaxy am I?   
And then I remember.

“BB-8!” I cry out sitting up straight. There’s a beep in response and I look down. She’s by the bedside, as always.  
“How did you… Did Kylo bring you in?”  
“Yes,” she beeps in response. “After he chased me for a while.”  
I grin. “Sorry, I guess you didn’t know why he was coming after you.”  
“No. It was scary.”

I climb out of bed, surprised for a moment that I’m wearing black clothes, but then I remember that too. I lean down to hug BB-8 and look her over. “Did he hurt you? Did he use the Force on you?”  
“Yes. But he didn’t hurt me. He left you food.”

My stomach growls again. There’s a cup of water and a bowl of some kind of bread pudding near the bed. I reach over for the bowl and pick it up. It’s still hot. “Where is he now?” I ask, taking a seat with the warm bowl.  
“I don’t know.”

I nod, then start eating right away. It’s delicious and I could definitely eat another bowl, but I’m not about to ask Kylo for one.  
“He left you boots and that.” BB-8 opens one of her tiny compartments and points with a small tool hand to a pair of black boots and what looks like a light saber. I rush over, tossing my bowl aside. It is a light saber. Before I can turn it on Kylo steps into the room, fully dressed in his dark uniform, except for the helmet.  
“Oh good, you’re up," he says. "Get dressed and we’ll begin our training.” Then he leaves.

I set the light saber down. Training? I don’t remember agreeing to any training. I look at BB-8.  
“I didn’t agree to training with him,” I say to her, just to clarify. She twists her little body in a small movement but doesn't say anything.  
"Well, a little training wouldn't hurt, right?"


	13. Getting Back To What Matters

I’ll get some armor on and go outside, but not to train. I don’t want to hang around here any longer. I need to get back into my little stolen ship and fly the heck out of here.  
I decide to freshen up and redo my hair into elastics first, which sit on the small table by the bed. Did Kylo take out my elastics? The fact that I can’t remember is a little unsettling.

After spending a short time in the small bathroom I come out and put on the boots left for me. They’re little big but they’ll do. I want to take my desert clothes with me, I made them myself, but I can’t find them anywhere. It doesn’t matter. I won’t be flying back to Jakku first anyway. I need to go tell the Resistance where Kylo is. But first, I need to get past him.

I pick up the light saber and it turns on, the radiant heat from its light hurting my eyes. The cave room isn’t dark anymore with the few candles left dripping.  
“We need a plan BB-8. We need to get back to our ship.”  
“It’s not too far from here. Maybe you should agree to train with him, then we can make a run for it when he doesn’t expect it.”  
Just as she finishes her sentence Kylo returns again, this time he seems a little agitated.  
“Is it because you’re a female, or because you’re undisciplined, that preparing in the morning takes you so long?”  
I spin the light saber around in my hand to ready position. He did not just say that.  
“Not here,” he says, turning away. “You’ll destroy the place.” Then he walks off, his cape trailing behind him. Does he expect me to follow?

I take my time looking over armor laid out for me on the bed. It’s not the Stormtrooper armor but it’s similar, only black. Why does everything have to be black? I try on the breast plate and the belt, which has some buttons on it and electronics I can’t figure out. I leave the rest of it. I don’t want to be bogged down when I make a run for it. General Leia may not have wanted me to fight with the Resistance, but I’ll be a hero when I reveal to them where Kylo Ren is.

I pick up the light saber and set it into my belt.  
BB-8 is waiting patiently for me. I crouch down to talk to her.  
“You have a great plan BB-8. But if we run off now he probably has a ship too. He’ll follow us and shoot us down. Or at least he will no longer be here when we send the Resistance back to capture him,” I whisper. “We’ll go at night, when he’s asleep. We can radio the Resistance-”  
“We can’t send a message from here, we’ll have to fly to the outer edge of this solar system,” BB-8 beeps.  
“Right. Well it won’t take us but a few hours, right?”  
“Right.”

I stand up. With sleep and food I’ve got my wits about me now and I’m ready to face Kylo. He’s not going to get the best of me this today. And before I leave tonight I’ll get some answers out of him. But one thing is for sure, I have no interest in joining the Dark Side or being his… partner. All my life I’ve had one goal and only one, to find my family. It’s time to get back to that goal. And once I’m out of here, that’s all that matters.


	14. "Take My Hand"

I set BB-8 down on the ground in a huff. It's muddy outside and I feel kind of bad that she'll get dirty. All the snow has melted already. I look up at the sky, squinting. The sun is right above us. It's a clear day. If it stays this way until night time I should have no problems flying right out of here. It's much warmer out than the previous night. I take in a deep breath.

The crackling sound of a tree falling catches my attention and I turn around. Kylo is using his light saber on the poor trees. He slices a heavy chunk off of a large tree, then before it lands he catches it with the Force, throwing it into another tree. The crunch on impact makes me think of a human's shattering bones. A shiver runs through me. I don't think I could do that to anyone, use the Force to hurt them.

I watch Kylo practice. He's really good with the light saber, and he's also very good on his feet. His cape swings behind him as he jumps up, onto a strong branch. Can he jump higher by using the force? I realize how little I know about all this.

He sees me watching him and I quickly turn away. I hear him jump down to the ground and walk towards me but I refuse to look over.  
"Are you going to try out your light saber? Or just watch me?"  
My cheeks flare up. "I was just studying your moves."  
"Then let's see if you've learned anything." He twirls his light saber in his hand to get a better grasp on it. "You seem physically fit enough," he says, walking around me as though assessing me. "And we don't have time to build on your physical strength anyway." His breathing is still heavy from showing off with his light saber moments ago.   
I pretend to be interested in a rock on the ground, kicking at it with my boot.  
"Is that your way of giving me a complement?" I ask, just to pester him.  
He doesn't answer but stops walking around, standing right in front of me.   
I look up.   
In a split second he's got his light saber at my throat. I cross my arms in front of me in an automatic self-defense move, and push against his arm that's holding the light saber to my throat, holding him off so he can't burn my shoulder or my cheek. So he wants to play dirty does he?

I drop and do a back somersault, making him fall forward, then I roll out of the way as he stumbles into the mud. By the time he gets up I've got my light saber in my hand, ready.  
"I could have struck you down while you were still getting up," I say, breathing hard now.  
"Why didn't you?" Kylo wipes some mud from his cheek.  
I frown. A twinge of fear stirs in my belly but I ignore it.  
"Because we're only training...right?" I say, studying his expression. What should I prepare myself for? A death match? He's right though. If we train as though we really will hurt one another then we'll learn better.

He swings his light saber and I jump back. I need to get my footing so I can properly fend off his attacks. I run to a nearby clearing that seems a better place to face him in a fight then turn around, catching Kylo off guard. I swing my light saber down and he raises his just in time to stop me from slicing his body in half.  
We spar for a moment but he's physically stronger than me, so I use my climbing skills to hop up into a nearby tree and jump down in an aerial attack. Kylo is quite agile, considering his height, but I'm more agile and I can get around him and past him and duck beneath him. He grunts, swinging his light saber at me with more anger now, but missing each time. His body is lean and strong and I get caught off guard for a second watching him.

"What are you doing?" he asks, stopping inches before striking me in the head.  
"Nothing!" I say, attacking him again, but with more severity this time. I hate him for being able to distract me like that. I catch a glimpse of a smile on his face as I attack. Now he's the one who seems distracted, he fends off my attacks but isn't really fighting back.  
"What are you doing?" I breathe heavily, lowering my sword. 

He reaches out his hand to me, palm up, as though he expects me to take it. I furrow my brows at him. Is this a trick? His light saber is still lit so I assume it must be a lesson in gullibility. I swing my light saber around from behind me and slice down at his arm. He moves it just in time, but not fast enough to avoid a cut on his forearm. He cries out and I back up, confused, but still in a ready stance just in case.

"How are we going to fight together, if we can't trust each other?" he says.  
I lower my light saber but don't put it away. "What do you mean? We're not fighting together, we're fighting against each other."  
"Yes, but we stopped, and I gave you my hand."

Now I'm more confused. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do, be on my guard for an unexpected attack, or..." Or what? Or trust him? He lifts his arm arm, palm open towards me and I know what he's about to do. I block his attempt at reading my mind and he blinks in surprise, stepping back.  
"You're stronger today."  
"Yes, I am. I've rested." And I've also got some important thoughts to protect, like my escape tonight. I have to keep him out of my thoughts. "Like you said, we can't waste our strength 'Force reading' each other's minds. So we should just... communicate."  
He nods. Does he also have something to hide in his mind? He lowers his light saber, returning it to his belt. I do the same.

We stand there a moment, still breathing heavy. Then he offers me his hand again.  
"Aren't you going to do something about that scar?" I say, avoiding his invitation for me to take his hand. It reminds me too much of Finn, how he felt he had to protect me, or help me run, help me escape, by taking my hand. He was a gentleman in his own way, and he chose to leave the First Order. I admire that about him.

"Please," Kylo says. "Take my hand."  
"Why?" I step back.  
"Are you always this distrusting?" He lowers his hand.  
"Yes, always."

He nods then reaches out takes my hand in his. I fight the urge to pull away. I'm not in the mood to engage in a silly game of cat and mouse. Kylo's large hand envelops mine and he watches my expression as he holds it.  
"What are you doing?" I ask, my stomach fluttering as he runs his thumb slowly over the back of my hand.  
"There's no power... between us, just by touching."  
I shrug, but it's not true. There's definitely something powerful flowing between us and it makes me very nervous.


	15. There's No Light or Dark Side, Only The Force

"We need to figure out how this works," Kylo says to me.  
"Why would I want to work with you?" I cross my arms. "You're working for Snoke."  
"Not anymore. I was never working for Snoke. I just needed him to think that. Hux and I had different ideas, for the use of Starkiller Base-"  
"There's only one use for Starkiller Base and that's to destroy."  
"That's not true. I wanted to use it to intimidate, not to destroy, as a threat to the pirates and the-"  
"You're on the Dark Side."   
I frown. Does he seriously expect me to believe he has anything but evil plans for the Galaxy?  
"There is no Dark or Light side. There's only, the Force," he says.  
"There's also how you use the Force, for good or evil."  
"There's that."

We're standing closer now, our hands still clasped together.  
"Luke saw it too," Kylo says, his fingers tightening around my hand. "That's why he went away to Ahch-To. He knew things weren't right and he went to search for answers."  
"What things weren't right?" I ask.  
"The disorder within the Jedi and the Resistance, and everywhere that claimed to have the Light."  
"I don't understand."  
Kylo drops my hand and it feels cold without his warmth.

"Why did you kill... your father?" I ask, watching him.  
"Snoke would have had him killed anyway. He wasn't going to survive for long." Kylo stops a moment then continues. "I had to prove to Snoke that I was trustworthy, he was beginning to doubt me, beginning to see that I had other... plans. I didn't want him to see that."  
"So you killed your own father?" 

He looks up, right into my eyes. "He was a drifter. He stole merchandise and sold it for ridiculous prices. He wasn't going to save the Galaxy by flying around and making dishonest trades. His will do more now for the good of the Galaxy than he ever would have while alive. I didn't want to..." Kylo stops. He turns abruptly, his black cape swinging around. "I did what I had to do."  
"You don't ever have to kill someone," I challenge.  
"You're not familiar with the Jedi Code, are you?" he says.  
I'm not sure how to answer that so I don't say anything.

"We believe in... 'They' believe in eternal life, and don't become obsessed in mourning for those who die." Kylo turns back to face me. "Any they also believe in the good of the many outweighing that of just one person."  
Again I don't know what to say. Kylo walks off and I stay where I am. I wouldn't want to be followed, if I was him right now. Letting out a breath I didn't realize I was holding, I look for BB-8. She's a little ways off, near a tree. I know she's heard everything. And the poor little robot is a big muddy mess.  
“Come on BB-8, let’s get you cleaned up.”


	16. Tonight - Part One

Kylo wipes a small cloth gently over BB-8's intricate doors and buttons, carefully removing the more difficult spots of mud that I missed. I brought her into the cave, wiped her down with a towel then went to get changed quickly before Kylo returned. He went off somewhere to clear his head I suppose.

I threw my muddy clothes in the tub for washing and changed into a new pair of black clothes. Kylo has three pairs of extra women's clothes for me. Kind of weird when I think about it. He obviously had plans to bring me here and was prepared.

I glance over at him again. He looks relaxed as he cleans BB-8, as though it's meditative for him. The candles flicker, warming the cave and giving it a muggy feel, and a familiar scent from home. It's getting late but I refuse to fall asleep while Kylo is still awake. I blink my eyes, sitting up straighter. My body is groggy with the food I ate too much of, some kind of animal Kylo had killed. I didn't ask. It was food and I was hungry.

I can't stop from watching him now. He hasn't even removed the cape or gloves yet, sitting in front of BB-8. focused only on getting her clean. I don't think he can see me in my shaded corner, sitting on the bed.   
He uses a small spray bottle to clean around BB-8's eye viewer, the same one he used to clean out his muddy light saber earlier. She doesn't make a single beep and I can't help but smile. I don't know how robots think exactly but I can't even imagine being BB-8 right now. I wouldn't be able to handle it, Kylo's large hands moving about so gently on my face and my neck... I close my eyes, remembering how it felt to have my hand in his, when he held it today out in the woods.

"Are you asleep?" Kylo's voice brings me out of my thoughts.  
"No. I was just resting my eyes."  
"You should sleep. It's late."  
"What about you?" I look up at him. "Where did you sleep last night?"  
"I didn't. I kept watch." He picks up his light saber from the self. "I'll keep watch tonight too."  
BB-8 beeps in response. "I'll keep watch," she says.

I'm still not sure if Kylo knows her communication sounds but I've told her to be mindful of what she says, in case he does.  
"BB-8 is offering to keep watch," I say to Kylo. "She doesn't need sleep and she can see and hear farther than we can."  
"No." Kylo attaches his light saber to his belt. "I can sense when things are approaching, with the Force and-"  
"Yes and you can also get weak if you don't sleep for two nights in a row," I say. Why the heck do I care if he's weak or tired? "Or you can stay up," I shrug.

"You can both sleep," BB-8 says. "I can keep watch. I don't need to sleep." She turns to me and then I suddenly remember our escape plan. Shoot! I need time to talk to her... because... Maybe I don't want to escape? At least not yet? I rub at my forehead. I need more time to think.  
"You can lay down," Kylo says. "I'll get changed and rest in a chair. The robot can keep watch at the entrance."  
"No." I slide off the bed. "This is your bed, you sleep in it." I'll never get past him if he stays awake in a chair all night. And I took the bed last night anyway. "I'm a desert rat, I can sleep anywhere," I say, grabbing a blanket and a pillow off the bed. 

I look around the room for a comfy nook to settle into. I could move the plates and bowls off a wide shelf in the kitchen area and sleep up there, I don't need much room. I'll rest until Kylo is asleep and then BB-8 and I will have a talk.

"Take the bed," Kylo says and walks behind the curtain into the bath tub area without waiting for a response.  
I don't care what he says, I'm not taking the bed. I need to be closer to the entrance.

I hear Kylo dropping his muddy clothes into the water in the tub, with mine. Will he sleep with his shirt off again? I shake my head to dispel the image. Damn him and his nicely built physique. I've never given myself permission to be attracted to anyone in my whole life and this is NOT the time to start. Suddenly I think of Finn. He was a good man, is a good man, he's still out there somewhere. I felt a real connection to him. I really worried about him when we were out there fighting to save the Galaxy from being destroyed by Starkiller Base. It was almost cute how he kept wanting to save me from harm, and yet in the end I'm the one that kept saving him.  
BB-8 beeps. "Are you okay?"

I nod at her then lean down close to talk. She's as clean as a brand new droid after Kylo's meticulous attention to detail. "Let's talk about this after he falls asleep," I whisper to her. Just then the curtain moves aside and Kylo steps out, looking taller than usual, and shirtless again. I groan and look away. Great, how am I supposed to keep avoiding looking at him? He's going to know something is up with me. And if he 'reads my mind' I won't be able to hide my interest in his... appearance. Why are my hormones betraying me like this?

I get up and move about, trying to keep busy so I don't have to look at him. I blow out a few candles so there is less light, for sleeping. And besides, if I am going to sneak out tonight then I need as much darkness as possible. But I keep a couple candles burning around the cave. I still need to keep my eye on Kylo and what he's up to at all times.   
I make my way to the roomy shelf with the plates and move everything off of it, then lay out my blanket. I don't hear Kylo approaching but suddenly he grabs my wrist.  
"Hey, let go!" I growl at him, turning around.  
"I offered you the bed-"  
"You take it," I challenge.

"There is enough room for two humans," BB-8 beeps. We both turn to her.  
"No, BB-8," I whisper, furrowing my brows at her and shaking my head. Doesn't she have human socialization software? Well, she does or else we'd have a really hard time communicating socially, but apparently it's not adept enough for her to understand why we're not going to be using the bed together, no matter how much room it has.  
"He's right," Kylo says, his hand still clasping my wrist. My heart races.  
"BB-8 is a she." I use my anger again, to deflect from my true emotions.  
"She's right," Kylo says, looking down at me. It's hard to stand up to him when he's so much taller than me. I yank my wrist out of his hand.  
"I don't care," I mumble, turning and walking to a dark corner of the room "I'm not going to be your fighting partner and I'm not joining the Dark side."

Kylo goes to the bed and sits down. He runs his hand through his hair. "Like I said, there is no Dark or Light side, there's only the Force."  
"Well I was never on any side, light or dark," I say softly from my corner of the cave. "I was just living and existing-"  
"And waiting," Kylo adds.

I wrap my arms around myself. He's seen my thoughts, he knows how long I've been waiting for my family to return. I stand quietly in my spot, waiting for him to say something, or for him to hurry up and fall asleep already. A candle wick flickers, making little popping sounds, then dies out as the last bit of its wax drips down the side of the cave wall. It's a little darker now, but I can still see Kylo's slumped shoulders.

"I wasn't on a side either," he says. "I trained, hard. I was Luke Skywalker's nephew." He stops a moment then continues. "But the farther up I went in my training, the more I saw the disorder in the Jedi system, and everywhere. They needed order-"  
"The First Order," I say, with more menace than I intend to. All I really know about the First Order is that everyone says they're evil and trying to take over the Galaxy.  
"People needed order and I wanted to give it to them," Kylo continues. "I began to understand what my Grandfather was trying to accomplish, to see the wisdom in having one ruling Galactic authority-" He stops again, looking in my direction. "Are you going to stand there all night?"  
"No." I step forward into the light. The closest seat in the cave is also in a dark spot near the table.   
With a sigh I walk over to the bed and sit down with Kylo, as far on the other side as possible.


	17. Tonight - Part Two (A Moment of Weakness)

Kylo crosses his arms, his broad shoulders lifting. “FN-2187 left the First Order. He stole a TIE Fighter and aided a prisoner in escape, a pilot with sensitive information.”  
It takes me a moment to realize he’s talking about Finn, who escaped from Starkiller Base. I decide to let him talk, and not interrupt. I keep my eyes focused on a candle nearby.  
“He was different than the other Stormtroopers,” Kylo continues. “He didn’t shoot the civilians… when I gave the order.”  
“Well, can you blame him? Who would want to follow an order like that?” I say, unable to help myself.

“When we came to Takodana, where we found you and Finn and …” He stops and I know he was about to say his father. Han was there at Maz’s castle too. Kylo frowns. “Finn had no trouble shooting the other Stormtroopers, those he’d trained with and spent a lot of time with on Starkiller Base.”  
“Finn’s a good man-”  
“He lied to you about being with the Resistance. He’s a coward and a liar.”

I grab my light saber which I keep tucked in my sock when I'm not wearing my belt. It lights up instantly in my hand, almost hitting Kylo in the forehead. He scoots back just in time.  
“Finn didn’t kill civilians for sport,” I growl between clenched teeth.  
Kylo’s eyes glow with the reflection of my light saber. “I don’t either,” he says. “It’s for a purpose.”  
“So you’re telling me it’s all just perspective? The bad guys are good in their own eyes?”  
“And the good guys are bad in our eyes,” he adds.

I shake my head. “No, you kill innocent civilians.”  
“So does the Resistance. Stormtroopers aren’t robots, they’re humans, fighting for the side they think is right, the side that they believe will keep order in the Galaxy. They have faith in the First Order, enough to fight and die for it.”

I shake my head. He’s confusing me. “No,” I say, taking a swing at him. He blocks my attack with the Force, stopping my hand from coming down. The light saber is strong and he can only predict my moves for so long before I slice him.  
“You’re the one who’s a liar,” I say. “And you’re evil.” I tighten my grip on the handle of my light saber.  
“I may be evil,” he says, his expression growing dark, “but at least I’m honest about it.”  
“What’s that supposed to mean?”  
“I’ve seen your thoughts, Rey-”

I thrust my light saber at his chest and he rolls out of the way, leaving me to burn the bed sheets instead. Turning around I go after him for another attack but now he's got his light saber too and he fights me off.  
“You had no right to go through my memories,” I yell, scattering bowls and plates by accident as I swing at him. Kylo fends off my blows but doesn’t attack back.  
“Nor you mine,” he says calmly.  
“I hate you!” I scream, swinging harder. 

Kylo grabs my wrist, holding my light saber away from him. “I don’t need to read your mind to know that’s not true.” He forces me backwards and I hold my ground until my legs hit the side of the bed and I fall back onto it.

Kylo he pins me down, holding my wrist above my head. My light saber drops from my hand, rolling to the ground. He loosens his grip, but I can’t get out from under him. Unwanted tears swell in my eyes.

“Maybe I feel a lot different about you now, since you last read my mind,” I retaliate, but my voice trembles despite my efforts to keep it steady.  
“Since yesterday?” he says softly. He’s so close his breath is on my cheek. My chest rises and touches his whenever I take a deep breath in.

He releases my wrist and lowers himself down onto the bed beside me. There isn’t much room and we have to touch in order to both be on the bed at the same time. I push my palms up against his chest to keep him from coming too close, his skin warm against my hands, his muscles firm beneath my fingers.  
He sets a large hand onto my shoulder. “You confused me too,” he says softly, his eyes searching mine. “I was clear about my mission and how I would bring it about, until you came along.”  
“How did I confuse you?”

“When we fought on Starkiller Base. I never saw anyone look at me with so much… hate.”  
I doubt that, I think. “How could I not hate you? You and Hux were working with Snoke. You were trying to kill me!”  
“I needed Hux, and the First Order, to help me fulfill my plan to destroy Snoke. But now I don’t need them… I have you.”

I try to pull away but there’s no more room for me to back up against the wall.  
“I took off my helmet to get a better sense of you, not because you asked.” he says. “I felt... your power. I felt our connection.”  
I can’t look away from his eyes. “Is it a Jedi thing… when two people can have a connection with the Force? And share its power, together?”  
“It’s a forbidden thing.”

Kylo’s words hang in the air between us. His hand moves from my shoulder to my head and I stiffen. Is he going to read my mind again? He rests his palm on the side of my face and I close my eyes at the unexpected gentleness of his touch.  
“I won’t read your mind anymore,” he whispers, “if you don’t read mine.”  
My shoulders relax but I don’t reply.  
“We have to start being honest with one another,” he continues.  
“Is that even possible for you?” I whisper.  
“I think so.” Kylo’s thumb hovers near my lips and his fingers are in my hair, brushing the back of my neck. “I’ll try,” he says, swallowing hard. 

I open my eyes to find him looking down to my lips. A small gasp escapes me when his thumb brushes my bottom lip lightly. It feels like a soft kiss. He pulls me against him and I push back with my palms, but he’s stronger than me. I’m surrounded by his arms, my head resting on his chest, his large hand running down over my back. I close my eyes and am taken away to another time, long ago, an old memory long forgotten. Someone rubbing my back. I was young, maybe four or five years old, and very tiny. My mom rubbed my back and sang me to sleep at bedtime. For a second I see her, smiling. But then it's gone and I forget, again, what she looks like.

A sob grows in my chest and lumps up into my throat but I hold it back. I’d forgotten how my mother would sing me to sleep. I can’t hold back the tears, they burn my eyes and throat, until I finally let them escape. I don’t want my tears to get all over Kylo, but they do. His hand on my back balls up into a fist, gathering the fabric of my shirt tight. His arms tighten around me.

I take a few deep breaths and get a hold of myself, then push out of Kylo’s arms. He lets me go. I hurry into the small bathroom, picking up a candle along the way. I’m glad there are no mirrors here. It’s just a moment of weakness, I think. It won’t happen again, ever. I won’t let it.

I wash my face in a cold trickling stream that runs down into a make-shift sink. The icy water is refreshing. I hear a soft beep from behind the curtain. It’s BB-8.  
“I’m okay BB-8.”  
I watch her shadow slowly retreat from the curtain.  
Am I okay?

Yes. It was just a sad childhood memory that caught me off guard. And I’m grateful to have remembered it. No one has rubbed my back or comforted me since then, since my mother was still with me. I wipe my face with a towel then leave the small bathroom.

Kylo is sitting up on the bed, leaning forward, elbows on his knees and fingers clasped. He looks up as I approach.  
“Would you like to be alone?” he asks. I climb into the bed and curl up in a ball, pulling my knees to my chest and facing the wall so I don’t have to look at him. There’s no movement for a long while and yet I don’t fall asleep, despite how tired I am. My heart is squeezing too hard in my chest for me to sleep.

“I’ll go keep watch,” Kylo says softly, getting up.  
I turn and grab his hand. “Stay.”

He hesitates only a moment then climbs into the bed, pulling me into his arms again. No sooner are his arms around me than I drift off to sleep.


	18. Nightmare

I’m back on Jakku, in my dream, but everything is different. I walk through Niima Outpost and everyone is gone, the only movement is sand drifting in the wind, blowing over the abandoned market place. Then I see the large bodies on the sand. All the Luggabeats are dead. They’re lying on their sides with open blaster wounds bleeding into the sand. I swallow hard, blinking at the sun and sand.

I see my fighter plane in the near distance. Waves of heat travel up off the metal, the ship still hot from my recent landing. I turn and look out across the desert in every direction. Where’s Kylo? Did he come with me? Where’s BB-8?

I run back to the ship and look inside the co-pilot seat. BB-8 is not there. Then I remember, I left her on Yavin_4! I forgot her in the cave! I breathe faster, harder, unable to catch my breath, the sand getting into my mouth. I told BB-8 to wait for me in the cave while I carried some things to the ship, and that I’d go back for her and carry her out once I was done. But I forgot to go back.

“Yavin_4 is gone,” a voice says behind me. I turn, it’s Kylo. He’s fully dressed in his black clothes and wearing his helmet and cape.  
“What do you mean gone?” I say, not liking the mask over his face. It reminds me too much of when I first saw him, when the sight of him terrified me and I thought he was going to kill me.  
“The Resistance destroyed it,” he says, his voice distorted by the mask.  
“No,” I shake my head. “No, they wouldn’t. Why would they destroy it?”  
“Because you told them I was there.”  
“They can’t do that!” I yell. “We have to go back. I know we’ll find BB-8. We have to try.” Maybe she’s floating in space. She’d survive in space, she doesn’t need air. I run over to Kylo. “Please, we have to go back and look for her.”

He lifts his hand before I reach him and I’m thrown back, the Force hitting my chest like a wall. I’m tossed upward, high into the air and then land hard on the sand, getting the wind knocked out of me so I can’t even cry out. 

The the sand gives way beneath me suddenly and I scramble forward, trying to crawl out, but the movement only makes the sand sink down faster so I stop. “Kylo!” I yell, my heart pounding, my lungs burning. “Kylo, help!” My arms are now caught in the sand, on either side of me.  
I look for Kylo and see that he is still standing there.

“Kylo!” I yell. I can’t tell if he’s looking at me, with his mask on, but I’m sure he can hear me.   
He turns and walks away. An army of Stromtroopers that weren’t there before materialize in the heat waves across the sand, appearing on either side of Kylo. They all turn in perfect unison and follow after him towards his ship. I try to call out again but my chest is so constricted with the thick sand that I can barely breathe, it's already up to my neck.  
“No! Come back!” I yell with all my might. They yell frees me and suddenly I’m not in the sand anymore but in front of my childhood home, looking up at the sky. A strong arm is holding me back and it won’t let me run after the ship that's flying away. It’s my parents’ ship.

“Come back!” 

I’m a child again, watching our family ship leave without me. The hand grasping my arm won’t let me go but I have to run out and wave at them. They forgot to take me! I woke up to the sound of the ship preparing for flight. But I didn’t know we were going anywhere. My mom probably told me to get up and get dressed and pack my things, but I must have been too tired, like I always am in the morning. Sometimes I even reply and say I’m getting ready, but then fall back asleep and forget. That’s probably what happened. I was being lazy and not paying attention as usual. 

I’m always messing things up. I’m always fooling around when I’m supposed to be helping. I wander off when I’m supposed to go to the market. Once I chased after a sand creature for hours, determined to catch it, to find more of them and take them home to keep them as pets. But then I got lost and couldn’t find my way back home.

Mom was so worried about me. She wasn’t even mad like I thought she would be when they found me finally. I was sure she'd get angry at me for not paying attention to where I was going, and for not getting the bread from the market. But she didn't. I could tell she’d been crying and it made my heart hurt, because it was my fault I made her cry. Because for some reason I can't just be a good girl like I know I should be, and grow up already and learn how to do things like cook and fly a ship, instead of play with my toys all the time.

Now I’ve really messed up. Worse than I ever have before, because they’re leaving without me.  
“Come back!” I yell one final time, but I know it’s too late. My throat is dry and my voice hoarse from too much yelling. They’ll never hear me now. The ship keeps going up and up into the sky, getting smaller and smaller. They must think I’m on board already, playing with my Luggabeast toys. My mom would never leave me behind without her. She gets too worried.

If I could just get free of the hand holding me back I could run out into the clearing and wave my arms around and maybe they’d see me far down below. And then my mom would be surprised and say, “We forgot Rey!” And they’d come back right away and she’d hug me tight and cry, saying how they thought I was on board the whole time and I should listen when she tells me to get up and get into the ship because they’re about to leave. And I’d feel too bad to even say sorry because I’d probably be crying too much because I know she's right. I'm not a very good daughter, at all. I never listen. Then she’d hold me until my heart stopped racing and slowed to match her heart beat, and she’d carry me onto the ship with them and I’d be safe. She'd remember to get my toys too, so I’d have something to play with on the trip. She always thinks of things like that.

But I can’t run out to wave my arms around. I can't bring them back. I can’t get free of the man gripping my arm so tight. I turn around to see who it is. I scream. It's a black mask, melted, like a horrifying black skull. Darth Vader.


	19. The Morning After

I wake to an empty bed. Kylo's gone.  
I look down to the cave floor.  
"BB-8?"  
She's gone too.

I jump out of bed, almost knocking over a bowl of warm bread pudding that's set out on the small bedside table. Under it there's a note, written with what seems to be fireplace soot scratched onto a cloth with a stick.  
Went to search for food.

For some reason I'm surprised to see Kylo's writing. I'm not sure why. He's human after all, like me, and he probably went to school, a nice school. I smile at the scratchy looking script, but only for a second. Then I frown again. They could have woken me up. I'm an excellent scavenger and I'm familiar with hunting small desert animals for food. What help would BB-8 be anyway, in catching food?

My dark mood left over from the nightmare still weighs heavy on my heart, making it hard to have an appetite, but I decide to eat anyway. I swallow the bread pudding, not really tasting it, trying to push the images from my dream out of my thoughts, my parents' ship in the sky, the black melted mask…

I get up and start tidying up the cave. I left quite a mess from the fit I threw last night, with my light saber, when Kylo said Finn was a liar and a coward. Suddenly other moments from last night come to mind as I pick things up off the floor, Kylo pinning me down on the bed, his arms around me when I fell asleep.

I work faster, not wanting to dwell on the memories of last night, it's just too embarrassing. I'm glad Kylo wasn't here when I woke up. In fact, I don't know how I'm going to face him at all today.

I finish making the bed and tidying up. I even sweep the floor with a dried up bush that I find tucked away. I just hope is isn't some kind of important medicinal herb or a dried up tiny flower patch for Kylo's favourite tea or something.  
The cave is spotless.  
Now what?

I could wash the clothes we left in the tub. Then refill it with a new flow of clean spring water. That will take up a little bit of time. Might as well. I don't imagine Kylo will ever do it. I wish they'd hurry up and come back already.

I go into the small washroom and look into the tub. The water is dark brown with mud but there are no clothes in it. The clothes are hung on the wooden rod thing that holds up the curtain for the bathroom. And they're washed. I guess I was wrong about Kylo.

I turn back to the tub and stick my hand into the muddy water. It's freezing cold. I unplug one side to drain the water, then the other side to let a new flow of water through. I watch as the small spring washes the mud off the bottom of the tub as it flows by. Soon it's clean and running clear again. I reach down and let it trickle past my fingers, thinking about how rare clean water is on Jakku. While here it's flowing past my fingers, lots and lost of water, clean water, coming and going endlessly.

I fill the tub and stop the water flow again. If I can heat it up somehow then maybe I can take a bath. On Jakku most of the locals don't bath at all. I use a small basin of soapy water and a cloth to clean myself with daily. I used to fit into one of those basins when I was really little, but I outgrew them and haven't had a full immersion bath since I was a kid.

I get up and walk out of the bathroom to see if the small fireplace I thought I saw in the cave yesterday is actually there, or if I just imagined it. I spot it at the far end of the room and walk over to get a better look. There are still some hot embers glowing red. I look up to see where the smoke is going. There's a narrow tunnel in the cave ceiling that runs up into darkness. Kylo must have made a fire early this morning.

I grab some kindling and work the fire up again, glad to be distracted. I'll heat some stones to put them in the tub to warm up the water. If Kylo and BB-8 return before the water is warmed, then I won't have a bath. If not, then I will have a bath.

One thing's for sure, I can't spend another night here with Kylo. I don't want to ever fall asleep again, if I can help it. I've heard of deep meditation practices that are the equivalent of a full night's sleep, without the actual sleeping part. Maybe I'll try something like that.

I grab a towel from the kitchen area and pick up a few rocks that are closest to the embers, then take them to the tub. They sizzle for a second when I drop them in. I go back to the fire and wait for it to heat the other rocks. They're already warm from the previous fire.

The water in the tub does get warmer once I get all the rocks in. Well, warm enough at least for a quick bath. I'll just get in and out as fast as I can. When would I ever get another chance to have a full immersion bath?

I take off my socks, which are wet anyway from the splashes of water on the floor. The cave floor feels cool beneath my bare feet. Now for the rest of my clothes.  
I pull the bathroom curtain further shut, trying close the small gap left over at the end.  
No big deal, I tell myself, I'm just going to get in and out. There's no one here.

I take off my shirt, then climb out of my pants as quickly as possible. Somehow there's a breeze, even in here. I climb into the tub.  
The deep water feels strange and unfamiliar on my bare legs. And yet exhilarating. It's also colder on my body than it felt to my hands when I tested the temperature, but the rocks beneath my feet are nice and warm. I lower myself down, shivering slightly. The liquid movement and gentle splashing sounds around me are mystical somehow, and calming. I sit down slowly on the smooth rocks at the bottom of the tub. This isn't so bad, in fact, it's really nice.

Suddenly the curtain draws back and Kylo is standing there. I yelp and cross my arms in front of me, hugging my knees to my chest. BB-8 rolls in, by Kylo's feet. She lets out a high pitched beep then quickly rolls backwards out of the bathroom.

"Get out!" I yell at Kylo. He just stands there and I think he's about to say something, but then doesn't. He turns to leave, then turns back again, his light saber suddenly in his hand. It lights up, illuminated the small space.   
I hug my arms around me tighter. He lifts the light saber towards me, moving in closer. I scoot back on the rocks but have nowhere to go. Then he tips the light saber into the water and it makes a hissing sound, sending up steam into the air. The water boils around the crystal light, heating it up within seconds. Just as I'm about to say the water's warm enough Kylo pulls the sword out, and turns to leave.  
"You're wasting training time," he says on his way out.


	20. Suspended In You (Part One)

The air is crisp when I walk out of the cave.   
I take a deep breath of sweet mountain air, more alert and awake than I've ever felt in my entire life while on Jakku, where the heat makes everyone walk around half asleep all day.   
I look out across the forest. Everything is clear and bright with the morning sun and the scent of recently fallen rain hangs in the air. It's like the smell of wet earth and roots, which I recognize only from a potted plant I bought from Unkar once. It was taken from a cargo ship that had crashed near Niima Outpost. But the soil dried up and the plant died.  
I stretch and start walking. Where did Kylo get to? And where's BB-8? Is Kylo so much more fun to hang out with than I am? If she wasn't a robot I'd swear she was smitten with him.

I find them out near the stolen ship, playing some kind of game where BB-8 is trying to outrun a rock that Kylo throws through the air. I stop walking, seeing them enjoying their game. They're busy with whatever they're doing. If Kylo wants me to train with him then he'll let me know.  
I take out my light saber and give it a twirl. I like the feel of it in my hand. Might as well break it in a bit.

The morning's 'training session' seems to consist of Kylo and I ignoring each other while we slice and dice the trees with a vengeance. I practice my jumps and somersaults too. Kylo relies on his strength but I like to use my agility in a fight. I think it gives me a bit of an advantage. At least it always did back on Jakku, when I'd get attacked by Teedos, back before I knew I could use the Force.

BB-8 rolls around, doing her own thing. I stay close by, keeping her in my sight. Last night's dream has me on edge, or something doesn't feel quite right, like there's a disturbance inside of me that I can't escape. Maybe it's left over embarrassment from my meltdown last night. I've never broken down in front of someone like that before. Even when I was alone at home on Jakku, I didn't cry that hard.

"Are you going to train with Kylo today?" BB-8 beeps, rolling towards me.  
"What?" I stop destroying an innocent tree that happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. "I am training BB-8," I say. "Can't you see?"  
"It looks like you're trimming a tree," she replies.  
I grunt and lower my light saber. She's right. It's wasted energy.  
"Wouldn't it be more beneficial for you to train with Kylo?" BB-8 continues. She rolls closer to me and her beeps become quieter. "Are we going to escape tonight? Is that why you are avoiding him?"  
"Am I avoiding him?" I ask. Nothing gets past BB-8. She tells it like it is. "You're right. I'm avoiding him. But he's avoiding me too."

I look over to him now, in the distance through the trees. He's swinging his light saber around, spinning and ducking every now and then like he's following a fighting routine he learned at some light saber fighting school.  
He stops, like he can feel me staring at him. I was enjoying watching him. He's in great shape. Too bad he stopped. Suddenly an image of him with his shirt off from the previous night flashes through my mind, his eyes in the candle light, his arms around me.

Our eyes meet and I'm the first to look away. Am I playing some dangerous game? Am I betraying the Resistance by being here? Betraying myself somehow?  
Kylo starts to walk towards me and I turn and walk away from him, back to the cave. I'm not ready to talk to him yet.

"Rey," he calls after me.  
I don't stop, but keep going.  
"Rey!" he calls louder this time. I walk faster. If we had a race I think I'd win. I smile, despite myself, then I start to run. Let's see if he can catch me.   
I don't get too far before I'm lifted off my feet and tossed into the air by Kylo using the Force on me. I fly towards a large tree and brace myself for impact. At the last moment I remember that I have Force power too and can use it to stop myself from crashing into the tree. I push the energy forwards and spin myself around, falling down and landing in a crouch position. I look up at Kylo, who's still coming after me. There's no longer a smile on my face.

He stops walking when he sees my expression. With a loud cry I lunge forward, my hands out in front of me. Kylo goes flying backwards. I don't know how to control the Force all that well, to make it stop before he slams into the large tree behind him. I let go, but it's too late, his back hits the wood and I hear a cracking sound. I cringe. Oops.

He falls and lands on his two feet, a dark look on his face.  
"Rey, come here," he says quietly, yet loud enough for me to hear.  
I clench my fists. Is he trying to make me obey him?

Kylo crosses his arms and waits. I consider walking away, but then he'll just toss me into the air again. I must have flown over ten feet. I'm not turning my back on him this time.  
"Rey," he says again, his voice like silk. "Start walking and come here."

I start walking. Then stop. What in the Galaxy? I shake my head to clear it, but my body feels oddly loose and tingly inside. Nevertheless, there's no way I'm taking orders from Kylo right now. He could have just asked nicely, or he can let me do as I please.

"You want to walk to me," Kylo's deep voice drifts into my thoughts, distracting me, like I've got something I'm trying to remember but it keeps slipping away. I blink and squint my eyes at the sun. What was I doing again? Oh yeah, walking to Kylo.

I start moving again. Why am I walking to him? To give him a piece of my mind about his ignoring me all morning! That's probably it.  
When I stop in front of him he has a grin on his face.  
"What?" I say.  
"You came," his eyes flash with what looks like a challenge.  
"Of course I came, I wanted to come here and tell you something."  
"What is it?"

"I..." Then I remember. I didn't want to walk over here. I pull out my light saber and it instantly lights up. "You used mind control on me?" I growl at him.  
"Manipulation." He sidesteps me, unfazed by my light saber. "You should learn how to use it."  
"You don't want me to learn how to use it," I say.  
"You're right." He stops to look at me. "I don't."  
I want to be pissed off at him right now but another thought is brewing in my mind. "When you threw me from behind," I say, an idea forming. "I flew really high." I lower my light saber.  
"Enemies won't wait for you to be ready and facing them," Kylo says.  
"No, I mean, I flew. You know?"

Kylo gives me a questioning look.  
"And," I begin to pace, swinging my light saber around as I talk. "If I needed to get up high, to get away from an enemy or escape from a trap-"  
"I understand," Kylo says. He steps back and puts out his hand. "Go ahead." He nods towards my stolen ship in a nearby clearing. "I'll boost you on top of that."


	21. Suspended In You (Part Two)

“I don’t think so,” I say to Kylo, putting my light saber away. “I need to be ready. I don’t want to be blasted into the air when I don’t expect it.”  
Kylo considers this for a moment. “We’ll use hand signals,” he says, turning his palm up and raising it. “Up…” he demonstrates the hand movement, then puts his palm forward. “Stop…” He curls his fingers towards himself. “Forward.”  
“Forward? That doesn’t work-”  
Kylo locks onto me and I’m pulled forward, his hand on my throat. I grab his arm.  
“That’s forward,” he says, letting go of me.

I push him but he doesn’t even budge. “I think we need to work on ‘forward’,” I say, rubbing at my neck. Would I be able to pull him forward like that if it was necessary for some reason? I can’t imagine when it would ever be necessary, or even imagine Kylo ever needing my help in battle. And yet, he thinks that together we could take down Snoke. If he’s right, I could be a hero. We could rid the Galaxy of an evil oppressor. There’s no one else that would stand a chance at going up against Snoke. Yet I can see Kylo doing it.  
“You’re weaker than I imagined,” he says, looking me over.

I glare at him. “My throat’s fine. Thanks for your concern.” I decide to let him off easy this time. “Just give me a boost. But wait for my signal.”  
Kylo crosses his arms and gives me a bored look. He’s seriously the most impatient teacher ever. I jog over to the ship, then stop far back enough to give myself room to do a running jump. I turn and look back to Kylo. He’s still got his arms crossed, with that bored expression on his face. I roll my eyes, then concentrate. Squaring my shoulders I prepare to run and jump. My stomach tingles. Will I get tossed into the wing and get sliced in half at the waist? The wing is quite thin at the edges.

I have the Force too, I remind myself. I can help control what I slam into, if I know when the boost is coming. I glance back at Kylo again. His arms are uncrossed now, his hands outstretched and ready. I start to run, then give the ‘up’ signal with my hand at the moment I want to jump. The Force blast comes faster than I expect and I’m thrown high, much higher than I need to get on top of the small ship. My stomach flutters as I look down at the treetops below me, then I look up. The forest stretches out to a horizon of blue misty mountains in the far distance. A laugh escapes me as the wind blows over my face and I bend my knees, arching my back and doing a little twirl in the air. There is a moment of zero gravity, then I start to fall and my stomach drops.

The Force, use the Force! I look down and panic, seeing how high I am. There’s not enough time to focus on using the Force, it takes concentration and is hard to control. I fall towards a tree, the branches crack as I tumble down. I manage to grab a large branch and stop from falling to the ground, still high up in the tree.  
I look down. It’s too high to jump.  
BB-8 is rolling all around on the ground, beeping all kinds of things I can’t figure out. Then Kylo appears, a smile on his face.

“Not funny!” I yell.  
He raises his arms up. “Jump.”  
“No way! You’ll let me hit the ground.”  
“Jump, Rey,” he says again.

My hands begin to sweat and my grip loosens on the thick branch. I don’t really have a choice but to jump.  
“Kylo Ren you’d better catch me!”  
I let go and try to use the Force to slow my fall but I can’t, but Kylo can. He slows my fall, lowering me into his arms.

“Why couldn’t I use it?” I say, pushing myself out of his arms the moment I’m in them.  
Kylo sets me down. “You were scared.”  
“So? Shouldn’t I be stronger in the Force when I’m scared?”

He shakes his head. “You have to be confident. You have to believe. Fear is the opposite. Or use anger. But don't doubt.”  
Suddenly I don’t want to train anymore. I wipe my scratched up palms on my pants. “Well, we’ll figure it out I’m sure,” I say. But I don’t mean it. I can’t do this. I don’t want to. I don’t have the power, or the desire, to go up against Snoke. I need to get home, back to Jakku.

“You’ve lost your confidence,” Kylo says to me.  
I shake my head, turning away from him. “I’ve got a lot on my mind.” I start to walk away but he grabs my arm.

“Let’s try again.”  
He’s close now and I can hear his breathing. He’s been using a lot of energy tossing me and controlling me, then tossing me again.  
I sigh. “I don’t really have any other plans for today, I suppose.”


	22. Suspended In You (Part Three)

After the tree incident Kylo's a lot more careful with how high he throws me, although I ask to go higher each time, as I practice slowing my landing. He was right. Confidence is half the skill of using the Force. I toss him too and we make it into a game, getting better and better at responding to each other’s hand signals, working together.

I don't even feel hungry when the sun begins to set. I just want to keep jumping and flying through the air. But the temperature is dropping and I can see my breath in front of me. Soon it will be dark and I have no idea what kind of creatures, if any, live on Yavin_4. Yet I have no desire to go back into the cave either.

"Come on," I say to Kylo. It's harder to see him in the shadows among the trees now. "One more time?"  
He shakes his head no and starts to walk away. There's a sinking feeling in my stomach when I think of going to sleep tonight. "Kylo, please? Just once more?" I run after him and grab his arm. "I think we can do it together."  
"We tried. It didn't work."  
"Let's try one more time, to jump up and double boost ourselves. I'm more confident now. I can stop my fall... without landing on you."

Kylo runs his hand through his dark hair, looking up at one of the moons. The sky has gone dark so quickly I wonder how fast this planet actually turns. His eyes seem to catch the starlight and I want time to freeze, right here, forever. I close my eyes, solidifying the image of him in my mind. I never want to forget it.  
"One more time," he says softly.  
I smile and open my eyes. "Great! In the clearing, come on."

I start to run and Kylo follows. We've got it practiced now, our Force an extension of each other's and yet still our own. Kylo catches up to me and grabs my hand. For the first time in my life I don't mind that someone's holding my hand. He's a fast runner and my feet barely touch the ground.  
"Ready?" he calls to me.  
"Yes!" I yell back and we jump, using our opposite hands to release a burst of energy down to the ground that pushes us up, high up. I tilt my head back, the wind rushing over me. Above us the sky is full of stars.

Kylo reaches his free hand for my waist and the movement throws us into a spin. He slides his hand behind the small of my back, holding me from spinning out of his grasp. I laugh, throwing my head back, watching the stars spin. Millions of stars and planets, and then there's us, here, on this one tiny planet, alone. Somehow we ended up in the same place at the same time. 

My heart squeezes in my chest. Somewhere deep inside of me I know we'll never have this moment again. I can feel a shift coming, one that will change everything, with an outcome that no one can guess. I reach for Kylo. Does he feel it too?

The spinning has slowed and I pull Kylo closer, closing the gap between us. Thunder rolls in the distant hills and I look out across the land. The moons bathe the treetops in soft colours. We're suspended in the air, like the moment right before gravity kicks in and you fall, a second of weightlessness, only it stretches on and on. 

A cool breeze brushes my back yet Kylo's closeness warms me. I lose my eyes. I feel the Force inside of me coming alive, moving around me like water, and inside of me like it's alive, awakening, spinning and flowing through me and to Kylo then back again from him to me. There are no sounds up here so high above the forest, no movement, just us.   
Kylo's cape flaps gentle in the breeze. There's a flash of light behind my closed eyelids and the clap of thunder. I open my eyes and see lightning flashes of different colours, over the mountains.

"Wow," I breathe.  
"That's us, Rey," Kylo says, his voice thick with emotion. I look at him, his eyes flash with the reflection of the lightning as it spins into his view.  
"What?" I ask.   
He glances over my shoulder. "The lightning, we're doing that." He brings up my hand that he's been holding and clasps fingers with me, palms touching. My hand looks like a small child's in his large one.  
"That's impossible," I say, and yet I know he's telling the truth. We're doing that, we're flowing through the energy on this planet, or it's flowing through us.  
"I could never really control its power," Kylo says softly, resting our hands to his chest. "But with you it's easier." His eyes search mine and I hold my breath. "The Force is lighter with you, natural... free, but still strong. Not like a bondage, but a gift." His glance travels down to my lips for a moment, then back to my eyes again. "Who are you Rey?" he says.  
I furrow my brows. "Me?"  
I'm Rey, just Rey.   
Kylo closes his eyes and a pain, an emotional pain unlike any I've ever felt, so strong I can hardly breathe, grips at my heart. It's not mine, it's Kylo's. His thoughts, his memories flow to me.  
"What are you doing?" he asks, tightening his grip on my waist.

I shake my head. I'm not doing anything. But I can't seem to talk, or to stop what is happening. I close my eyes and focus. I see Kylo in a room, as a boy. It's a classroom but he's the only one not outside playing at recess. He's being held in, punished for another outburst of anger. The stares, from the other kids, the fear in their eyes whenever he gets close to them. They whisper about him. He tries, but he can't control the power, ever moving in him, ever taring him apart, the light and the dark, both fighting for his mind. Power flies out of him when he's excited, hurting others by accident, pushing them, pushing him to insanity. 

He's an outsider, not included, feared, unwelcome, a hush falls across the room when he enters. They whisper that he's strange, weird. His mother doesn't understand. She frowns whenever she looks at him now, trying to figure him out. There's no more patience left in the teachers, his peers have all alienated him at school. She can't help him. The conversations behind closed doors, "he's too much like his grandfather." They're convinced the only way is to send him away from home, to the older Jedi's who could help, possibly understand what is inside of him and how to control it. But he's too strong, too different than the other Force-sensitive kids. They fear him. Always untouched, always unloved and now, forever un-redeemable.

"No," I try to say, clenching my fists. I see Kylo finding his grandfather's helmet, or maybe it found him. His grandfather, Darth Vader, the only one that could really understand all this. The image of the melted mask, I try to push it out of my mind. I want to tell Kylo that no one is un-redeemable, that I was different too, but now new images are passing between us. My home on Jakku, with all the markings on the wall. I don't want Kylo to see the markings, the endless days marked on a wall symbolizing how long I've been abandoned, unwanted and alone, always alone.  
"Different," he whispers. 

I open my eyes and he lets go of my hand, pulling me close instead. My arms slide up to his shoulders and behind his neck as he wraps his arms around my waist.  
"Rey, what are you doing?" he asks again, his breath near my lips, his hands moving up to my hair. There's a small snap sound and all my hair elastics fly out of my hair. Did I do that? Did he? His fingers are in my hair, his lips close to mine.

The forest spins around me and my stomach drops as we begin to fall. Fear grips me when I see how high up we are.  
"Don't let go!" Kylo yells, but it's too late. I'm falling, and he's trying to help me. We somehow land without dying, because Kylo is stronger than me and saves me. But it's not a soft landing. I do a tuck and roll somersault, then lay on the wet ground, looking up. My heart grips tight, too tight. Kylo runs over to me and kneels down beside me.

"Something's wrong," I say. Am I haven't a heart attack? Then I remember the shift I felt coming. It's here.  
"Yes. There's been a disturbance in the Force," Kylo says and I know everything is about to change.


	23. The Dark Side (Part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone for the Kudos! I'm new to Archive of Our Own :D The second half of this story is a bit more dramatic! But hang in there, things work themselves out in the end <3

“When did you learn to fly a ship like this one?” Kylo asks. I glance over to him. His dark hair is hanging into his eyes as he watches me maneuver the controls. Is he impressed? Or just worried that I don’t know what I’m doing? 

The ship tilts to one side, then the other. My cheeks heat up as I scramble to level out the take-off. I’ve never flown a ship like Kylo’s before actually, plus it was buried under so much debris on Yavin_4 that I could barely get it off the ground. But I do know the basics of flying one of these larger ships, except now I’m apparently making the worst take-off in all of flight pilot history. “And why am I flying your ship again?” I ask as the ship finally levels off and we lift higher.  
Kylo gets up from the co-pilot seat. “I never fly my own ships,” she says, about to walk away.

“Wait. What was the disturbance in the Force, that we felt tonight?” Kylo wanted us to leave so fast that we haven’t even discuss the ‘why’. “Do you think it has to do with Luke?”  
Kylo rests a hand on the back of my seat, looking down at me. “Either someone strong with the Force has been killed, or a planet destroyed.”  
“But Starkiller Base is gone. How would the First Order destroy an entire planet?”  
“I don’t know,” Kylo says, then he leaves.

I focus on the take-off, in a few seconds I’m going to switch to light speed, then set the co-ordinates for warp drive, and hopefully get this thing on autopilot. I flip a switch and the ship blasts forward, pushing me back against the seat. I glance in one of the view screens and watch as Yavin_4 gets smaller and smaller behind us, until it’s out of sight.  
My stomach clenches into a knot, and I reach instinctively for my belt. My light saber is with me. I don’t know how many times I checked before boarding, but it was lots. So why do I have this feeling that I’ve left something behind? BB-8 is with us, on board. She is. I’m sure of it.

“BB-8?” I yell over my shoulder, unable to let go of the uneasy feeling. The ship shakes with the impact of a loose flying meteor and I turn my attention back to flying. Oops. There are more ahead, a small meteor shower. I fly the ship up and around it. I just have to figure out how to activate the warp drive with the co-ordinates Kylo gave me. Then the ship will go into autopilot mode, since Warp drive pre-calculates a path free of planets and asteroids before kicking in, so that the ship can shoot through space without crashing into something along the way to its destination.  
I find the button finally, on the main dashboard. But I don’t want to push it yet.

“Kylo!” I call. There’s no response. I grind my teeth. I look back down and realize that there are two that have to be hit at the same time to activate warp drive, one of those safety features where both the pilot and co-pilot have to consent before it works. Seriously? 

I reach over but I can’t get to the second button on the co-pilot’s side. If my arms were just a bit longer, I could. Should I leave the bridge and go find Kylo? We’ll probably crash into something if I do. BB-8 could push the button for me if she were here. Why is she always taking off?

I give up trying to reach for the other button. I don’t want to go into warp drive anyway, not until I know for sure BB-8 is on board. I check the course we’re on. It looks clear enough, for the next 10 minutes of flight at least. I put the shields up in case we do run into some debris. That should deflect any objects in our way without wrecking the hull plating.

I jump out of my seat and rush to the bridge doors. On the other side is a long hallway. I run down it, unfamiliar with the layout of this ship but so far there’s only one direction to go. I turn a corner and slam into Kylo, who’s also rushing in the opposite direction.  
“Ouch,” I rub my shoulder.  
“Why are the shields up?” he asks. “Are we under attack?”  
“No. I need help getting into warp drive.”  
Kylo gives me a questioning look.  
“Where’s BB-8?” I say. “I need to see her.”  
“I don’t know.”  
I push past him. “You’ll have to fly this ship yourself,” I say, rushing off.

I’ve all but lost my mind by the time I find BB-8. I don’t know whether to be mad at her or just happy to see her. She’s in the interrogation room, her little head tilted down towards the ground in a way I haven’t seen before, she’s usually alert and full of energy, with her head always level. I rush over to her and kneel down.

“I was looking for you! Is everything okay?” I feel the ship jump into warp drive, losing my balance for a second. We’re on our way to General Hux. The plan is to pretend Kylo has captured me. The whole thing makes my stomach uneasy. But I’m more concerned about BB-8 right now. “What are you doing here BB-8?” I ask.  
She raises her small head, then lowers it again. “I was looking for a place to charge,” she beeps quietly.  
“Charge? Oh, I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you tell us you were low on charge?”  
“There was no place to charge on Yavin_4. So I didn’t want to bring it up.”

I rest my hand on BB-8’s little frame. She feels cold to the touch.  
“What kind of power conversion do you need?”  
BB-8 opens one of her small compartments, the door moving slower than usual. I look at the tiny cable inside.  
“I can open up a panel in this room and use a wire from under one of the control panels,” I say, thinking out loud.  
“Okay,” BB-8 beeps softly.

I get right to work. BB-8 rolls over to me and helps unscrew a panel with one of her tiny screws. I lift off the metal sheet and pull out a mass of wires. One of them should be the right current. But I’ll need a knife. I look around the room then remember my light saber.

Before long I’ve got BB-8 hooked up and just as she’s beginning to charge a trill sound startles the both of us. Did I trigger some kind of alarm?  
“It’s the communication system,” BB-8 explains. “An incoming call.”  
“Oh.” I stand and look down at the information screen. “Can you read this BB-8?”   
I crouch down and lift her into my arms to show her the screen.   
She looks down. “An incoming communication from General Hux."  
“What!”


	24. The Dark Side (Part 2)

I set BB-8 down quickly. There’s an intercom port near the interrogation room door I can use to contact Kylo, if he’s on the bridge.  
“Kylo?” I say into the comm port.  
“Rey, get into the interrogation chair. I’m on my way.”  
“What?” I push the button again but there’s no response.   
BB-8 is still tucked away near the open panel on the floor, just behind the interrogation chair. She looks at me as she silently charges.  
“I really don’t want to get into that chair,” I tell her. 

The interrogation room door slides open and Kylo walks in with a few large strides and picks me up, like I weigh nothing at all. He doesn’t even slow his steps as he carries me to the interrogation chair and plops me down into it without a word.  
“What are you doing?” I say as he fastens me in.  
“Don’t say anything,” Kylo replies. Our eyes meet for a moment then the comm system starts up and Hux’s face appears on the screen. Kylo turns to face him.

“When we heard Rey was missing we assumed you took her from us,” Hux says, looking down his nose at Kylo.  
“She’s here,” he says, clasping his hands behind his back and standing straight.  
“We hadn’t heard from you.” A grin forms on Hux’s face. “So we took the liberty of destroying your little Alma Mater.”  
Kylo jaw clenches.  
"A little planet called... Coruscant, I think?" Hux says.  
They destroyed the Jedi Temple?  
Hux has a smirk on his face as he watches Kylo. “Your old Jedi friend, Master Dukath was it? He was living out his final useless years on Coruscant was he not?”  
Kylo’s fists clench at his sides. His back is turned to me now and I can’t see his expression.

Hux clears his throat. “Did you think we didn’t know about him? Now that we have Luke Skywalker, we can find Ahch-To and do the same to that planet.”  
“No!” I shout at the screen.  
Hux and Kylo ignore my outburst.  
“Supreme Leader will be happy to know you’re bringing the girl,” Hux says, seeming bored with the conversation now. “He was beginning to lose faith in you.”  
“How did you destroy Coruscant?” Kylo asks, his head bowed but his voice menacing.  
Hux cuts off communication and there’s silence.

I’m not sure what to say. This is far worse than I ever imagined.  
“Kylo?” I say softly. He lifts his head and walks over to me, unclasping my restraints without a word. I sit up when he’s done and rub my wrists. I must have been pushing against the restraints without even noticing.  
“How could they destroy all of Coruscant? Without a Death Star?”  
“They didn’t just die instantaneously,” Kylo says softly. “They suffered.” He tightens his grip on the arm rest of the interrogation chair. I want to put my hand over his, to comfort him somehow. But I don’t know if he’d want me to right now, so I don’t.  
He’s right. I could feel them too, crying out in suffering. They didn’t just die in a blast, they died a slower death.  
Against my better judgement, I ask, “who was Master Dukath?”

Suddenly Kylo’s light saber is in his hand and he's slashing the control panel below the comm screen, sending sparks flying. I jump in the chair, turning my head away so the sparks don’t burn my cheeks.   
Kylo stops destroying the panel after a few seconds, his shoulders moving with his breathing. I shouldn’t have asked. I don’t know what to do now. Should I go over to him? Comfort him? No, I can’t see that as being a good idea, with his light saber still activated.

BB-8 is burrowed all the way inside the open panel that she’s charging at, as far back as she can go, surrounded by wires. I want to go tell her it’s okay to come out, and that she doesn’t need to be scared, but I’m not sure what Kylo will do next.

“Master Dukath, was a mentor of mine when I was a teenager,” Kylo says. He rests his hands onto the charred control panel in front of him and leans forward, clenching the edge in a death grip. “He was the first person to ever tell me to let go of my internal battle, to stop fighting against my own nature, against the power within me… the anger, and pain… and regret. He said those things weren’t dark, they were just a part of me, a part of the Force, and I could embrace them, accept them for what they are… But I was afraid to. I didn’t want to hurt more people, or kill them in my rage by accident.”  
I wait for him to continue but he doesn't.

“What… changed?” I ask quietly.  
“Master Dukath said… ‘if they die Ben, then they die. And they will continue on in the Force, in eternal life, and will help you in your mission to bring order back to the Galaxy with the Force, which is so powerful within you, that which connects you to them, and to your Grandfather too. It connects all of us, whether alive or dead.’ …he told me the temple on Coruscant will always stand, because of me it will never be destroyed.”  
“Kylo, I really don’t think…”  
“I failed him,” Kylo whispers.

Another incoming transition sound interrupts us and Kylo returns quickly to my chair, strapping me back in. He keeps his eyes down but I can see that they are red.  
I lean my head back in the chair and look up at the ceiling. I hate that metal ceiling, and this metal chair. There’s a bleep as the screen switches on.  
“Supreme leader,” Kylo says in a strong voice. “To what do I owe the honour?”

“I wanted to see the girl for myself.” Snoke’s voice makes my skin crawl. I look over at the screen. A grey and ugly face, aged with evil, stares back at me with black eyes. I look away.  
“You’ve done well,” Snoke continues, his low voice unhurried. “I was certain you wouldn’t succeed.”  
Kylo takes a deep breath. “I’m taking her to Hux-”  
“Bring her to me. I want to watch you kill her in my presence. The Jedi’s are all dead except for Luke Skywalker. And this one. As long as she’s alive the Resistance will still have hope.”  
“I can kill her now, your Supreme Leadership,” Kylo bows slightly.  
“No. I don’t trust you. Bring her to me, or your uncle Luke dies.”  
The transmission ends.


	25. The Dark Side (Part 3)

I try to sit up, forgetting for a second that I’m locked in.  
Luke’s not dead. My shoulders relax and I let out a breath, that I didn’t even realize I was holding.

“Kylo?” I try to see where he is, how he’s doing with all this, but he’s behind me and I can’t see him. “Can you please let me out?”  
I hear BB-8 moving around but I can’t see her either. Is she stuck in all those wires?  
“The Jedi’s are all dead,” Kylo says. “All the elders that were strong with the Force.”  
“Not Luke-”  
“Luke,” Kylo yells. “Does he matter more than the others that died?” He steps in front of me, anger flashing in his eyes.   
My words catch in my throat and suddenly I can’t breathe. My throat tightens painfully.  
“You’re hurting me…” I whisper, the sound barely audible.

Kylo releases his hold and blinks a couple of times. “Rey?” He takes another step back. “I’m a monster,” he says so quietly that I hardly hear it.  
“You’re not a monster-”  
“You told me that yourself.”  
“I… I didn’t know you then.”  
“You don’t know me now!” he yells.   
The tightness in my throat returns and my eyes burn. Only this time I fight back and Kylo loosens his Force hold, not bothering to continue the effort.   
“Just because you’ve seen my past, my mistakes, my pain, it doesn’t mean you know me Rey. You think I’m good, somehow, but I’m not.”

There’s silence. Even BB-8 has stopped moving about in her jittery way. I want to check on her. She must be scared that we’re fighting like this. The interrogation chair was obviously built to hold a Jedi, because I can’t seem to ‘Force’ my way out of it. “Please let me out,” I say to Kylo, giving up my struggle with the chair.  
He ignores me and begins to pace. “I have to take you to Snoke.”

I rest my head back down. “Yes. And we’ll…” I stop. We’ll what? Attack him with our light sabers? Somehow I doubt it will be that easy.  
Kylo stops pacing, his back turned to me. “The Jedi believe that it is better to sacrifice one, for the good of the whole.”  
“What do you mean?” My heart begins to race and I swallow hard. “Kylo? You’re scaring me. Please let me out?”

In one swift movement he’s beside me. I try to pull back, but the arm clasps hold me in place.  
“Convince me to let you out, Rey,” he whispers.  
“What?”   
Kylo's eyes are alive in a way I haven’t seen before. Is it Snoke? Does he have some effect on him?   
I close my eyes, trying to focus on the Force.  
“You want to let me out,” I say, feeling stupid. But I really do want to get out of this blasted chair.   
Nothing happens. I open my eyes. Kylo has a slight grin on his face.  
“You want to let me out of this chair,” I say again, between clenched teeth.

His gaze travels over me. “You look good in black, Rey. It suits you.”  
I stiffen as he moves in closer. “Kylo, stop, please-”  
He looks down at my lips.  
I shake my head. “No, not like this… don’t.” I blink back tears. He’s so close I feel his warmth at my side, but I pull back, turning my head to the side, away from him.  
I’ve been here before, I remind myself. And I got out then. I can get out again somehow.

I close my eyes and concentrate. I just need to relax a moment, control my emotions. I focus in on Kylo’s thoughts.  
“Stop it!” he yells, backing away from me.  
“You’re not like this, this isn’t you-” I yell back.  
“This is me Rey!” Kylo's voice booms in the enclosed space and I cower in my chair. “You haven’t seen the thousands I’ve killed, you haven’t heard their cries for help, the fear in their eyes before they died. The mothers with their children-”  
“Stop!” I cringe, blinking back tears. Hold it together Rey, Kylo needs you to hold it together.

“I’ll tell you what I did see,” I say calmly, “a man who comforted me when I was crying, was kind to me-”  
“Why do you think I was nice to you?” Kylo growls, coming in close again, his eyes flashing. “So I could get what I wanted.”  
“You want to work with me, remember? And…” my voice shakes. Even I don’t know what to think anymore. Why isn’t he letting me out of the chair? Is he really planning to turn me over to Snoke? 

The only sound now is the ship’s humming as it travels through space, travels towards Hux. Kylo hasn’t changed course yet to take me to Snoke.  
He reaches up and touches my hair. I pull back. “Please don’t touch me,” I say.

Suddenly BB-8 comes rolling fast towards Kylo’s feet. She rams into his legs, her little body colliding with his large boot. It doesn’t even make him flinch. She does it again, and again until Kylo finally shoves her hard across the room. She rolls uncontrollably, her little face scraping against the floor. She slams hard into the wall, tiny sparks of metal flying.  
“Hey!” I shout and Kylo goes flying back through the air. He hits the door and becomes startled for a second, looking at me, then to BB-8.

“I’m sorry Rey,” he says, coming over. “I’ll let you out.”  
But before he can reach me the ship comes to an abrupt stop, causing him to fall forward.  
“What happened?” I pull on the arm clasps, the skin at my wrists now red with a rash.

“Someone’s locked a trackor beam onto the ship,” Kylo says, pushing buttons on the control panel as he’s reading the information. “It’s Hux.”  
He glances over at me then runs out of the room.


	26. The Dark Side (Part 4)

“I didn’t believe he could do it,” Hux says as he strides into the interrogation room with a smile on his face. He rubs his hands together and looks me over. “I don’t see anything particularly special about you.”  
“Nor I about you,” I say, unable to help it.  
Hux smirks. “Tell me,” He walks behind me, then around the chair slowly. “How did he get you into this chair? I know it wasn’t by force.” He stops, then whispers near my ear. “Luke told us who you are, or shall I say, we found a way to coerce him into telling us.”  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I reply. My jaw clenches tight.

Hux straightens and begins to pace again. “You’re in this chair willingly. Why?” He’s on my other side now and reaches up a gloved hand to my lips. I turn my head away. “You like him, don’t you?” His fingers travel down my neck. “How cute-”  
“Don’t touch me,” I growl at him. His eyes go wide and his throat makes a choking sound. The Stormtroopers that came in with him, stand at attention by the door and don’t catch on right away as Hux struggles for breath. Now that I’m locked onto him I do a quick search of his thoughts. He’s got a strong mind, and there are details he keeps well hidden that I can’t get to, details about Luke and what they’re doing with him. I don’t have time to force that information out of him. But I do see that he is planning to betray Kylo. He wants to kill him and take me to Snoke himself, like a prized trophy.

Two of the Stormtroopers rush over to me and zap my arms with an electric shock. I cry out. They don’t stop until Hux raises a hand. “Snoke wants her alive,” he says and they pull away.

My head pounds and my vision blurs. But I can still see Hux rubbing his neck, looking down his nose at me. All humour has left his face now. Then I see Kylo, standing silently behind him.

“Kylo?” I blink a few times. He’s wearing his mask now and I can’t see his expression. How long has he been in the room? Hux steps out of the way and Kylo comes forward. He removes his mask, tucking it under his arm. My heart squeezes at the sight of him, his black hair and intense eyes, his black hair and intense eyes, now devoid of the emotions I saw often during our time on Yavin_4.

“What’s the plan Kylo?” I whisper, trying to look him in the eyes. But he looks past me, over my shoulder as leans down close to my ear. “I’m sorry, Rey,” he whispers, then unlatches my light saber from my belt. He straightens up and hands the light saber to Hux then puts his helmet back on.   
Hux gives me a wink before they all turn and walk out of the room. The Stormtroopers march out with them before the door slides closed.


	27. The Dark Side (Part 5)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LUKE  
> But how am I to know the good side from the dark?
> 
> YODA  
> You will know. When you are at peace... calm... passive. 
> 
> -Star Wars, Episode V, The Empire Strikes Back

The silence stretches on.  
I stare at the ceiling, my mind all but blank.  
At some point the automatic lights shut off and I'm left in the dark, a darkness as bright to me as the noon-day sun on Jakku, the day I watched my parent's ship fly towards the blinding sphere in the sky. I couldn't see anything indoors for a while after staring at that sun. Now I can't see the metal ceiling above me anymore.  
I breathe. I wait.  
I close my eyes.  
The silence stretches on. My wrists burn at my sides. My heart beats slowly.

'Go to Coruscant.' The thought is so potent I hear it as a voice in my head.  
Coruscant? It's been destroyed...  
The words continue.

'Gather your strength Princess.  
Time is now, to rise and fight  
Prepare your sword for comes the night'

'Your heart make ready  
Do not dwell on sorrow.  
For no longer is it today,  
But now, it is tomorrow.'

'Your mind is strong,  
Your heart will know,  
You will lose only that  
of which your heart does let go.'

A tear glides down my cheek. I don't want to let go.  
And yet I have a feeling Kylo and I will not be allies in this fight. Not the way we planned.  
But I refuse to let him go that easily. I won't give him over to the Dark Side so quickly.

'Go now, take Kylo Ren's light saber.  
Within it lies the strength of more than men,  
the strength of the Sith Lords, the Knights of Ren'

'But do not use its power  
Do not use its strength  
Do not by its might  
Allow for it to you tempt'

Then the voice is gone, yanked from my mind, and my head throbs.  
Then there is a moment of peace and calm. And I know I'm ready.  
My ears wake to a beeping sound, my eyes to the bright overhead lights.

"Rey are you okay?" It's BB-8. I can't see her but she's near my feet.  
"BB-8? Did I fall asleep? How long was I out?"  
"No, you were just not moving for three and a half minutes. I thought you died," her beeps are high, piercing at my heart. "It was dark. I came out from hiding even though you told me to stay there. I wanted to see if you were okay. Then the lights turned back on and you didn't say anything when I talked to you. You didn't move at all."  
I swallow hard. "I'm sorry BB-8. I'm okay."

The words return to me, 'you will lose only that, of which your heart does let go.'  
"I will never let go of you, Okay?" I say looking down at BB-8. "Ever."  
She stops moving around, but doesn't respond. Then a moment later she says. "Will you carry me then?"  
I stifle a laugh. "I mean I will never let us be apart, okay?"  
"Okay."  
"Now help me out of these restraints."

BB-8 reaches out her tool extensions towards the arm clasps. "Are we going to run away?"  
"Yes, but not yet."  
"I can't undo the clasps." She withdraws her extensions then takes out a tiny screw driver.  
"Brilliant!" I say. My heart beats faster. I can't shake the feeling that Hux or Kylo will walk in any minute. "Hurry BB-8."

BB-8 unscrews the hinges on my right arm restraint and the metal falls to the floor.  
She hurries to the other side so fast that she loses balance and scrapes the side of her head.  
"It's okay, it's okay," I say. "I got this one." With my free hand I unlatch the other arm band and then bend down to free my feet too.  
"Rey, are they going to hurt you?"

I climb down from the chair, my muscles stiff, my wrists burning.  
"No BB-8," I wrap my arms around her small metal body. "We'll be just fine. I promise."  
I pull back to look at her. She's got skid marks on the side of her head in many places, and one of her doors is dented in. I run my fingers over the markings on her head. I know she doesn't have pain sensors but I blink back tears anyway. "How's your head? Can you move it around just fine?"  
"Yes," BB-8 drops her head down slowly. "I thought Kylo liked me."  
"He does," I pat her little body. "He's just dealing with a lot right now, being back here with Hux and Snoke."  
"He was yelling at you."  
I frown.  
"If we leave him here," she continues, "will Hux kill him?"  
"No. I don't think they'll kill Luke either. I think they need him alive, and that they need all of us who still have the power of the Force alive, to do whatever they're planning."  
"What are they planning?"  
"I don't know, but I know what we have to do. We have to go to Coruscant."  
"But Coruscant was destroyed."  
"I don't think it was. I think Hux is lying."  
"So we won't see Kylo again?"  
"Well, I have to get his light saber from him first, before we leave."

BB-8 lets out a high beep.  
"I just need you to stay close to me okay?" I say. "And out of sight, and out of the way."  
BB-8 nods.  
"We need a plan and I need your help."  
"I found a way to connect to console and the ship's computer while I was hiding under the control panel," BB-8 says. "Will that help?"  
"Brilliant girl," I say. "That will definitely help."


	28. The Dark Side (Part 6)

I look down below, from my hiding spot in the ceiling where the metal tiles open into a ventilation system. BB-8 looks tiny from up here. She leans her head back to look up at me.  
"Ready?" I say to her.  
"Yes," she beeps in reply, giving me her lighter thumbs up. She rolls into the open panel with the exposed wires and a moment later an alarm sounds.   
I close my eyes and take a slow breath, to calm my racing heart. I continue the breathing as we wait. I can do this. I have to try. 

Before long, the door below opens and Kylo strides in. Hux follows right after him. They stop in front of the interrogation chair.  
"She's gone," Kylo says, in his monotone mask-voice.  
Hux turns to the two Stormtroopers guarding the door from the outside. "You weak minded fools!" he yells at them.  
"She didn't leave the room Sir," one of them says.  
"No, of course she didn't," Hux says calmly. "She tricked you! Now go find her," he yells. They jump, then quickly rush out. Hux walks out after them. 

The door slides closed. BB-8 is controlling it and I told her to try and lock Kylo in. He didn't even try to leave the room though.   
He removes his mask and sets it down on the interrogation chair.   
"I know you're here, Rey."

My heart pounds in my chest. Kylo pulls out his light saber and begins to walk around the room, looking around.  
"You can't escape, you're only beginning to understand your powers," he says, taking slow steps, his cape moving behind him.   
My hand slips and I almost lose my balance.

Kylo paces around and I wait, sweat forming on my forehead.  
"I can feel you, I know you're in here."  
He's almost directly below me, just a little further...

I jump, landing on Kylo's back. He falls forward and we tumble to the floor. His light saber flies from his hand and slides across the floor.   
I jump for it but Kylo pulls me back. I kick him away and he Force pushes me hard. I fly forward but stop myself before hitting the wall and do a quick spin in the air, catching Kylo in a Force hold just as he reaches his light saber.

"BB-8!" I yell. She comes rolling out fast and slides the light saber over to me. I release Kylo and quickly pick it up.  
"What are you doing?" he says, locking onto me. I do the same to him. "Let me go, Rey."  
"Let me go," I say.

The muffled sounds of blasters hitting the outside of the door catch my attention. Hux has returned with his Stormtroopers. They're trying to blast through the door. It won't hold for long. Kylo's sword lights up in my hand.  
"Stop!" Kylo yells. I jump, dropping the light saber. It lands between us. Our eyes lock.  
"Don't use it," Kylo says.

I can't get to it with Kylo's force pushing me back and he can't either. We circle around the light saber.  
"Hux is going to betray you," I tell him. "He's going to kill you."  
"Don't you think I know his plans?" Kylo sneers.  
"You said we'd destroy Snoke together, and rule the Galaxy."

I can't break free of Kylo and he can't break free of me. The banging on the other side of the door gets louder. I close my eyes and focus. He'll either release me so I can't read his mind, like he usually does, then I can grab the light saber, or he'll keep locked onto me and I'll find out what's really going on in his head.   
I start to enter his thoughts. His hold on me wavers for a second and I prepare to lunge for the light saber, but his hold stays.  
'You promised, that you wouldn't read my mind'  
I start to back off, remembering our agreement. But then I feel something unfamiliar inside of him, it turns my stomach and seeps into my mind like black oozing oil,   
'Join us Rey and we'll rule together'   
I recognize the slow forming words, it's Snoke   
'Use the sword, it will make you strong and combine our power'

"No," I struggle to pull out of Kylo's thoughts but I can't. Kylo's eyes are dark as they stare back at me. They don't look like him at all. Sweat drips down my temple.  
'I have him, the voice continues, and now I will have you too'

Suddenly the doors blast open and the spell breaks. Debris from the blast fly at us and a large piece of metal knocks Kylo down. Stormtroopers come piling in, shooting. I deflect the shots one at a time as fast as I can, sending them back from where they came. The blasts hit the Stormtroopers in the chest and they fly backwards. But there are too many to stop. One flies over my shoulder nearly hitting my ear. 

Then the Stormtroopers begin to fall, no longer shooting at me but getting hit from behind instead, until they're all down.  
"Finn?" I gasp. Finn steps over the pile of Stormtroopers on the ground.   
I see Poe behind him and others too, all dressed in the Resistance uniforms.  
"Rey!" Finn smiles at me, a look of relief on his face.


	29. The Dark Side (Part 7)

A strong arm wraps around my chest from behind, holding me firmly. I grab at Kylo's arm but I can't break free of his iron grip, his chest like a brick wall against my back.  
Finn and Poe point their blasters at him and he stretches his free hand out towards them.  
Finn cringes and begins to choke.  
"Finn!" I cry out.

Poe shoots his blaster at Kylo and he releases Finn long enough to deflect the shot back.  
"Watch out!" I yell. The shot flies back at Poe. He ducks and I somersault forward, taking Kylo down with me. The shooting starts up again and Kylo cries out, getting hit by Poe's fire. He releases me and sends Poe flying into the wall . BB-8 beeps loudly.  
More Stormtroopers come and Resistance fighters shoot at them.

I look behind me. Kylo's on the floor. He's bleeding. Another shot hits his shoulder and he jerks back. It's Finn, moving in on him.  
"Stop!" I yell, tossing Finn back against the control panel behind him. He blinks, staring at me in confusion. A Stormtrooper fires at him and I deflect the shot.  
"Come on!" he yells over the blaster shots, reaching out his hand to me. I run to him and take his hand. Suddenly my hip jerks backward as the light saber on my belt yanks me sideways.

Kylo's reaching for it. I slide back and Finn grips my hand tighter, pulling me in the opposite direction. The light saber unlatches from my belt with a click and I snatch it just in time before it goes flying to Kylo.  
BB-8 zooms out of nowhere and zaps Kylo's arm with a live wire. His hold releases, sending Finn and I flying forward.

The Resistance fighters are winning. They're shooting Kylo and he's holding them off as best he can. But there are too many of them. I turn back but Finn pulls my arm. "Let's go, Rey! This is a rescue mission," he says.

The Resistance fighters retreat, running down the hall and I run with them.  
Kylo's still alive, I still feel him. But he's hurt.

Tears blur my vision and I don't see where we're running. Finn pulls me after him and I stumble along. I want to go back, but I can't. I can't reason with Kylo. Snoke is inside his mind somehow, bound to him in a way that he wasn't when we were on Yavin_4. Is that why Kylo was hiding out there? Away from Snoke's reach?

Suddenly I'm being strapped into a seat. There is yelling and rushing around. We're in a spacecraft of some sort. It lifts off the ground so fast my stomach does a little flip. More laser fire. The small ship blasts its way out into the darkness of space, flying fast, away from Kylo's ship and Hux's larger battleship. Away from everything.   
Finn talks but I can't hear his words, all I can hear are Snoke's words playing over and over in my mind, 'I have him, and now I will have you too.'


	30. Ahch-To (Part 1)

“BB-8,” I whisper and she turns her little head to me. I’m lying down in the most comfortable bed I’ve ever been in. A breeze blows the sheer curtains in. The large archway windows have no glass but are open to the sky. Many shades of sunset orange glisten through. We’re on Ahch-To, where the original Jedi Temple is and the ancient city once was. Now, some of the islands serve as a second Rebel base location for troops to rest and eat when needed. 

The Temple is on another Island near this one and I haven't seen it. There are many Islands on this planet of endless ocean. This one houses the living quarters of the ancient Jedi monks, a castle of white sand stone and pillars, archways and open rooms, built into the sharp mountain edges of the rock island. There’s no escaping the sound of the waves below, it lulls me to sleep. I shake my head to push away the drowsiness.

“I can’t lay here anymore,” I say to BB-8. “I’ll fall asleep.”  
“Isn’t that what General Leia wants you to do?” she asks.  
“Yes, well…” I swing my bare legs over the side of the bed “She’s not the one that has to dream my dreams if she falls asleep.”

BB-8 bleeps in her questioning tone but I don’t feel like explaining it to her.   
My bare feet touch the cool tiles on the floor. The smooth marble floors run all throughout the hallways and archway bridges that connect the gathering space and dining hall and other rooms of this castle-like residence in the middle of the ocean.

“The sun just doesn’t want to set,” I say, squinting towards the East, where the sun is still persisting.  
“It doesn’t fully set in this season on Ahch-To,” BB-8 explains. “It circles around the horizon.”

I smile. This planet understands me, not wanting night to ever come.  
“Want to go explore this dark castle a bit?” I say to BB-8. She does a little spin and I take that as a yes.

* * *

The pillars in the main hall lie in shadows, silhouetted by the fading sunset in the sky. The other end of the hall billows with fog that spills through the open air balcony, onto the marble tiles. My bare feet stick to the smooth marble as I walk. The sleeping gown I was given flows like the sheer fabric of the curtains on the windows, so light and airy that I feel naked.

The entire fortress on this island is a striking combination of old and new. Old pillars and crumbling white stone walls, new marble floors and potted plants in various places. I walk around the large plants, keeping away from them. Their earthy smell of the dirt and roots reminds me too much of being in the forest on Yavin_4 with Kylo. My heart aches whenever I think of him.

I turn my attention to the sounds of the ocean waves crashing on the rocks far down below. The salty moisture in the air leaves a sweet taste in my mouth and mattes my free flowing hair to my face. I refused food when we arrived, but now that everyone is finally gone to their rooms and no one is looking at me, and asking me questions, I sure wouldn’t mind something to eat. Some fast rising bread from home, or a spoonful of that sweet bread pudding Kylo made for me during our days together would be nice.  
I shake my head to dispel the memories.

“BB-8, can you take me to the dining hall? I don’t remember the way. Maybe there’s some food left over on the tables.”  
BB-8 zooms ahead and I follow after her, my feet slapping the marble tiles. Now that we’ve made some distance between us and the sleeping area I’m no longer worried about tiptoeing around.

The dining hall faces away from the never ending sunset, towards the cloudy side of the island, sitting in dark shadows. I see the outline of bowls left on the long dining table, filled with fruit. I grab for a promising looking piece of fruit that I don't recognize.

“You couldn’t sleep either?” The voice startles me and I drop the fruit back into the bowl, which clatters on the table.  
“General Leia,” I gasp. “I didn’t see you there.”  
“Don’t worry,” she smiles at me. “I’m glad you’re here. Please, have a seat.” She pats the chair beside her and I take a seat.  
“You’re not sleeping well?” I ask, smoothing out my flowing gown as I sit up straight in front of the General.  
“Go ahead and eat.” She gives me an encouraging grin. But now that I’m closer I can see the tiredness in her eyes.

“You’re worried about Kylo?” I say softly. She frowns and looks towards the windows. I shouldn’t have asked. “I’m sorry. It’s none of my business.”  
“It is your business,” she says, then sighs. “I won’t bombard you with questions this late at night, but tomorrow we’ll talk about… Kylo.” She takes a deep breath. “And we’ll discuss strategy with the others.” She gets up. “I’m boiling some water, how about a tea?”

I nod, returning her smile as best I can, but my stomach tightens at the thought of a long conversation over tea with Kylo’s mother. I suppose it’s better than sleeping and having my dreams. After all I’ve been through recently I don’t want to risk the nightmares. I’m always afraid I’ll never wake from them.

The quiet around me is eerie and my tired mind begins to imagine shapes of cloaked monks in every pillared corner. I rub at my eyes. Stop it. Surely the ghosts of all the murdered Jedi Knights haunt these white castle walls…  
I slide the damp strands of my hair, sticking to my forehead, away from my face. I don’t suppose a place like this would have hair elastics.

“Here we are,” Leia says, returning with two clay mugs of tea. I take one gratefully, wrapping my chilled fingers around its heat. I breathe in the exotic aroma.  
“Where’s Kylo’s light saber?” I ask, trying to make it sound casual. She takes a seat beside me and clears her throat.  
“It’s locked away safely in a chamber. It’s dangerous. No one should ever use it, especially not someone gifted with the Force.”

I nod. Now isn’t the time to get into what I intend to do with the light saber. She’s right, it is dangerous and I’m glad it’s locked away. It would be so easy to be tempted to use it, even by accident, in self-defense.

I blow on my tea, closing my eyes at the warm scents. “He still has goodness left in him,” I say softly, clenching the clay mug even tighter.  
Leia doesn’t respond, so I look up at her. She’s blinking back tears.  
“I’m more tired than I thought,” she says, giving me a polite smile. “I think I’ll take my tea back to my room.”  
“Of course,” I get up when she does. “Thank you for the tea.” I give a small bow and she sets a hand on my shoulder.  
“Tomorrow I want to celebrate your safe return. But for now, go rest, gather your strength.” Her words strike me in the chest. The words I heard at my weakest moment, come back to me,

'Gather your strength Princess.  
Time is now, to rise and fight   
Prepare your sword for comes the night'

Leia leaves and I sit back down. How will I ever be able to tell when it’s morning, with the forever sunset on this planet? If I stay at the dining hall, all the early-risers will meet me with a lot of questions, about Kylo and my time as his ‘prisoner’ as everyone is calling it. I finish off the tea quickly and get up from the chair. I can hear a water fall or river nearby and I want to go find it.  
My legs feel weak as I walk, my chest growing heavy.

“Are you okay?” BB-8 beeps.  
“I just need to sit down a minute,” I say. My eyes burn and I sniffle, feeling dizzy and unlike myself. I spot a bench facing toward the foggy archway windows, where the ocean continues to crash against the rocks down below and splashes of water sprinkle onto the balcony.

I walk over, my knees getting weaker by the second, and sit down.  
“BB-8, something’s wrong with me.”  
“Maybe you’re sleepy from the sleep-inducing tea the General gave you,” she says.

I groan. Shoot. I want to be angry, to tell BB-8 to hurry and get me a wakening morning drink, but I’m already drifting off. I lay on my side. The sound of the waves capture all my senses, the salty smell, the feel of the breeze on my skin, the taste of moisture in my mouth and the damp fabric of my nightgown sticking to my body.

“Just like you imagined it each night before going to sleep on Jakku,” a low, familiar voice says. I open my eyes.   
Kylo is standing in the fog in front of me. I blink a couple times.

"Kylo?"


	31. Ahch-To (Part 2)

I sit up slowly, my aching muscles telling me this is all too real. I look around for BB-8 but she’s not by the bench. I jump up and whip around, looking in every direction, my tiredness completely forgotten. “BB-8!”

“She’s not here,” Kylo says. His presence penetrates my very being. I don’t turn to look at him.  
“You can’t be here,” I say. “And what do you mean BB-8 is gone?”  
“Droids don’t dream,” Kylo says.  
I turn to face him. “Dream?”

He smiles and my heart aches. Tears rush to my eyes, making them burn. I’ve never seen Kylo’s expression so calm. He comes closer, the fog moving around his cape as he walks. He steps out from the shadows. He's not wearing his back uniform but a dark blue one instead. The colour contrasts with his pale complexion and dark hair, making him look all the more striking.

His glance travels over me and suddenly my night gown feels invisible. I hug my arms around my chest and look down. But I’m not wearing my sleeping gown, rather, an evening gown that flows around me, also a midnight blue colour, like Kylo’s. It reflects the dim light in the room, making the fabric sparkle like twinkling starlight.  
I run my hand over the dress. “I don’t understand,” I whisper. “I’m quite certain I’m awake.”

Kylo closes the gap between us and takes my hand in his. It feels warm and familiar to touch.  
“This is a different kind of dream,” he says, his eyes searching mine. “We’re in it together.”  
I have to know more. I have to know what he’s thinking, what he means by all this. I close my eyes and center in on the Force inside of me. It gets easier each time I use it. But now it isn’t even there. I let out a small gasp. There’s no Force, no power, nothing… I open my eyes wide.

Kylo rests his hands on my shoulders and leans his forehead against mine. I tense up and my heart races at how close we are.  
“I can’t read you,” I say.  
“You don’t need to,” Kylo whispers, his breath against my cheek. “You’re inside my mind.”  
“Or you’re inside mine,” I say.  
Kylo straightens and looks around the spacious room. “I’ve never seen this place before.”

I blink, trying to imagine a reality outside of this one, more real than this moment, but I can’t. How will I ever wake, if I feel more awake here than in the real world?  
“I’m not going to tell you where I am,” I say.  
“I won’t ask you to.” Kylo offers his hand to me and I take it. He’s not smiling anymore as he leads me to a curtain that wasn’t there before, with bright lights behind it. I squint as we near it. He moves the curtain aside and I look in.

I gasp, covering my mouth with my hand. The doctors in the room don’t take any notice of us. They’re operating on a patient, in a very sterile looking room. The patient is Kylo. I turn away, shutting my eyes tight.  
“It looks worse than it really is,” Kylo says beside me. The bright lights of the surgical room fade away behind my closed eyelids and darkness settles around us again.

I open my eyes. The hospital room is gone and the dining room is as well. We’re in Kylo’s cave again on Yavin_4 now. Candles dance in the cool breeze coming from the cave entrance. The sweet musky smell of Yavin_4 brings back a wave of memories. Everything is exactly as I remember it, even the unwashed bowls with traces of our last bread pudding breakfast left in them.

I look down and notice that I’m wearing my black clothes. “Kylo?” I turn and see he’s sitting on the side of the bed, without a shirt on, just like my first night here.  
“Is this a memory?” I think out loud.  
Kylo looks up at me from the bed, his eyes dancing in the candle light, a half grin on his face. “No.” He pats the bed, beckoning me over. I go over and sit down so close to him that our arms brush.

“The cave is in our memory,” Kylo continues, his deep voice filling me, “but we’re making a new memory now.”  
“Could we have met in dreams before too?”  
“If you would ever sleep,” Kylo gives me a sideways glance. “How did they get you to go to bed? Did you faint in exhaustion?” Suddenly his eyes go dark. Or is Finn holding you so you won’t have nightmares?

My cheeks flare up. I press my lips together tight. I will not acknowledge the thought he just had. “They gave me a sedative.”  
“Same with me,” Kylo says, his expression lightening up. I stare off into the distance, trying not to notice his bare chest and broad shoulders. But there’s nothing else to really look at. I glance down at the bedside table where both of our light sabers lie, side by side. The cave feels incomplete without BB-8 and I need to get away…

“I want to wake up,” I say, “to make sure BB-8 is okay.”  
“She’s guarding you as you sleep,” Kylo says softly. I risk a glance at him. His hair hangs into his eyes and I resist the urge to move it off his forehead. Instead I grip the edge of the make-shift mattress with both hands.  
“You seem different,” I say. “More relaxed.”  
“I am,” Kylo avoids looking at me. “Snoke doesn’t let me sleep.”  
“What?”

Kylo looks down at the rock floor. “He knows in my sleep he has no influence over me, no hold on my mind, so he keeps me from dreaming.”  
“But, you’re dreaming now.”  
“I’m on the operating table.”

My shoulders slump and my throat gets tight, making it hard to swallow. “Will you be okay?”  
“I’m fine. They’re fixing some shattered ribs.” Kylo’s hands are gripping the edge of the mattress tightly too, I stifle a grin. He looks over at me, then down at my lips.  
“I don’t know how long the surgery will take,” he continues. “But after that, I don’t think Snoke will let me fall into any more deep sleeps.” He swallows, looking away. “I don’t know when I’ll see you again. I don’t know where you are.”

I gather my hair into a pony tail, lifting it off my neck, using the distraction to take time to think. Should I tell him where I am? Will he ever be free of Snoke while awake? Kylo hands me a hair elastic and I smile, taking it from him. “Where did you find this?”

He reaches his hand up and grips my hair, then sets it gently to rest on my shoulder. I let my hands drop, all the emotions I’ve been fighting off hit me all at once.  
“You left me in the interrogation chair.” I start crying, unable to hold it back. “You kicked BB-8…”  
“Rey,” Kylo’s eyes turn sad and my heart clenches. What am I doing? Why am I blaming him when he was under Snoke's influence? “Why can’t you break away from him?” My bottom lip quivers and I turn away.  
“If I do, I’ll die.”  
“What?” My breath catches.

Kylo rubs at his eyes, his shoulders slumping. “Promise me you won’t use the sword.”  
“Your light saber? It’s locked away.”  
“Good.”  
“But I need to take it to-”  
“No,” Kylo says sternly. “Don’t take it in your hand. Don’t touch it.”  
“But-”  
“Promise me,” his expression is so serious all my words catch in my throat and I simply nod my head. “You need to kill Snoke. You need to do it.”  
“No…”  
“Yes. It’s better if I die, than be Snoke’s pawn forever.”  
“No!”

Kylo grabs my shoulders. “Rey, look at me!”  
I can’t. I press my palms to my ears to block out his words and shake my head. “Don’t say it.”  
Kylo moves my hands away. I try to resist but he’s stronger. “I thought I’d be more powerful with you. That I could break away from Snoke, because your hold seemed stronger than his.”  
“My hold-?”  
“But I was wrong, and I almost took you to Snoke-”  
“Don’t,” I say. "Please."  
“Rey, listen to me. I’ve seen a vision,” he stops, running his hands through his hair. “A vision from the Force… I saw you, turning to the Dark Side.” His eyes grow dark. “Don’t let that happen.”  
I shake my head. “No… I’d never.”  
“Don’t say never.” Kylo’s hands are now clasped with mine, our fingers interlaced.  
“Then you shouldn’t say never either,” I say, gripping his hands tight.  
Kylo gives me a questioning look. Then his expression changes.

“You should wake up now,” he says, letting go of my hands.  
“Why?” He’s right that I don’t have to read his mind here, in this dream. His almost shy turning away of his face tell me enough. “Kylo?” I touch his cheek, to turn him to look at me again.  
He grabs my wrist. “Just wake up.”  
“No.”  
“Why won’t you listen,” he says between clenched teeth.  
“Because you can’t mind control me while we’re in here.”  
“Attachments are forbidden.” Kylo's eyes search mine as we both now seem to be at a loss for words.

I pull on the ends of my hair, twirling the pieces on my finger. Kylo moves my hand away and slips his fingers behind my head, running them through my hair. The touch sends a tingling sensation down my spine to the small of my back, making me arch forward. His other arm pulls me hard against him and he presses his lips to mine. I hold back a whimper. My hands push against his chest but he pulls me tighter against him and my legs lift up, wrapping around his waist.

“Rey…” he sighs against my lips. His hand clenches a fistful of my hair as he deepens the kiss. This time I do whimper and a moan escapes Kylo.   
A loud zap startles us both and we jump away from the bedside table. Our light sabers have lit up on their own on, the red and blue sparking against each other, sending flares of heat flying towards the side of my face. I scream and Kylo holds me back.

Suddenly the red light saber flies through the air, almost hitting us. I spin around to see where it’s flying to. A dark figure catches it, in the corner of the room, dressed in a Sith Lord’s cloak, with glowing red eyes. The Sith Lord holds the light saber up in the air, anger and hate flashing in his eyes… her eyes.   
The dark Sith Lord holding Kylo’s sword, is me.


	32. Ahch-To (Part 3)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "As a result of the schism between the Jedi and the Sith, the Force came to be seen as divided between their two philosophies: the Jedi's selfless commitment to serving and defending came to be regarded as the light side of the Force while the Sith's use of emotion and violence became known as the dark side of the Force"  
> -http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/The_Force
> 
> "Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will."   
> \- Yoda

"Wake up!" Someone is shaking me by the shoulders. "Rey, wake up!"

My chest heaves with the panic from my nightmare as I try to catch my breath. I throw my arms around Finn and hold onto him for dear life.  
"I don't want to turn to the Dark Side. That's not me. It won't be me!" I cry. My body trembles. Finn raises his hands to my ribs then lowers them again.   
I let go of him, pulling myself together. He was a Stormtrooper and I'm quite sure they aren't allowed attachments once they've joined the Stormtrooper program, so I imagine he's not used to affection.  
"I'm sorry," I say, wiping at my eyes.  
"It was just a bad dream," Finn reassures me. "I get them too."

I look down at my hands. They're shaking. "I killed Stormtroopers," I say. I look up at Finn to see his reaction but he only seems concerned for me. "On Kylo's ship, when you guys came to rescue me. I deflected their shots right back at them so they'd stop. I could have deflected the shots into the wall-"  
"But then they would have kept shooting at you," Finn says.  
"What if I already have the Dark Side in me? I killed people-"  
"So did I. But we're stopping them from destroying entire planets and civilizations, from taking away all the peace in the Galaxy, giving mothers and children the right to live safe lives, without fear of their planet being blown up for no reason at all. The First Order is building another Death Star."  
"But you're not Force sensitive. If I kill, if I choose the Dark Side, I'll become like Snoke."  
Finn is shaking his head but my heart races again in panic. I can't escape the vision of me as a Sith Lord in my dream, filled with hate and rage.

"It doesn't work that way." Leia's voice echoes in the hollowed room. Finn and I turn to see her approaching. We slide apart from each other on the bench. She's dressed in her General's uniform now, hair pinned back, a serious expression on her face.  
She looks down at me. "The Dark Side isn't something you simply fall into," she says. "It's not something you catch like a virus. It's a conscious choice. You have to choose it, freely and of your own will."  
"But Kylo doesn't," I say.

BB-8 rolls up to my feet and bumps my leg gently. I rest my hand on her head.  
"Maybe not anymore," Leia says. "But he did choose in the beginning. He chose to become a Sith Lord, the leader of the Knights of Ren. And he chose to kill them all so he could harness their power for Snoke and himself."  
"So now he's trapped forever?" I ask.

Finn stays quiet, listening. I must sound crazy to him, being concerned about Kylo, and afraid that I'm turning to the Dark Side unwillingly.  
"Rey..." The General gives me a tired smile. "You'll never be like Ben. I know the Force is a powerful and scary thing-"  
"Never say never," I say under my breath.  
"You need practice controlling your emotions," Leia continues. "So they don't control you, and make your decisions for you. That's the danger of the Dark Side, and the dangerous lure of powerful weapons like the Death Star and Kylo's light saber, they can tempt you. But ultimately it is always your choice, a series of choices, up until a point where you're in too far."  
"Unredeemable," I say.

Leia frowns but doesn't answer. Finn rubs the back of his neck, looking down at the ground.  
"Enough of the heavy talk," Leia says, attempting a more heartfelt smile. "Breakfast will be an informal gathering this morning, but this afternoon I'll be giving a quick announcement in the open air amphitheater before our afternoon meal. I think we've had enough battles for the time being." She looks from me to Finn then back again. "You two take a break. The Galaxy wasn't built in one day, and neither will it be saved in one day."  
Finn and I both nod and then Leia leaves.

I only now begin to notice that the hall is bustling with people, Resistance Fighters dressed in their plain civilian clothes and carrying bowls of food as they chatter.  
"Are Resistance Fighters always so cheerful?" I say to Finn.  
He laughs out loud and it startles me. Has it really been so long since I've heard a true, heartfelt laugh?  
"They're just happy to have won a victory," Finn says. "A small victory in a big battle, but still a victory."  
Does he mean rescuing me? Or hurting Kylo?

"I'm sorry," Finn continues. "This must seem disrespectful to you, everyone celebrating when you've just recently been kidnapped and held hostage by an evil Sith Lord."  
"No-"  
"Would it help to know that he's probably dead?"  
"What?" I gasp.  
"We don't know for sure," Finn shrugs, his leather jacket moving with his shoulders. "But two of our fighters hit the warp core reactor on Hux's battle ship and blew the whole thing up."

My eyes go wide and I wrap my arms around myself. There were so many Stormtroopers on that ship, so many lives...  
"There are reports," Finn continues, "of escape pods but we know Hux wasn't on any of them. Kylo may have escaped, using the Force to get away before the blast, but Luke wasn't with them. We think he might be with Snoke."

A chill runs down my spine and I feel exposed in my sleep gown. "Finn, I have to go get dressed."  
"Of course." Finn gets up quickly, offering me his hand. Such a strange gesture, considering there are no reasons I can see for me to need any help standing up from a bench.   
I almost don't take his hand but then the look on his face, his kind expression full of expectation, make me relent and take it. His enthusiasm is contagious.  
"Let me walk you to your room," he says and I nod.


	33. Ahch-To (Part 4)

The small amphitheater is crowded with Resistance Fighters, pilots and officers, all discussing strategies and exchanging information about the next battle plan. I wrap my shawl around me tighter and look up. A beam of sunlight streams down through an opening in the clouds, like a spotlight shining onto the neighbouring island across an expanse of raging ocean. I see the tall archways and remnants of a majestic castle that was once built into the jagged rocks. I want to be there, under that sunbeam, away from everyone.

“Can I please have your attention?” General Leia announces. The voices quiet down and everyone begins to sit on the ascending steps that encircle the edge of the amphitheater. At the front, under a wide archway covered in fresh green vines, are three throne-like seats where Leia stands to address the group. She waits until the chatter dies down then speaks.  
“Today,” she begins, her voice carrying across the fog that surrounds us. “We’re gathering not to discuss a battle, or mourn the dead. Today we are celebrating a victory.”  
Cheers erupt from the fighters and a chill of excitement runs through me.  
“Rey,” the General says, looking right at me. I tense. “Will you please come up?”

All eyes turn to me. I quickly get up, stepping around those sitting on the step below. I’m glad I chose a simple Resistance Fighter’s plain clothes to wear to this assembly, rather than the dark green dress with embroidering that was laid out in my bed chamber. I don’t know who left it there for me but I asked Finn to find me a size small in plain clothes and bring that to me instead. I'm already getting more attention than I could ever want.

Leia’s smile is genuine as I walk up onto the platform. She gestures for me to stand beside her. “Tonight we will celebrate a victory. The destruction of General Hux and his battle ship, and the safe return of a Padawan, one of the last of her kind, Rey.”  
Everyone cheers again and my cheeks flush. I clench my jaw, fighting back tears. The visions of Kylo being operated on are still fresh in my mind from last night. I can’t smile, so I settle for a tight lipped grin.

“Food has been set out at the dining hall,” Leia continues over the chatter. “And tonight there will be a feast,” she raises her hand to stop everyone from cheering again, “that is, the best we can do under the circumstances. The festivities will take place at the ancient city town square on the main Island. Shuttles will leave here at early sunset. I’d also like to remind everyone that tomorrow we plan our attack on the new Death Star and Smoke. So I expect you all to be up bright and early.”  
There is a hush over the crowd and Leia smiles. “But tonight, we celebrate!”

Applause break out and Leia pats my shoulder before stepping down the platform to join the others. I step down too, hoping to get lost in the crowd, but the friendly faces single me out, looks of awe, respect and pity, even some tears. None of which I deserve. My stomach tightens. I try to push through the crowd to get away from them. A young Resistance Fighter stops me and shakes my hand. I’m not even clear as to what they think I did or why they believe I deserve recognition, but I smile and shake hands anyway, not wanting to ignore them.

Then I spot Finn up on a step, looking out over the crowd. My shoulders relax and I wave to him. His face brightens when he sees me. He waves back and hurries down the steps to meet me. It doesn’t take him as much effort to move through the crowd as it does me.  
“Want to get out of here?” he says.  
“Yes please,” I sigh in relief.

* * *

“Wow, thank you.” I take the plate of food out of Finn’s hands. There are so many colours and it all looks so pretty I don’t want to ruin it by eating it. We're back at my sleeping chamber, away from the crowd in the dining hall. I didn't want to join the others so Finn offered to bring some food back to my room.  
“I brought you a little of everything,” Finn says, smiling proudly.  
“You didn’t have to,” I say, smiling back. “But thank you.”

I set the plate down on the small table in the corner. There are no chairs in the room so I stand, picking up a tiny sandwich with a small marine animal in-between the bread.  
“That one’s great,” Finn says. He leans down and grabs the edges of the stone table, lifting it with some effort.

“Finn, it’s fine…” I start to say but he’s already carried the table over to the bed.  
“Here, come sit down and eat,” he says. I walk over, still holding the tiny sandwich.  
“Aren’t you going to try it?” Finn takes a seat on the bed at the other side of the small table.  
“I wish I had your energy,” I say, taking a seat as well. I plop the sandwich into my mouth. The meat is chewy, then crunchy in the middle where I assume the bones are. It tastes salty, but has a hint of sweet aftertaste. There’s another one on the plate.

“Do you want the second one?” I ask Finn.  
“No, no.” He puts up his hands. “I’m full. I tried every piece of food in the dining hall, twice, to make sure it was good enough for your plate.”  
I’m not sure how to respond to that so I play around with my food, trying to decide what to eat next.  
“Oh, I didn’t get you a drink!” Finn gets up.  
“No, it’s fine…” I start to say, but he’s already gone. The tiny fish sandwich in my stomach has sparked my appetite so I pick up the second one and shove it into my mouth. There are desserts on the plate too and I test my ability to resist temptation by leaving the chocolate covered dessert for last.

By the time I finish all but the chocolate dessert Finn returns, out of breath. He hands me a mug of water, which I’m sure was full before he ran here to give it to me.  
“Thank you,” I say, drinking it gratefully. I finish the glass in seconds, wishing there was more.  
“Should I get you more?” Finn asks, taking the mug from my hand.  
“No,” I shake my head. “I’m fine. Thanks for helping me avoid the crowds.”

There’s a moment of silence and I wring my hands in my lap beneath the table. The chocolate dessert looks delicious but I don’t want to eat it in front of Finn for some reason. I’ll save it for later.  
Finn rubs the back of his neck, looking down at the table. He is wearing plain clothes too but has Poe’s leather jacket over the shirt. It suits him. Thinking of Poe makes me think of BB-8 and suddenly I want to see her again.

“Do you want to take a nap?” Finn asks.  
“No!” I say too quickly, and a little too loudly.  
Finn gives me a small grin. “Okay. Do you want to go down to the ocean side?”  
“Sorry.” I wipe my hands on my pants. “I think I’m going to go see how BB-8 is doing.”

“She’s fully charged and seems repaired as far as I could tell,” Finn says. “They’re probably just shining her up. You really care about that droid, don’t you?”  
I nod and my throat clenches with emotion, burning so I can’t speak.  
“Poe asked BB-8 if she’d like to join him again, in one of the fighter planes on our next mission,” Finn continues. “But BB-8 said no, she wants to stay by your side.”  
I nod, still unable to talk.  
“And she insists everyone call her a ‘she’ now.”

I smile then get up quickly, needing to move around. Last night’s dream of Kylo and my vision have left me feeling raw. There’s no one I can talk to about it. I don’t know Finn well enough yet. But I want to talk to BB-8. She hasn’t said anything to anyone about our time with Kylo and I get the sense she understands there’s a differing of opinion among the Resistance concerning him. I’m glad she’s getting fixed up, but I can’t help but feel edgy when we’re separated.  
Finn stands too, pulling the table aside so I have more room to walk, but it really isn’t necessary. Yet I admire his desire to be helpful and polite.  
“Would you like me to go with you?” he offers.

I shake my head. “I’ll just check in on BB-8. I can meet you at the transport shuttle at sunset.”  
“Sure,” Finn says, but is no longer smiling. I bite my lip. Did I hurt his feelings? He looks as though he’s about to say something, then seems to change his mind. “I’ll see you tonight,” he finally says, then walks out of the room.


	34. Ahch-To (Part 5)

I tug on the green embroidered dress that fits a little tight on the hips. General Leia insisted I wear something other than military sanctioned plain clothes. Poe walks ahead of me and I try to keep up. His fighter plane sits in the fog, beside others that I can't see, but I know are there.  
"Ready?" Poe asks, looking dapper in his pilot's uniform. He walks around to the pilot's side of the plane and hops in. I'm glad he doesn't offer me a hand up and that no one's around to see me lift my skirt to climb up.

Once we're inside, Poe hands me a helmet and I put it on.  
"I didn't even know they were having a party," Poe says into the headset. "So how come you missed the shuttle?"  
"I was looking for BB-8."  
"She's safe, don't worry," Poe says, then starts the engine. We lift off into the fog. "So what happened out there, with Kylo Ren? If you don't mind me asking." Poe keeps his eyes on the screens that show him which way to go.  
"I discovered he still has light left in him," I say.

Poe concentrates on the landing and doesn't reply.  
"That was quick," I say, unlatching my safety belt. We remove our helmets and I smooth back my braids.  
"We're just two islands over," Poe says.  
"You seem about as excited as I am about this party," I say.  
"I don't plan on staying long."  
"Me neither, I want to find someone to open the bay doors so I can get BB-8. When I went to the ship where they're doing repairs I didn't have the security codes for the doors. And no one was there."

Poe opens the hatch and jumps out. I follow after him. He doesn't come around to my side, thankfully, and I quickly climb down. He's waiting for me at the steps leading down to the ancient city ruins. The fog has lifted a bit here and the sun shines onto his face.  
"I hate celebrations," he says, crossing his arms.  
I smile. "Why is that?"  
"Because they build camaraderie and friendships, then you only miss those who die more when they're killed in battle. I don't want anyone to miss me. I don't want that to distract them in battle and get them killed too."

I nod and we both start to climb down the steps. The sound of a flute playing drifts up from below. We pass by the crumbling walls of the ancient city, the pillars now covered in vines. It's lovely in the sunset and yet it reminds me of a graveyard with white tombs. I shiver in the cool evening air.

Poe walks fast, like a man on a mission, and I break into a jog to catch up to him, not wanting to be left behind. He reaches the courtyard first and waves at someone in the crowd. The place is filled with people laughing and talking while someone plays a flute, adding to the festive atmosphere.

"Over here!" Poe yells. I look to see where he's looking and see Chewie waving back at us. He stands out as the tallest in the crowd.  
"Chewie!" I run down the steps with Poe beside me. Chewie makes his way to us and gives me a big hug. I hug him back. "It's great to see you."  
"I heard you flew in on the Millennium Falcon," Poe says.

Chewie lets out an excited cry and nods his head. I laugh, letting him go.  
The lively flute song changes to a different tune with a fiddle joining in. I glance around at all the happy faces. They begin to clap along to the beat and a circle forms around us.  
"What are they doing?" I ask Poe.  
"Rey!" Finn waves to me. I hurry over and join him where he's standing by the others. Suddenly they all begin to sing.

'Behold how good and how pleasant it is  
For brothers to dwell together  
In unity'

Everyone joins hands and Finn takes my hand in his. "I don't know how to dance," I tell him over the music.  
"It's simple," he says, looking down at our feet. "Step left, left, right, then left again. And repeat."

I follow along with the others. The circle does a slow turn as everyone steps in the same direction at once. We continue on until the chorus when suddenly everyone switches places. Before I can figure out where I'm supposed to stand Finn lifts me off my feet and sets me down on his other side. I laugh in surprise, my skirt spinning around us. The singing continues and we start the steps again, moving all together.  
"I don't think lifting me up is part of the dance," I say to Finn.  
"Sure it is." He winks. "But there aren't many girls in the circle for the guys to lift, so that's why it seems like you're the only one."

I look around. He's right. Most of the Resistance Fighters are guys. I spot Poe and Chewie, standing outside the circle watching the dancing, with silly grins on their faces. For all his talk about not wanting any attachments I'm glad to see Poe's found a friend in Chewie, and in Finn too. Finn is difficult not to be friends with. His warmth and spirit are unavoidable.

The song comes to the chorus again and I try to escape Finn before he can lift me, but I notice too late and he grabs my waist, lifting me into the air as high as he can. I laugh out loud, hearing hoots and cheers around me. Finn sets me down but leaves his hands on my waist for an extra moment longer. His palms feel warm and unfamiliar through the fabric of my dress.

"I have to go," I say over the singing. A look of surprise crosses Finn's face, but I run off before he can respond, leaving him calling after me. I can't stop the tears and I don't want anyone to see them. This always happens, when I think I'm having too much fun. It's like I'm disappointing my parents all over again, 'playing' around while my loved ones are slipping away from me and I don't even notice until it's too late. 'You will lose only that, of which your heart lets go.' I'll lose Kylo if I let go. I won't let him go. But I've already left him behind, like my parents left me.


	35. Ahch-To (Part 6) The Vision of The Eagle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Through the Force, things you will see. Other places. The future…the past. Old friends long gone.” 
> 
> -Yoda

I stop running when I reach an abandoned fountain with a statue at the center. It sits in the shadows of the stone city wall. There are no torches lit here and the air is cooler than in the courtyard, where it is filled with people. I can still hear their singing in the distance and the flute playing.

I sit at the edge of the fountain and look down at the dry bottom, where clear water once flowed but now there is only dirt. My heart doesn't want to calm down so I count slowly, the way I used to do back on Jakku whenever I felt this way.  
They didn't come back for me...  
I clench my fist to my chest, squeezing my eyes tight.  
No, please stop. They're coming back. They will return, just like I'll return for Kylo. I can't seem to breathe. I need more air.

'When you have the Force, you are never alone.' The voice, now familiar, is the same one that spoke to me when I was in the interrogation room.  
A large gust of wind blows my hair away from my face and I breathe in freely. Above me a massive bird, like the eagles back on Jakku, only larger and all black, lands on the fountain statue, its large talons grasping the head of the stone angel. It folds its majestic wings down, tucking them onto its back. The eagle turns its head to the side, eyeing me with large yellow eyes.  
There is a moment of complete stillness as we watch each other.

Come...

I extend my hand out and close my eyes, focussing in on the eagle's thoughts, knowing somehow that it wants to communicate. The eagle reacts instantly to the Force, pushing its wings down and fanning dust up from the bottom of the fountain into the air.

I suddenly feel weightless, rising up with the effort of heavy wings flapping at my sides. I look down at the fountain below, growing smaller and smaller. Standing beside it I see myself in the dark green dress, not moving. It's an eerie sight to behold myself from a different pair of eyes. But now I'm lifting higher and higher, above the clouds and fog. My chest is light as the wind catches beneath my wings. I'm one with the eagle as it takes me above the clouds.

The sky is dark blue with a sprinkling of stars now that the fog is below me. The sun's heat warms my black wings. From up here I can see to the ends of the planet, to the curve of the horizon.

The only sound is that of the wind rushing by. The eagle's thoughts are not in words, but visions. I see its memories, I see the other islands on this planet, lush green ones and then others made entirely of rock. I see visions of Jedi monks walking on the steps of their monasteries, in ages past. There are other animals too that once thrived here, large sea creatures jumping out from the waters below and falling back down with a big splash, the water reaching all the way up to the eagle's wings. The sound of the sea creature's monstrous cry pierces my heart.

Then there is only wind, and a slow drumbeat deep within me, the eagle's heartbeat.

The vision changes and battleships descend from the sky above. They lower down into the fog, firing, destroying.... castle walls crumble into the ocean with a splash. These aren't First Order battleships, they're from a time long ago. The eagle watches the island trees burn and the rocky mountains crumble as the animals of the planet try to flee but have nowhere to go.

'While evil reigns the planets die  
The forest trees, the sea and sky  
No wind on which eagles can fly  
No land for the creatures on which to lie'

Another island crumbles into the waves below, disappearing entirely beneath the water. Then yet another sinks down. The heat from the blasts disrupt my flying pattern and I plummet, then catch a new pocket of wind and level out again. I have nowhere to land. There is only water below as the sea rages and becomes red. The body of a massive sea creature rises to the surface, its belly up, tossing in the waves, dead. Still there is nowhere for me to land.

The planet erupts with a blast of heat, an explosion that lifts me up and away, away from the planet that is no more, now I will never land, and my heartbeat ends.  
I wake on a cold stone floor, my jaw clenched tight, my fists clamped shut.

'Go now, Rey, don't wait. Take Kylo Ren's light saber and bring it to Coruscant, don't hesitate, or the planets will die, the creatures of the Galaxy will not survive.'

I sit up slowly, feeling chilled to the bone. The fog has returned and I can't see into the sky anymore. The eagle is gone. Was it a dream? No, it couldn't have been. I flew. I can still feel the wind on my chest. I was one with the majestic eagle that showed me the past and the future.

"Rey!" Finn comes running towards me, a concerned look on his face. "There you are. I was looking everywhere for you. People were beginning to worry." He knees down beside me. "What happened? Are you okay?"  
"I'm fine," I say. "Finn?"  
"Yes?"  
"We need to talk."


	36. Ahch-To (Part 7)

The smell of burning wood fills the air and my eyes burn with the smoke shifting to our side of the campfire. We're away from the party that is still in full swing, but close enough that I can still hear their cheers and singing. I'm glad Finn insisted on making the fire. Its warmth heats my cheeks and hands.

"So you're sure it was a vision from the Force, not just a dream?" Finn asks, his eyes reflecting the fire as he looks at me. I nod.  
"It was a voice, a clear voice," I say. "And I felt the power it held. It gave me strength in the interrogation room, to get free of the chair and take Kylo Ren's light saber."  
Finn takes a deep breath then looks back at the fire. It crackles as we sit together.

"General Leia told me not to touch it," I whisper. "Even Kylo warned me against it."  
"What does your heart tell you?" Finn asks. I look up at him in surprise.  
"I..." There's no question as to what my heart tells me. It tells me to listen to the voice and take the light saber to Coruscant.  
"Should we talk to General Leia? We could dispatch a fleet of-" Finn starts to say but I interrupt.  
"No, I need to do this by myself. She'd never let me take the light saber anyway. And the fleet will draw the attention of the First Order. I get the feeling this is best done in secret."

"I'll go with you."  
"No," I shake my head. "I just need you to take me to the sealed vault in the catacombs, so I can get the light saber."  
"I know I don't have the Force and that you're probably a thousand times stronger than me. But I can help you fly the Millennium Falcon."  
"BB-8 will help me."

Finn seems to think about this as he watches the fire. "I won't be tempted by the light saber," he says softly. "I don't have the Force so it won't be as dangerous in my hands. I should be the one to carry it."  
I'm about to object but then stop. "You're right."  
"When everyone is sleeping, we'll go."

* * *

"Thanks for doing this," I say to Poe as he unlocks the large battleship bay doors where the equipment repair area is.  
"No problem," Poe says. The big doors slide open and we walk inside.  
"I didn't want to sleep alone." I clear my throat. "That is, I didn't want to leave BB-8 here alone all night."  
"I understand," Poe says. He walks ahead of me down the corridor and I follow. We enter an open room with lots of tables laden with broken equipment and robotic parts. Poe spots BB-8 first and we walk over. She's unmoving and unresponsive.

"What's wrong with her?" I say, my voice rising.  
"She's been disabled-"  
"What?" My breathing becomes faster now. "Why would they shut her off?"  
"I'm not sure." Poe finds the switch and BB-8 comes to life. 

She looks frantically around, her head spinning to and fro, stopping at me.  
"Rey," she beeps. "I thought you left to go find Kylo without me."  
"No..." I give her a hug. "I'd never do that. They were just repairing you." I look down at her still dented compartment door.  
"I guess they didn't get around to it yet," Poe says.

"I told them I wanted to see you," BB-8 beeps. "But they powered me off." She becomes still suddenly and then starts moving again, turning to Poe. "I have new programming."  
"What kind of new programming?" I ask.  
"I don't know. I can't access it but it's taking up a lot of my memory."

I lift BB-8 off the table and set her on the ground. "Let's get you out of here."  
"Are we going to find Kylo now?" she asks.  
"No," I say. Poe gives me a curious look but doesn't ask. "We're going to bed early. It's been a long night."  
"But you don't want to sleep remember?"  
"Of course I do," I try to make a convincing chuckle, but fail terribly. "Thanks for your help Poe."

"No problem. I think I'll stay here and work on this engine."  
"Sure." I can't tell if he's genuinely interested in fixing the engine or just needing an excuse for some time alone. "Thanks again."  
BB-8 and I turn to leave.  
"It's good to have you back," I say to her. "That's the last time I ever let anyone take you away from me."


	37. Ahch-To (Part 8) - I Won't Leave You Behind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Your destiny lies with me, Skywalker"…  
> "It is useless to resist"
> 
> -Darth Vader

Back at my sleeping chamber I change into my black clothes that I wore on Yavin_4. They’ve been washed and folded by the sanitation crew, who travel with the larger battleship stations where the fighter planes dock for rest in between missions. A sigh escapes me as I slip my arms into the soft fabric. My belt is also with the clothes and I put that on too once I’m dressed.

“We’re going back for Kylo,” I say to BB-8. “I won’t leave him behind.”  
She bleeps excitedly.  
“But first, we have to get his light saber and take it to Coruscant.”

“Rey?” I turn and see Finn standing there. “Sorry!” His cheeks flush. “There are no doors in this place and the curtain… well Poe said you wanted to see me?” Finn’s flush deepens as I finish clipping on my belt.  
“Yes, you wouldn’t happen to know anything about BB-8 getting new programming would you?”  
“Um… no, I don’t know.” Finn adjusts his jacket and runs a hand over his short hair. “Are you going to sleep for a bit? Before we go down into the catacombs?”

I shake my head no but then I see the expectant look in Finn’s eyes, like he’s hoping to hang out with me.   
“I might sleep actually,” I say.

We stand in silence for a moment then Finn turns to leave. “Okay, well, I’ll let you rest.” He walks to the entrance way then stops. “Would you like me to stay?”  
“No,” I say quickly. “I’m just going to rest. Will you let me know when the General is asleep?”  
“Yes,” he smiles. “I’ll check in on everyone late at night and come let you know.”  
“Thanks.”  
He leaves through the curtain.

I tell BB-8 about my visions and how Kylo came to visit me in a dream the previous night and my vision of me as a Sith Lord. I leave out the part about Kylo kissing me. Then I tell her about my vision through the eyes of the eagle and the planets being destroyed. BB-8 listens then turns her head to me.  
“So Kylo’s not allowed to sleep or dream?”  
“I guess not.”  
“But he was laying with you all night on Yavin_4. Did he lay there that whole time awake?”  
“I…”  
My shoulders slump and I sit down on the bed. Then I drop my head into my hands and cry.

“What’s wrong?” BB-8 beeps. I can’t answer. I pull my knees up and hug them to my chest.  
“BB-8. Will you wake me in half an hour? In case I fall asleep?” I say between staggered breaths. “I’m just… going… to rest for a bit. I won’t dream that fast. Please just wake me.”  
“Okay.”

I lay down on my side and turn my back to BB-8 curling up into a ball. My belt digs into my side but I don’t care.  
Kylo, I’m not going to leave you behind.

I dream of a dark place, filled with black ashes, on the ground and on the walls and in the air. My boot is covered in soot and so are my dessert clothes, which I’m now wearing. A hooded figure watches me from the shadows. It has glowing eyes.

'Come to me. I’ll show you the way to go. Just follow his suffering and pain'

It’s Snoke. I can’t speak or reply to him, only listen. He’s got me in a hold that clenches my heart so tight that it’s as though my chest is hollow and I’m not even alive. Snoke raises his arm slowly, out to the side. I look to where he’s indicating. I see Kylo, tied to a post, slumped down, knees bent, beaten and bleeding, his head bowed.  
“No!” I yell. I try to move, try to run to him but I’m frozen.

'Come save him. It’s you I want. I’ll let him go, if you bring yourself to me.'

I swallow hard and turn my attention to Snoke.  
“I will come.”

'No, Rey. Don’t come.'   
It’s Kylo, he’s raised his head and is now looking at me. 

'I made a promise not to let you go'

'Don’t come, Rey. He’s lying to you.'

“Quiet!” Snoke’s voice thunders.   
He thrusts out his arm and Kylo cries out in pain.  
“Stop!” I yell.

“Rey? Rey?” BB-8’s beeps enter my thoughts and I wake. “It’s been half an hour. You told me to wake you.”  
“We can’t wait any longer BB-8, we have to go now.”


	38. Ahch-To (Part 9) - The Catacombs

"Ouch!" Finn says as I trip over him in the corridor. He's sitting on the floor.  
"What are you doing here?" I ask.  
"I was..." Finn gets up and brushes himself off. "I thought we were going to leave in the middle of the night, not so soon. The General just finished her tea not too long ago and went to bed."  
"Then she'll be sound asleep for a few hours."  
BB-8 beeps. "Finn was guarding you."  
"Come on," I say softly. "Let's go, and no more talking. We need to be a little more quiet."  
We hurry down the hall. BB-8 slides around on the marble floor as she tries to get some traction. I slow down to wait for her. 

When we're finally outside on the landing platform, Finn takes us to where Poe's X-Wing fighter is. We climb in without a word, the fog muffling the sounds of the hatch opening and closing. Finn uses the magnetic pickup crane at the bottom of the plane to lift BB-8 in and seat her behind us, where the bombs and supplies usually go. I turn back to her and make sure she's secure.

"How far is it to the Temple?" I ask, buckling up.  
"Not far." Finn runs a hand over his hair.  
"Aren't you going to buckle in?" I ask.  
"I'm not much of a pilot..."

I sigh and open the hatch again so we can exchange places.  
"I mean," he continues. "I can fly, it's just the fog. It's like flying blind," he says.  
"No problem," I say, putting on my helmet and starting the engine. "You okay BB-8?" I call over the sound. She sticks out her lighter thumbs up, smacking Finn in the back of the helmet.  
"Hey!"  
"Sorry," she beeps.

Poe's plane has sensitive controls and each movement is dramatic enough to make my stomach uneasy. There's zero visibility so I watch the monitors in front of me carefully.  
"Which island?" I ask.  
"Uh..." Finn messes around with the controls. My stomach is already in knots with concern for Kylo and Finn's uncertainty certainly doesn't help. "It's that one, there," he points outside.

I look out. There's a break in the fog and I see the island and the ruins below. I search for a place to land.  
"I got us some great ear pieces for communicating," Finn says, reaching into his pocket. His elbow bumps my arm and the pane tilts.  
"How about you show me after we land," I say into the helmet headset.  
Finn nods and sits still.  
"Can I communicate too?" BB-8 asks behind me.  
"Of course," I say. "Right Finn? Can she tap into our comm frequencies?"  
"Yeah, no problem."

I lower the plane onto a rocky surface and the bottom crunches to a halt. I cringe. Oops. I'll have to apologize to Poe next time I see him. If I ever see him again, that is.  
"You ready?" I turn to Finn.  
"As ready as I'll ever be to raid the catacombs of an ancient Jedi temple, where the Galaxy's most dangerous weapon is locked up."  
I roll my eyes and turn off the engine.   
Finn opens the hatch and I look down at all the stones and crumbling ruins that look as though they're going to collapse into the ocean at any moment.  
"BB-8," I turn to her. "You'll just have to stay in here and wait for us."  
She beeps.  
"We won't be long," I say, then climb out.

The rocks slide beneath our feet as we make our way to the main area of the temple. Endless steps lead in many directions but our destination is visible up ahead, the tall center of the temple sticks out like a beacon in the fog.  
Finn falls behind, somehow finding every loose stone to slip on. I grab his arm before he slides down the side of the cliff into the water below.  
"Thanks," he says.

When we reach the sanctuary I breathe a sigh of relief. Here the ground is solid and we're closer to our destination. I stop to look up at the broken ceiling, open to the sky above. A few lonely stars twinkle in the dark blue sky, away from the fading sun that never sets. They seem impossibly far away, like we could never travel there, and yet Kylo is much farther than those two stars.  
"Which way now?" I ask Finn.  
He points to the other side of the sanctuary and I start to run, my boots crunching loose gravel on the stone floor. Finn follows.  
"Here," he says, stopping and pointing down to the ground.

Cool, musky air escapes up through a dark hole in the floor. I step back. There's a rope ladder leading down into the darkness below.  
"Seriously?" I say.  
Finn shrugs. "Well at least I haven't seen any guards around."  
I sigh. "You never know."  
Finn pulls out a blaster and I wave my hand at him. "Put that away. If you shoot that thing here the whole place will crumble into the ocean."   
I crouch down and look into the hole. Another cool breeze wafts up, smelling of mildew and rotten things. "Do you have a light?"  
"No," Finn frowns.

I set my hands onto the cold stone, preparing to climb down. Faint voices float up from the catacombs, children's voices, some crying, some talking. It's so faint that I wonder if I'm just imagining it.  
"Can you hear that?" I look up at Finn.  
"What?"  
"The voices."

He shakes his head then crouches down beside me to listen.  
I hear them more clearly this time but Finn is unfazed.  
"I don't hear anything." He looks at me. "Why, do you hear something?"  
I don't answer but start climbing down the rope ladder, kicking up dust from around the edge of the hole in the ground. I can do this. I have to. For the planets and animals and for Kylo.

I continue on down, imagining a long drop. But I reach the bottom faster than I expect.  
"It's not too far down," I call up to Finn. He's still waiting at the top and I can't help but shake my head at him. "I can go look for it by myself, if you want to guard the entrance."  
"No, I'm coming." Finn heads down.  
I hear the voices again. I know they're not real people, but spirits of ages past. I try to block them out, the distant screams that echo in my mind.  
"Hurry Finn," I say, wrapping my arms around myself. "We have to get back to BB-8."

Finn jumps from the ladder with a thud, startling me.  
"You okay?" he asks from somewhere in the dark. My eyes are still adjusting to the dim lighting and I look down the long cave-like passageway. There are pillars on either side, made of thousands of flat stones stacked onto one another. A dim blue light, like moon shine, illuminates the cavern all the way down to the other side.  
"Do you see that?" I ask.  
"The light?" Finn says.  
"Yeah." I sigh, wiping the sweat off my forehead. "Thank goodness you see it too."  
"It's in the air."

I look around. He's right, the dust floating in the air has some kind of energy that makes it glow. I cover my mouth with my hand. "Maybe we shouldn't breathe it in."  
Finn nods and covers his mouth as well. "At the end of the hall is where it should be, in the last tomb."

I groan. Of course it has to be in some creepy tomb. We walk in silence, our steps echoing off the down the long corridor. Now that my eyes have adjusted I can see caskets on either side of us running all down the passageway, behind the flat rock pillars. They're closed, thankfully, with heavy stone lids. There is definitely no one down here guarding the light saber, other than the spirits of the dead.  
A chill runs through me. Why would they bring it here? And yet, I feel the Force all around, pushing in on me, stifling me. It's faint, like a forgotten memory, far away but still quite present, the essence of both the light and the dark side, together in one place, conflicting but in balance. I must be imagining it.

"Are you sure this is where they brought it?" I ask Finn.  
"Look," he says, pointing to a tomb with a red glow around the lid edges.  
"That's strange," I whisper. "How is the light saber activated in there?" I lean down to push the lid aside. It's quite heavy and Finn rushes to help me.  
Stone scrapes against stone, kicking up sparkling dust. I hold my breath. A loud hollow sound echoes through the cavern, so loud it rattles my teeth. The light from the opening on the other end goes dark.

"I think we activated a trap," Finn says, his expression unreadable in the dim light. I cover my mouth again as my breathing becomes heavier and my heart pounds. Kylo's light saber hums behind me. I turn. The red light glows powerfully. It can help us. I reach for it and Finn grabs my wrist.  
"Let me," he says.   
He reaches in and grasps the handle. The red light immediately closes up leaving me temporarily blinded in the darkness. When my eyes adjust again I see Finn holding the light saber, studying it in his hand.

"Give it to me," I say. My voice sounds harsh to my own ears.  
"What?" Finn looks up.  
"It's not safe with you." My breathing becomes louder and I no longer care about the potentially radioactive dust. I grab for the light saber and Finn pulls away.  
"No, we decided I would carry it, remember?"  
"I want it."  
"I can't let you have it-"

"Give it to me!" I yell. The sound is amplified in the cavernous hall, not even sounding like me. I throw out my hand at Finn and he goes flying down the corridor to the other end, landing on his back and sliding across the loose stones. He drops the light saber and I run for it.  
Finn scrambles to his feet and snatches the light saber seconds before I do. I freeze him in place and he begins to choke.  
"I want it."  
"Rey..." Finn whispers, his throat sounding dry. "Stop... I can't breathe."

"Finn?" I release him immediately and he falls to the floor, sending more electric dust flying. I kneel down beside him. "I'm so sorry... are you okay?" I ask.  
"I'm... okay," Finn says, his voice sounding tight. He rubs at his neck and avoids looking at me.  
"I don't know what came over me. I'm so sorry."  
"It's fine." Finn is still breathing hard and his right arm is behind his back, hiding the light saber from my view.  
"Keep it out of sight," I say. "We've got it now and we need to get back to BB-8."

Finn nods and gets up off the ground. We look up. The opening is now closed with a wooden trap door. I climb up the wobbly rope steps and push on the door. It's latched shut.  
"What are we going to do? Should I blast it open?" Finn says.  
"I got this," I say, closing my eyes. The glowing dust seems to energize me, I can feel it closing in on me as I tap into the Force. My fingers on the wood above me absorb its shape and size. I envision it in my mind. I see the outside and the latch. I coax it open, as though asking it to do my bidding. It moves ever so slowly. I take deliberate breaths, focusing, concentrating.  
I hear a click and I push up.

"Nice!" Finn cheers from below as the light floods down on us.  
"Thanks." I wipe the sweat off my brow. "Now let's get out of here."


	39. To Coruscant

"Could we not just go get a more reliable ship?" I yell down to Finn over the loud hissing sounds. He's fixing another gas leak on the Millennium Falcon and every second we're not in the air feels like an eternity.

The hissing stops and Finn climbs up, his face sweaty. "It's fixed."  
"Alright," I sigh. "But there are better ships."  
"We can't get to those," Finn says. "Chewie landed this away from the other planes. It's less likely anyone will notice us leave right away if we take this one. The other ships are all on the landing site and have too much security. And this is big enough to get us where we're going."

Finn heads to the cockpit and I follow. I take the pilot seat and Finn sits in the co-pilot chair.  
"Ready?" I give him a reassuring smile.  
Finn nods and we take off. We don't have a full amount of power and the deflection shields are on, draining even more power.

"Finn, we need to conserve power. Can you turn off the deflection shields?"  
"Got it." Finn reaches up and I see the light saber on his belt. I jump out of the pilot's seat and the ship tilts. "Grab the controls."  
"What?"  
"You can fly this ship can't you?"  
"I..."

I run off, needing to get as far away from the light saber as possible. I pass BB-8 in the hall.  
"Are you okay?" she beeps, rolling after me.  
I stop running and crouch down, wrapping my arms around my knees. "I don't know BB-8."  
"You need more sleep."  
"No!" I snap and BB-8 backs up. "Sorry." My shoulders slump. "You're right, I probably do need more sleep. But there's no way I'm going to sleep and see those visions again."  
"Of Kylo with Snoke?"  
"Yes." I get up and begin to pace the hall. "Can't this thing go any faster?" I yell to the front.

"I'll try," Finn yells back.   
I keep pacing.  
'Rey...'   
The voice in my mind is Kylo's. We're moving closer to where he is.  
"Kylo?" I run full speed to the cockpit and grab the yoke away from Finn. He let's go in surprise.  
"Forget Coruscant," I say. "We're going to go kill Snoke instead."

Finn leans back. "What about the light saber and your vision and the voice telling you to take it to Cor-"  
"Forget that!" I snap.  
Finn sets his hand over mind on the yoke. "I don't think we should."  
"Red Leader to Millennium Falcon," the comm system blares, startling both of us.  
"Cease and desist, I repeat, desist and return to Ahch-To."

I hit the comm button. "Poe? Is that you?"  
"Yes. The General insists you return immediately."  
"Negative Red Leader. We aren't prepared to do that," I reply.  
"I've got direct orders-"

The communication gets interrupted by another message.  
"This is your General. I don't know what you're up to but you need to head back immediately. That BB-unit has sensitive information we can't afford to let fall into enemy hands, where I'm assuming you're headed."

I blink, moving away from Finn and sinking into the co-pilot's seat. Finn sits up straighter, taking a firm grasp of the yoke with one hand and rerouting our course with the other.  
"Stop!" I pull his hand away and he tenses. "General," I tap the comm button. "I need to take the light saber to Coruscant."  
"Coruscant has been destroyed, by the First Order. I repeat, the planet no longer exists."

Finn glances at me and my jaw tenses.  
"Should we go back?" he asks.  
I blink back tears. Could I have been so wrong?

Finn takes a deep breath then turns off the comm unit. "Let's go see if it's still out there. Maybe they're wrong." He boosts the ship into warp speed and I fall back against the seat. The stars melt away around us.  
"I thought we didn't have enough power for warp speed," I yell over the engine.  
"Not if we want to come back," Finn yells back.

He's right. There's no heading back now. I look out at the spiraling vortex we're zooming through. It won't be long now. We drop out of warp speed a moment later and come to a slow stop in an empty stretch of space.  
"Finn, why did you stop?"

His hands hover over the controls. Then he checks the co-ordinates.  
"I'm sorry Rey. This is it."  
"What?"  
"Coruscant. It's..."

I slouch down in my seat. There are no nearby planets, only distant stars. The General was right. The planet is gone.  
"What's that?" Finn says, pointing.  
I look up. "An asteroid?"  
"No. I think it's an escape pod."

I sit up in my seat. "Go closer."  
Finn does and we see that it is, in fact, an old fashion escape pod.

* * *

My heart beats so fast I'm light headed as we wait for the shuttle pod to be safely set into the Millennium Falcon. Finally the doors to outer space close and the cargo bay area repressurizes.  
"I'll go," Finn says, but I'm already pushing past him to the doors. They slide open with a hiss.

I step out into the open area. The walls of the escape pod crackle with the change in temperature. I can feel the cold of space radiating off its metal. Finn stops beside me and I hear BB-8 roll in as well. There's a window to the pod but I can't see inside.  
"Should I open it?" Finn asks.

I nod. He goes over and pulls down on the emergency lever that unlocks the hatch from the outside. The pod opens.  
I gasp.  
A hooded figure sits hunched over in the seat inside, unmoving. Finn pulls out the red light saber and ignites it. My heart jumps to my throat.

"Put that away!" The man in the cloak says, raising his head slowly. He extends out his arm and the light saber goes flying out of Finn's hand. I try to lunge for it but I'm locked in a Force hold.

I look at the elderly man sitting in the pod. "I thought all the Jedi's were dead," I say to him.  
"Perhaps. But I'm not a Jedi. I'm only a teacher." He lifts back his heavy hood to reveal a head of white hair and an aged face. The effort seems almost too much for him. Finn picks up the light saber and I resist the urge to call it to me. He tucks it into his belt.

"Who are you?" he asks the cloaked man.  
"I'm the one who called you here. But first, before I answer any questions, I must have some water."


	40. Master Dukath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Always in Motion is the Future”  
> -Yoda
> 
> “Bury your feelings deep down, Luke. They do you credit, but they could be made to serve the Emperor”  
> -Obi-Wan

“He was a troubled boy when he came to me,” Master Dukath says in a dry voice. We are sitting around the games table, two containers of water on it. BB-8 remains in the corner of the room, afraid of Dukath for some reason, but I know she’s still listening. I lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees.  
“His emotions were not in control,” Dukath continues, looking at me. “And neither are yours.”

I straighten. Finn glances over at me, then back at Dukath.  
The elderly man breathes in slowly. “I am dying and should already be dead,” he says with effort. “But I held on to life to bring you here. I’ve had a vision. You… young Padawan, turning to the Dark Side.”  
I shake my head, but can’t speak. Tears roll down my face and I can’t stop them.

“The future is always in motion,” Dukath continues. “Therefore you do not need to fear what I tell you, only, make the decisions that will prevent this from happening. The sword of the Knights of Ren can destroy Snoke, yes, but it is not the only thing that can. You must not take it back to him.

"You cannot save Kylo Ren, he is too far deep within his doubt. He does not believe in his own way out. Only he can free himself, but I have seen his heart. He will not let go of that which holds him captive, that which tears him apart.  
"You must not go to him, you must not seek him out. Do not confront Snoke for he knows your weaknesses, he knows how you feel about Kylo Ren, and he will use this to draw you in. This will surely be your end.  
"His power lies only in deception, his strength only in that which is your own inner weakness within.”

He pauses. The air vents of the Millennium Falcon hum as we sit silently.

“You and Ben have fused your Force to one another, this is why Snoke now has you on the brink of your own destruction. To your own emotions do not give in.”

My chest aches and my eyes burn. Master Dukath sinks down in his seat.  
“Master? Please…” I say in a choked voice. “Tell me, why can’t two Force sensitive persons become attached? Kylo’s parents-”

“One of them was sensitive to the Force, the other was not. You can in fact have attachments with others, but with your own kind, it is forbidden. For the child of such a union would go mad with the Force, a Force that he or she would not be able to control. Dangerous. A forbidden child.

“Save the Galaxy from the First Order young Rey. But not with the sword. Your emotions are too strong right now, turn back your course. With your friends and with patience, against Snoke you will win, but first you must let go... of Kylo Ren.”

Master Dukath bows his head and breathes his last breath.

* * *

“Rey?”

Finn knocks on the washroom door lightly. I’ve been in here a while but I can’t face him yet. I can’t even talk to BB-8. “Are you alright?” he asks.  
I don’t answer and I can hear him sigh on the other side of the door.

“Rey?” he says again, then stops. It is silent for a moment. Then he says, “I think you should go save Kylo Ren.”  
I freeze. “What?”  
“I think you should follow your heart.” Finn’s voice is muffled behind the door. I pull it open and he looks at me. His expression changes to that of pity. I must look like such a mess, after all that crying.  
“But you heard what Dukath said,” I say.  
“Yes I did. And he might be right about some of it. But I also believe that the future is not written and that you can write it yourself.”

I don’t know how to respond but Finn’s words spark hope in my heart.  
“Listen,” he sighs. “I don’t know what happened between you and Kylo Ren or anything, but it’s clear to me that you love him.”  
I nod, the tears flowing again.  
“And the Master Jedi… guy, said you fused your Force together.” Finn keeps his eyes down. “So to me, it seems if you let him die, you’ll sort of die too… in your heart and spirit.”

I throw my arms around Finn, startling him. Then he returns the hug and I hear BB-8 beeping. She wants to help too.  
“I can talk to Kylo too and tell him not to doubt, like Master Dukath said,” she beeps. “We can tell him to believe that he can become free.”  
I sniffle, letting go of Finn.  
“Okay, BB-8,” I say. “Thank you.” I set my hand on her little head.

Suddenly an alarm sounds, shaking me out of my emotional slump. “What’s that?”

“The intruder alarm. Someone’s on board.”


	41. Before The Storm

"Poe!" Finn and I say at the same time, coming to a stop at the docking port. Poe removes his helmet.  
"How did you-" I begin to say, catching my breath from our run.

"Listen," Poe puts up his hand to silence me. "I'm only here to get BB-8. It's really important that-"  
"No," I say sternly.  
"Just hear me out."  
"BB-8 stays with me." My hand trembles at the urge to grab the light saber off of Finn's belt. I clench my fists.

Poe looks off to the side, pressing his lips together and crossing his arms.  
Finn steps in between us, holding out his hands. "No one's going anywhere. What do you need from BB-8 exactly?" he asks Poe.  
"The memory drive."  
"We can't remove her memory," I object. "She'll forget everything. She'll lose all her memories. And it's not fair to her."

"Hold on," Finn says. "Can we just remove the part of the memory you need?" He looks at Poe.  
BB-8 beeps behind us.  
"She says she only has one memory drive and everything is on it," I repeat for her.  
"General Leia sent me to get BB-8." Poe glares at us. "And she wants the light saber returned too. They'll send a fleet after you if you don't consent."  
"They don't know where we're going," I reply, crossing my arms.  
"They can easily track you."

"Finn? Can we change the tracking signature of the Millennium Falcon to confuse their sensors?"  
"No, but I think I have an idea," Finn says, leaving quickly.  
"What?" Poe watches him go, a confused look on his face. "Why are you doing this?"  
"I'm sorry Poe. I'm going after Snoke and I'm going to kill him. And I'm not leaving BB-8 behind."  
"You're making a mistake."

BB-8 rolls back and forth near our feet but doesn't say anything.  
"The Resistance can help you," Poe continues. "Why don't you let us help? We need a strategy, a plan."  
"No," I shake my head. "They will all just get killed. Don't you see? Snoke won't be defeated that way, with weapons fire and another battle against the First Order. We've tried that. It isn't going to work. I'm the one who has to do it."

There is a moment of silence and even BB-8 stops moving as we wait for Poe's response.  
He nods finally, looking down. "I believe in you Rey. Count me in."

* * *

"Run this by me again?" Finn says, rubbing his forehead. We're sitting around the games table, going through a strategy, as Poe insisted we should do before heading out.  
"I don't know what to expect when we get there," I say. "If they're on a planet, on a battleship or what. But basically, I'll go to Kylo, Snoke will be expecting me to go straight for him. But he won't be expecting the two of you."  
"Or, he might be expecting a whole Resistance army," Poe mumbles.

"Maybe, but I don't think he'll see the two of you as any threat to him," I say. "Finn, you keep the light saber. Snoke will be focused on getting me to join the Dark Side and hopefully ignoring you. So our best bet is for you to strike when he least expects it."  
"Won't he sense the light saber?" Finn rubs his hands over his knees.  
"Hopefully he'll think I'm the one in the room that has it on me."  
"I know a way we can sneak onto their ship. But if they're on a planet, it will be impossible to remain hidden," Poe says, a serious expression on his face.

"He'll know I'm coming either way," I reply. "But you should stay out of site anyway. You're our back-up. And you'll be with BB-8."  
He nods.  
"It's hard to make concrete plans when we don't know what we're going into," I sigh, sitting back.

"Agreed," Finn nods. "But we've got the element of surprise, if I'm the one to use the light saber." His hand moves to his belt and I hold back a gasp at my sudden urge to grab the light saber. It was never like this on Yavin_4, so what changed? I guess I didn't want to use it to kill an evil Sith Lord back then.  
I get up. "Let's keep going. I'll fly."

\-------

The wait is agonizing as Poe pushes a meteorite through space with the tip of his X-Wing fighter plane, moving slowly towards the Battleship ahead. I know Kylo is here, but I can't feel whether Snoke is, or not, and I'm glad. Just the thought of him makes my skin crawl and as long as I don't sleep, I won't have to see him. I do feel Kylo's presence though, growing nearer and nearer by the second.

It takes all my resolve not to lean over to the front of the plane and grab the controls to blast this fighter forward already. But we're pretending to be a slow moving meteorite passing by. I grip the back of Poe's seat tight. There isn't much room for BB-8 and I back at the back and we had to leave some good bombs behind to make room for me. But the X-Wing was a better choice for being discrete than flying in on the Millennium Falcon.

"So where should I land?" Poe asks.  
"It doesn't really matter," I say. "Somewhere less heavily guarded if possible. But they'll know we're here I think. At least Kylo will. I don't know about Snoke. I can't sense him."  
"How about the sanitation shoot at the back?" Finn asks. His voice, and Poe's, come through the small ear piece Finn brought for each of us. We're locked on to BB-8 as well. "If the fleet doesn't know we're here then we can get in through the cargo bay-"  
"Hold on," Poe shouts as the large Battleship comes to a stop in front of us.   
Our meteorite is suddenly moving forward way too fast now that the battleship has stopped. There's not enough time to adjust the speed and the meteorite crashes into the side of the ship with a jolt, crunching the front of Poe's already battered X-Wing fighter.

"They must be expecting us," Poe says. "Their deflector shields are down."  
My hands are clammy as I adjust my ear piece. "Finn, are you ready for this?"  
"As ready as I could ever be to kill an evil Sith Lord."  
"Alright, then let's do this."

\-----------

The immediacy of Kylo's presence is so strong that I have no idea which direction to take in the brightly lit halls of the battleship. Finn wipes at his forehead and doesn't say anything. The corridor is eerily empty and silent. The entire ship is still, like the catacombs on Ahch-To.

"Are you sure he's here?" Finn whispers. He wipes his hands on his shirt and I realize this is his first time back on a ship like this since the battle on Starkiller Base.  
"He's definitely here," I whisper in response. Our boots click on the smooth floors as we make our way down another hallway.  
"This doesn't feel right," Finn says. Then I gasp.  
"Kylo?"

Kylo stands at the end of the hall, in his black clothes, without the helmet, unharmed, unbeaten, and dark look in his eyes.

'I told you not to come'

Finn looks from Kylo to me then back again.  
"I'm here for you," I say.  
"FN2187," Kylo says to Finn without taking his eyes off of me. "Take her home to Jakku."  
"I'm not leaving here without you-" I begin to say.

Kylo curls his fingers and I go flying forward.  
"Rey!" Finn yells behind me. I hear him running forward as I slide on my knees before Kylo's feet.  
"Go wander the halls," Kylo says to Finn in a low voice, "and forget why you're here. Don't come back to this corridor."

My throat is locked tight and I can't speak. I watch Finn walk away in a trance.  
Kylo crouches down in front of me. "I told you not to come. Now I have to kill you."


	42. The Storm - Part 1: Shattered

"Kylo, stop!" My back hits the wall and I'm held in place, my feet off the ground.  
'Where's the light saber?' Kylo's eyes bore into mine.  
"You told me not to touch it," I say in a tight voice. "So I don't have it."

Kylo whips his hand and I go flying. This time I stop the impact using the Force and I spin around to face him.  
"I know it's here," he says.  
"I don't have it."  
"Where is it?"  
"I thought you were hurt." I back away as he approaches.

"That's what Snoke wanted you to think." Kylo pulls me forward again and this time his hand clasps around my throat. He's more powerful now. Or maybe I'm just more weak when around him.  
"It would be better for you to die, than for Snoke to have you."  
"Like your father did?" I regret the words the moment they come out of my mouth.

Kylo releases me, his eyes cold. I reach for my belt, but then remember that I no longer have a light saber. Kylo doesn't have one on him either.  
'It's just us' He circles around me. 'You still have a chance to leave.'  
I hold my hands up, ready for a fight. 'I'm not leaving without you. I made a promise to myself, not to leave anyone behind.'  
'No attachments, Rey.' Kylo's cape moves about his feet as he circles, his eyes never leaving mine.

"It's still my choice." My throat burns, but I have to say this out loud. "It's my choice to love you."

Kylo stops. He closes his eyes for a moment then opens them again. "There's no such thing as love," he says softly. "Not for a Sith Lord."  
"There can be-"  
"It's too late for me," he yells. "Don't make it too late for you too."

I drop my arms. "If you're going to kill me then go ahead and do it already."  
A look of confusion crosses Kylo's face.  
"I'm here to kill Snoke," I continue. "So you can be free."  
"It's not that simple. You underestimate Snoke's power."  
"And you overestimate it," I say.

He bows his head, raising a black gloved hand to his face. "Why don't you just let me go," he says softly, leaning back against the wall. You can't save me. I'm not deserving... of you.  
"I don't care if you are, or aren't." I move closer.

Kylo shakes his head slowly, his dark hair hanging into his eyes. He tries to hold back his thoughts from me but is having trouble. I see glimpses of sadness and it grips my heart. He's afraid that he'll lose me, the way he lost himself to Snoke. His guard is coming down fast now and his emotions seep through to me. I take another step forward and lift his chin so I can look into his eyes.

'That won't happen,' I insist. 'You won't lose me to Snoke. I won't give in to him.'  
Kylo's warm, familiar scent bring back memories of our time together on Yavin_4. I let him see those memories through my eyes. Him comforting me as I cry, leaving food for me for breakfast, cleaning the mud off BB-8. That's you... There is still light in you. I set my palm on his cheek and he flinches.

Then I see more... He's not just scared for my safety, but he's also terrified of my touch. His eyes flash as a memory passes between us, the kiss, in our dream together, a thought he's been blocking from his mind until this very moment. But my touch in real life is different to him, more dangerous. The emotions scare him.  
I move closer.  
"Rey... wait," Kylo whispers. "Don't..."

I pull him closer and rest my forehead against his. He's right, it is very different in real life, this closeness. His hands grasp my arms tight on either side of me, but he doesn't move away.  
"Don't make me feel this way," he whispers.

I set my palms against his chest and feel his heart race. Then I close my eyes and focus on his mind. His whole life has been dedicated to his internal battle between Light and Dark. And in all that time he's never been in love. 

Kylo tries to pull his thoughts away from me but I'm locked in now. He's never been close in this way to anyone before, never shared a real kiss. The thought of it scares him more than anything ever could.

'Rey, don't.' His grip on my arms tightens and his breath becomes unsteady. I slide my cheek against his, my heart racing too, then touch my lips to his cheek and move down, towards his lips.

'Rey... wait....'  
I move closer and our lips brush. Kylo's breath catches. He lets go of my arms and slides his hands to my neck, then my cheeks, his fingers trembling.  
"I can't..." he whispers against my lips.

I press our lips together and a desire ignites inside of him, like a tidal wave washing over me, crushing me, making my muscles go weak. He grabs my hair, pushing his lips harder to mine and forcing my mouth open. Our tongues touch. His ache is unbearable and he lets me feel it.

The lights overhead flicker, then pop, sparking like fireworks all around us. Our tongues circle and Kylo pushes harder, his body pressing into mine.  
Glass rains down on us and Kylo breaks our kiss to cover me with his arm, pulling me into his chest as glass shatters all around us. It's the most magical sound I have ever heard.


	43. The Storm - Part 2: The End of the Rey of Light

"I think I've given you enough time for your goodbyes."  
It's Snoke, his voice crawling through the dark towards us.

Kylo pulls away from me and stands. I get up too, squinting into the darkness. A loud zap makes me jump and a red glow fills the corridor. Snoke's hooded, hunched over figure comes to light, his wrinkled face menacing beneath the red glow of Kylo's light saber.

"Finn..." I whisper. He was the last one holding that light saber.  
"Rey? Finn?" It's Poe in my earpiece. "The battleship's gone dark, lost power. What's going on in there?"

I clench my teeth but don't respond. Kylo shifts his weight on his feet. I keep my eyes on Snoke. He can't read my thoughts. I don't know why, but he can't.  
"I'm coming in!" Poe says and I tense."Should I leave BB-8?"

I reach up to my earpiece. Snoke's eyes turn to me and I lower my hand.  
"Supreme Leader," Kylo says. "FN2187 and the pilot are here."  
"Bring them to me," Snoke scowls. "And the droid as well." 

The sound of Kylo's boots crunching over glass as he walks away pierces my heart.  
'Kylo...' I try to reach for him, but he's gone.

I click on my earpiece. "Abort. Poe, Finn, leave the battleship at once. Take BB-8."  
"Reinforcements are on their way," Poe says into the earpiece. "I repeat, the Resistance is coming-"

Poe's words are interrupted by another transmission.  
"Rey?"  
"Finn!" He's alive!

My earpiece rips away from my ear and flies to Snoke's hand. He drops it and steps on it. My stomach clenches at the sound of it crunch.  
A few of the lights overhead, that didn't erupt, now turn on, giving the hallway an eerie flickering glow.  
"There we are," Snoke says, retracting the red light saber. He holds the handle out to me. "I believe this belongs to you now."  
I step back.  
"Go on." Snoke grins. "Take it. That's what you came here for is it not? To kill me with this light saber?"

I move forward, testing him. But he doesn't try and stop me in any way. What's his intention? What game is he playing?  
An angry yell echoes down the hall. It's Poe. His cry is immediately silenced by a choking sound. I turn but my body freezes in place.  
"Stay here, child. They'll come to us. Be patient."

I swallow hard. Then the sound of BB-8's motorized ball zipping along over shattered glass grips at my heart.  
"No..."  
"Come here, child, let me have a look at you," Snoke beckons me.

I walk to him, my legs wobbly and unsure. His presence is like the stench of death, yet I'm unable to stop my feet from advancing forward until I'm standing right in front of him.  
"So naïve," he says slowly, watching me with his small, cold eyes. "So palpable, so full of emotion."  
I shudder. His mouth is like an open grave, like the tombs of Ahch-To.

I say nothing, turning my head away. He might be able to control my physical body, but he can't control my mind.  
"You're friends are coming," Snoke says.  
My head turns back to him, against my will. His hand is raised to me, making me move.  
"You should have come alone. Now they will all die, because of you."  
"You said it's me you wanted," I finally speak. "So let them go. You've got me."  
"Not yet I haven't. But I will. I have foreseen it." He hands me the light saber but I don't take it.  
"Take it," he moves it closer. My hands begin to shake.  
"No."

Snoke tilts his head to the side, studying me. I resist the urge to spit on him. BB-8 beeps behind me.  
"Let them go," I say between clenched teeth. "And I'll take the light saber, like you want." I have no intention of taking it, but Snoke doesn't know that. He isn't in my head.  
"You think it's me who's going to harm them?" Snoke shakes his head slowly. "It's not me, but you."  
"Shut up!" I yell.

Snoke grins then releases me from his Force hold. I slump back, almost losing my balance, my boot crunching glass. I turn to see Poe glaring at Snoke with an angry expression on his face. Finn simply looks terrified.  
"BB-8!" I run back to them but BB-8 suddenly zooms past me, letting out a high beep on the way, her gears grinding as she tries to resist being dragged forward through all the glass pieces towards Snoke who has his hand outstretched.

"No!" Finn and I yell at the same time. My hand goes up and the light saber in Snoke's hand vibrates. Kylo grabs my arm but Snoke throws him back with a wave of his hand.  
Suddenly the ship trembles with a jolt and a muffled boom rattles the walls.  
"It's the Resistance," Poe says. "You won't win Snoke."  
Snoke throws back his head and laughs.

"Supreme Leader, a ground crew has landed-" Kylo begins to say.  
"I know, I know," Snoke gives a dismissive wave. "Let them come."  
Kylo clenches his fists. I don't try to make a connection with him. Snoke's got him locked but I'm still my own person. Why hasn't Snoke tried anything to enslave me? His assuredness is more frightening than an old fashion fight would have been. What's he waiting for? I get the feeling Kylo is as oblivious to Snoke's plans as I am.  
I glance over at him. His expression is stoic as usual.

Another jolt and the ship shakes again. I lose my balance and almost fall into the glass. Kylo grabs my other arm to stop me from falling.  
"No!" Poe cries out, reaching to his earpiece. "General, cancel the order to shoot! Do not hit target. Do not destroy the droid-"

Suddenly the hall is raided by Resistance fighters. The first shot is at Kylo. He blocks it, and I redirect it into the wall.  
Resistance fighters shoot in Snoke's direction, only they aren't shooting at Snoke, they're shooting at BB-8.

"No!" I yell. Her little metal body bursts into flames. Yet they keep shooting.

My hand goes out and the red light saber flies into it, lighting up the second my fingers clasp around it. I slash down on the Resistance fighter behind me who is shooting at BB-8. He goes down. Then I swing at the other Resistance fighter. There are more shots fired, but now I am invincible.   
The sword is powerful, cutting through everything in my way, even the walls. I fight.   
They killed BB-8, and now I will kill all of them.


	44. The Storm - Part 3: Vanished

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, you'll never be alone,  
> When darkness comes, I'll light the night with stars,  
> Here my whispers in the dark
> 
> -Whispers in the Dark, by Skillet

"Nooo!" Finn yells. He's holding someone in his arms, dressed in a pilot's uniform, like many of the others I've just killed with the red sword. This pilot's hair is like Poe's, but his face is covered in blood so I can't see what he looks like.  
"Poe?" I say.

It is silent all around me. I blink. There are dead bodies lying everywhere and no one is left, except for Finn, and Kylo who is standing in the shadows. And Snoke.  
'You're all powerful now' Snoke's voice enters my mind. I turn to him.  
'Yes, I am. And I'm going to kill you.'  
Snoke smiles.  
'If you kill me, then Kylo dies too.'  
I freeze. No, that's not possible. I look at Kylo.

It's true. I sense it, from both of them. If I kill Snoke then Kylo will die...  
'Why didn't you tell me?' I look through him. I can't look at him. We would have never killed Snoke together, even if Kylo had been free from Snoke's influence and we fought side by side, like we first planned.

I close my eyes, not wanting to see the hunched over figure of Finn on the floor, with Poe at his knees. Poe's words come back to me suddenly 'I don't want anyone to miss me.'   
What have I become?  
I retract the light saber, then turn the handle towards my chest.  
"You still won't win," I say to Snoke.

"Rey!" Don't... It's Kylo  
'Yes...' Snoke's voice hisses in my mind.  
Too many voices in my head. 

I grip the light saber with both hands.  
I've killed Poe. BB-8 is gone. And I'm no longer Rey from Jakku, but a slave of the Dark Side and of my anger.  
My hand shakes. 

'Master Dukath' I call out in one last plea, before I end this. 'Help me. I've lost myself, you were right, I gave in to my emotions and have become a monster...'  
Then I close my eyes and the voice that speaks in my heart is gentle but strong.

'Your death will only fuel the sword,' the words come to me. 'And it will be the final piece to make it all-powerful, united with the other Sith Lords that died by its crystal edge. You are the final piece. This was Snoke's plan all along. To wield the sword of infinite darkness, all-powerful with so much anger, pain and hate.

'You've made your choice and now you must go.  
There is a place, of which you know.   
A place which you've been to not long ago.

'You've heard the voices, heard their cries,   
the children of the Dark and Light.  
In the shadows they hide, side by side  
At the place where good and evil  
together can abide.

'The tombs of the great ones, still kept alive,   
yet not living, but kept safely inside.  
There they rest, until the time is right,  
There you will harm no one.   
Take the sword and take flight. 

'Take the power of the dead Sith Lords in its light,   
with you to the tombs of eternal night.   
There it will be protected, hidden from sight   
by the power of the Force of light,

'even if any should enter into the catacombs,   
you they will never find  
nor the sword of the Sith Lord Knights.  
Snoke will fall, by Kylo's will  
once you are gone and have become still.'

I'm back in the hallway. I see Kylo's face in the shadows, no longer expressionless, but the essence of worry and pain. There will be no goodbyes.  
"You will not remember how I left, nor follow me," I say, using my Force manipulation.  
Then,   
I am gone.


	45. Kylo's Story - Part 1

The memory chip I removed from the BB-Unit cuts into my hand as I grasp it tight. My only connection to her...Memories stored through BB-8's short limited life.  
I never imagined she'd disappear, like this. Truly disappear.

'Where are you Rey?' My chest feels hollow as I look up at the stars. 'Why can't I sense you?'  
I traveled the Galaxy... but didn't find her. She's hidden from me, from Snoke, from everything and everyone, by some power I can't understand. Yet I know she's not dead. There would be a disturbance in the Force unlike any other if she were... one that I wouldn't survive. I have to believe she's still out there, somewhere, alive. Yet somehow she's gone... completely gone...

Cold, always cold, and now numb. I've been here before, lying on my back in snow, the wet ground seeping into me, when looking up at a different kind of star that first time I fell, Rey's face, lit with the blue light saber, on Starkiller Base. I didn't know her name, when she won our fight, when I lay defeated before her, defeated with my own light saber, the one that had belonged to my uncle Luke, which he gave me and then was stolen, taken. It lay in the snow and I called to it, but it flew to her hand instead. She was powerful, her face glowing in its light.

That was the moment I began to lose my heart to her, but didn't know it yet. That was the day I wanted her to be mine. She was like me, powerful with the Force. So unexpected that my world was shaken. I'd never imagined someone like her existed in all of space and time. I'd been so arrogant to think I was the most powerful, that I was the only one. I felt it in the interrogation chamber, before even she knew the power she had hidden inside. But I didn't know it was coming from her just a strong Force, a call to the light. How could I have ever guessed? I didn't even realize...  
Like a gift from the Force of the Universe she appeared.

'I can show you the ways of the Force,' I'd said to her. And for a second I dared to believe she was considering it, considering being my apprentice. Although I knew she would surpass my strength and training in no time. My heart stopped at that moment. Could I ever truly catch her, a star shooting across the midnight sky? Or would she slip through my fingers?

I would be her teacher. I could have it no other way. I never had anyone to share this part of my life, the part that consumes me night and day, drives me and imprisons me. I was desperate to find my uncle, who was missing, I believed we were the only ones left. Then she appeared, from a planet of no importance, in a random star system, her light hidden under the Jakku sun, then shining suddenly in the dark snowy forests of Starkiller Base. How had I gone so long without discovering her?

The stars gleam in the crisp night above Yavin_4. The same ones that shone above us when I had her in my grasp. Like a forest deer she was fragile yet unimaginably strong, striking hard at me as I trained her, when in fact she was the one teaching me. We lit up the night with electricity, with flashes of light in the sky. A moment I knew could not last forever, yet I wanted it to, so badly that perhaps I did freeze time, for we jumped up but didn't fall back down, suspended in each other, we spun, my heart bursting, her joy like nothing I'd ever known, my hand on her waist, her arms thrown out wide to the sky and the stars, she was so full of life. The Galaxy came alive for me and for the first time I woke from the nightmare that had been my life.

She let me into her heart, let me touch her waist, her hair... unafraid of the monster I was. I, on the other hand, had never been so afraid in my life, of the fire that burned within me. Surely she'd flee at any moment, and run, like everyone else that I thought I could befriend, back when I was a child, when those things mattered, before I finally gave in to the reality that I was different, too different to ever truly be a friend, or a lover or anyone but Kylo Ren.   
And then, a little Rey of sunshine shone right into the darkness within...

I had no doubt in my mind that she had more of me than Snoke ever would. No doubt that we could kill him together and be free, finally. I had hopes that I shouldn't have entertained. I didn't know then, that I'd die if Snoke did. And when I found out... he already had me trapped with something even worse than losing Rey, something even worse than possibly her death would befall her if I failed... that her light be snuffed out by the Dark Side, destroying her very essence, destroying her like I'd been destroyed, only far worse, for she cared about those she hurt. I couldn't bear the thought. And yet somehow I still lost...

'I'm so sorry Rey. I failed... Help me find you, so I can bring you here and I won't be afraid this time... I won't let fear stop me from loving you.'


	46. Kylo's Story - Part 2

“Rey wouldn’t be happy if you died of hypothermia.”  
I sit up and look to where the voice is coming from. It’s FN2187, standing a few yards away.

I get up fast, reaching for my light saber but then remember that it’s gone. I grab FN2187 with the Force instead and he drops to his knees. His eyes go wide and I ease off a little to let him talk.

"What are you doing here?" I ask him.   
“I came because I knew if Rey ever comes back, she’ll come to you first,” he says with some effort. I let him go and he coughs.  
“Who came with you?”  
“Just me.” He gets up, brushing the snow off his knees. He’s wearing the Resistance Pilot’s jacket, the pilot whom he helped escape from the First Order. It makes me think of when I first saw him wearing it and not his Stormtrooper’s uniform. He was at Rey’s side, trying to be some kind of hero.

“I should have killed you when you first betrayed me, Finn,” I snarl.  
Finn looks frightened, always the coward. Then his expression changes.  
“If I hadn’t left, then you would have never met Rey.”

I Force choke him again. I’ve been wanting to do this for a while. But first I’ll search his mind. He resists but I push past his resistance with hardly any effort. Fear is always the first emotion I see when I do this. I go further, into his memories.

“I see you already know you’re a coward,” I say, wanting him to know what I see when I read all his pathetic thoughts. “You turned your back on Rey, at Maz Kanata’s castle.” I glare at him. “You lied to her about being with the Resistance, so she’d see you as a hero. Then you took the first way out you could find.” I frown at the sudden vision of Rey’s hurt expression that I see in Finn’s memories.  
Finn resists more, which I take as a challenge. He must be hiding something. I find it quickly. He’s hiding his shame, of deciding to run and leave Rey behind to take BB-8 to the Resistance Base. And he’s hiding the location of the Resistance Base, but I don’t try to get it out of him. I don’t care where their base is.

Suddenly I see myself in his thoughts, when he saw me holding Rey limp in my arms as I carried her onto my ship, my cape flapping behind me . His hate for me was as strong as his concern for her as she was taken away, but not as strong as his shame for being a coward and allowing her to be captured. He blames himself. She ran into the forest because of his betrayal of her trust, or at least he thinks that's why she ran off and got captured, because he’d abandoned her. 

Another image seared in his mind that comes to the surface, without me even searching for it, is Rey opening a door and looking at him with her face full of tears, full of pain, then replaced by hope as he tells her to go after me. He loved her enough to let her love someone else. And yet he lost her again. I watch as she swings the red light saber at Poe, Finn's only true friend, a vision he sees in his nightmares when he dares to sleep. He lost them both that day.  
I pull my hand away and Finn falls to the ground.

I shouldn’t have looked. I shouldn’t have seen. Disgust washes over me. I'd always go straight for the information I need whenever I'd enter someone’s mind, not… like this. And yet I did the same thing with Rey when I first had her in my interrogation chamber, because she fascinated me, her bravery, her loneliness and pain so much like my own. I wanted to see...

I turn my back to Finn, taking slow breaths. I don’t want to know about his love for Rey. It only makes me hate him more.  
“How did you get away from Snoke’s influence?” he asks.  
I don’t want to talk to him, but I find myself answering anyway. “He wants me to find the sword.”  
“So that when you find Rey you can take her to him all over again?”

I swing around and throw Finn against the nearest tree. He cries out.  
“You shouldn’t have followed me here,” I say, dragging him forward through the snow to land on his knees at my feet. He grasps at his throat as though trying to unlatch my invisible hold on his neck. He’s afraid I’ll kill him. I don’t need to read his mind to know that, I can see it in his eyes. I should kill him, for being a traitor, for standing at Rey’s side like he had some kind of right to be there, after turning his back on her.

I raise him up high and throw him again, this time he hits a large tree branch with the back of his head and falls into the snow. I reach for my light saber to finish him off. But the only thing in my hand is BB-8’s memory chip. I’d forgotten I was still holding it. Rey loved BB-8, and she also loved Finn as her friend.

I walk over to him. He’s curled onto his side, unconscious, red blood on the snow beside him. My shoulders drop. I was wrong. He’s not the coward. I am.


	47. Kylo's Story - Part 3: Rathtar Food

I check for a heartbeat then sigh in relief when I find one. I've never wanted someone I despised so much not actually to be dead. But if he dies because of me Rey will never forgive me.

I look at Finn in the snow. Seeing him unconscious brings back a memory I hoped to forever forget, the first time someone died because of me, my best friend in grade school. After that I was sent away to train with Luke, far from anyone that I could possibly harm.

I clench my fist then ram it into a tree. Bark goes flying and the pain shoots through my knuckles into my arm, making my elbow ache.  
I'm my own worst enemy, not Snoke, not the Resistance or the whole damn Galaxy, just... me.

Finn coughs then turns onto his back. There's blood in his mouth. 'I'm sorry Rey'  
I go to him and use the Force to stand him up onto his feet.

"Follow me," I say, then start walking. Finn stumbles after me, having no other choice but to do as I command.

* * *

I need a crew and a medic. And an army, a fleet, servants, officers... I'm the strongest Sith Lord in the Galaxy, and I'm helping a Stormtrooper with his wounds.  
I grind my teeth as I tighten Finn's bandages.

"Ouch!" he cries out.  
His outburst surprises me. Why is he so damn fragile?  
"I'm only human you know," he says to me, as though answering my thought.

"So am I," I reply. My words seem to surprise him, like he'd never thought of that before. I quickly finish securing the bandage then step away. I hate helping him. Maybe because I know he's the better man, despite his weak fragile body. Rey would be better off with him in the end. I'm the one who ordered him to shoot the innocent villagers on his first mission. He's the one who didn't shoot.

I leave the small medic area of my ship and head for the bridge. It's time to get off Yavin_4 and get back to looking for Rey. I'll interrogate Finn later, when he's got a little more strength. Maybe he has some information that might help me find her. Maybe the Resistance has a lead and he can tell me how far they've gotten in their own search.  
I stop at the entrance to the bridge. Why is it that no matter how hard I try, I always fail?

An image enters my mind. Finn's memory of me carrying Rey in my arms. It wasn't just a memory, but a constant thought in his mind. To him it was the moment he'd failed, and I'd been victorious. This is the one thing I somehow didn't fail, Rey choosing to love me despite everything.

I head back to the medic room. I need to give the spineless wimp some water before he dies of stupidity. He lost a lot of blood and he'll need to replenish it if I plan to keep him alive long enough for Rey to see that I didn't kill him, again, when I should have many times.

Finn isn't in the medic room when I get there. I go to the nearest console to search for life-signs on board. He's in the mess hall. Maybe he's not as stupid as I thought.  
The ship is small, much larger than a TIE Fighter but it's definitely no battleship with all the amenities. 

I see Finn sitting in the mess hall before he sees me. He's slouched over, resting his elbows on the table, eating something, or trying to at least. There's a look of distaste on his face as he chews. He coughs, mid chew, then grimaces in pain, holding his side. I frown then walk over.

"That's Rathtar food," I say. Finn jumps at the sound of my voice, then cringes in pain again. It takes a second for my words to register in his Stormtrooper brain. Then he spits the food out across the table. I stifle a grin.

"Are you kidding me?" he says. "Why do you have Rathtar food on board?"  
"I'll get you something else," I say. I don't like being on talking terms with one of my previous subordinates but he's just too pathetically helpless to be left on his own. I walk over to the food synthesizer and push the soup and bread button. A list of options comes up, but I'm not about to ask the Traitor what he wants, so I pick a tomato based broth.

"I've never seen one of those before," Finn says behind me, again trying to talk to me like we're equals. It grates on my nerves. I don't bother answering him. If he'd been anyone of importance he would have seen a food synthesizer, which are reserved for the General's quarters and important areas of the battleship.  
"All I ever got was stew," Finn continues.  
"There's water too, in the food synthesizer," I say, wanting this conversation to end. Finn nods.   
I pass by his table and pick up the package of brown energy biscuits that Finn was trying to eat. I grab one to take with me to the bridge.  
"I thought that was Rathtar food," Finn says.

I take a bite then turn to walk away, before he can see the grin on my face.


	48. Kylo's Story - Part 4

"You can't just stick the memory drive into the ship's system," Finn says, coming out of nowhere. I liked it better when he wore a Stormtrooper's uniform, which clicked and was noisy when he walked and I could hear him coming from a mile away. I continue hooking up the memory drive to the ship's main computer on the bridge, ignoring Finn.  
"It's a BB-Unit," Finn continues, taking a seat in the co-pilot's chair beside me. I give him a look that silences him. But likely not for long.

When I finally have the memory card connected I go through the information that comes up on the screen. It's all in code.  
"It needs to be installed into a BB-Unit," Finn starts up again. "Then she can talk to us and-"  
"I don't need her to talk." I scroll through the data some more. There must be some program in the ship's computer data base that could decode it.  
"It's encrypted," Finn says, his voice grating on my nerves.  
"Why?" I ask.  
"Because there's sensitive..." He trails off and doesn't finish his sentence. I glance over at him to see what's happened, but all I can decipher from the look on his face is that his brain just stopped working for no reason. I look back at the code. He's right, it's encrypted and I can't seem to make sense of it.

"We can take it back to the Resistance Base and..." He trails off again. I slam my fist down on the console, making him jump. I'm just barely holding myself back from choke grabbing him and just reading his mind so we can get through this conversation a lot faster.

He looks scared so I relax back into my seat, rubbing at my eyes. I have no other leads in finding Rey. I'd hoped the memory card would help. Maybe I could take it back to the First Order Base and have them analyze it, but then Snoke would have it and I'm quite sure there's information on it that the Resistance doesn't want Snoke to see. I sigh. When did I start caring about the Resistance?

"You'll take the X-Wing to the Resistance Base and get them to put this card into a new BB-Unit, then bring it back to me," I say to Finn.  
He gets up immediately, then stops. "The X-Wing I came in on only had enough power for a one way trip here," he says.  
What was this for him, a suicide mission? I hold back another sigh. "Then we'll use my ship's charge to re-charge it-"  
"And," Finn interrupts. "I sort of wrecked the wings in a crash landing into the trees."

I close my eyes for a second. "Then you'll tell me the location of the Resistance Base."  
"What?" Finn looks frightened again. "No, I can't-"  
"You'll tell me the location of your Resistance Base," I repeat, a little slower this time, because he's got the intelligence of a Stormtrooper and because I didn't use my Force influence the first time.  
"It's on Ahch-To," Finn says.

Interesting. I search the ship's computer for information on the planet. Nothing comes up. I could be spelling it wrong or Finn's pronunciation could be off, which is more likely. I get up to give him the pilot's seat.  
"Then take us there."

* * *

"I just don't think it's fair that you can read my mind, but I can't read yours," Finn says. It's the third time he's attempted to start a conversation, a different topic each time. I cross my arms and sit back in the co-pilot's seat. We're in warp drive and should reach Ahch-To soon. But not soon enough. "Exactly how we're going to fly an First Order Upsilon-class Command Shuttle right onto the Resistance Base without being blown out of the sky?" Finn asks.

"Prepare the shields," I say to Finn as we drop out of warp speed.  
"Why?... Oh." Finn looks down at the control console. I wait.  
"There," I point.   
Still, he can't figure it out. I Force lift him out of his chair so we can trade places.

"Hey!" he cries out. I exchange places with him and then slow the ship down before it ends up flying straight into Ahch-To at full speed.   
"You could have just asked," Finn mumbles, shifting in his seat. He's wearing that jacket again, the one I hate, and it's covering up his bandages around his ribs, which made me forget momentarily that he's still hurt.

"Turn on the cloaking shields..." I begin to say, then decide to do it myself. I start to get up.  
"No, wait. I can do it." Finn holds out his hand towards me. He turns on the cloaking shields and I look out at the planet in front of us. Now that I can see it more clearly I notice that it's covered in water... entirely covered in water. Did Finn lie to me? Is this the wrong place?  
"We should send a message to the General to let her know who we are, before they discover we're here," Finn says.

My throat catches. The General... my mother. How could I have forgotten that she was the General of the Resistance now? I slow the ship to a halt and set a new course.  
"Where are we going?" Finn asks.  
"Somewhere else."  
"But what about BB-8?"  
"We can find Rey some other way-" Did I just say we? No. That's not going to happen. Maybe there's a way I can drop off the Stormtrooper and keep on going without him. Or better yet, I should take him to the First Order and have him pay for treason.

"This is Base Control, please identify yourself." A voice comes over the comm unit. Either the Resistance's sensors have become more advanced, or my cloaking shields are outdated. Finn reaches in front of me to press the comm button, like the true insubordinate that he is. I get up out of the chair, with him now being too close for comfort.  
"General? This is Finn. Don't fire, I'm with-"  
I yank his hand off the comm button.

"Finn?" My mother's voice comes over the speakers. It's strange to hear her, after so long. She wasn't a General when I left, but I'd heard she'd become one while I was away.  
"Why is your ship cloaked?" she continues. "What ship are you flying?"

"It's..." Finn looks over at me. He releases the comm button. "Do you want to explain this to her?" he asks me. I glare at him. He turns back to the comm system. "Um... requesting permission to land a... First Order Command Shuttle."  
"Pardon?"  
"The um... Requesting permission to land an Upsilon-Class Command Shut-"  
"Are you piloting this First Order Command Shuttle, Finn?"

Finn glances over at me again.  
"Yes Ma'am," he says.  
"Are you under duress?"  
"No Ma'am."  
"Finn." I can hear her exasperated sigh over the speakers. "How did you get a First order Upsilon-Class Command Shuttle?"

Finn clears his throat. "I've got BB-8's memory card. We're..." he moves away from me as far as he can while still holding the comm button then quickly adds, "Kylo Ren is with me."  
"Ben?"

I frown. This whole thing was a very bad idea. I can't do this.  
"You alright?" Finn whispers to me.

When I don't respond he pushes the comm button again. "I'm not under duress General. Your son wants to find Rey as much as we do and we think the memory card might help us do that. But we haven't been able to decode it."  
There is a moment of silence.

"Permission to land granted. But not on Base territory. We'll send a shuttle to you once you've landed on an island at the other side of the planet. I'm sending you the coordinates now of where to land Command Shuttle."  
"Yes Ma'am."  
"Finn, can I please talk to Ben?"

Finn turns to me and I step back.  
"Um... we're low on power, General," Finn says. "Comm systems are shutting down. I can't hear you any more General... I can't-" Finn turns off the communication.  
I rub my face with my hands. "Turn off the cloaking shields," I say to Finn. We'd lose power to the cloaking shields way before the comm unit would quit, or anything else for that matter, other than life-support.

Finn's hands hover over the controls. He's turned stupid again. I reach across and turn off the cloaking shields myself.   
"You're not going to kill your mother too are you?" Finn asks me before I put him into a temporary sleep to shut him up.


	49. Kylo's Story - Part 5

I stand on a cliff's edge, looking out across the endless expanse of ocean all around, water in every direction. The wind blows, cold and unforgiving. Ocean waves rise into the air, wild and free. I couldn't wait inside my empty ship any longer. Finn has the memory card now. I didn't want anyone else to have it, but I handed it over to him anyway.

Now it's been a long time since the shuttle craft picked Finn up to take him to the Base, somewhere on the other side of the planet. Yet time doesn't seem to want to move here. The sunset persists, no matter how long I wait, out in the bitter cold.  
My mother's on this planet.  
I killed her husband, my father.

When we landed I dreaded the thought of seeing her again. But I never imagined I would dread the thought of not seeing her.   
She hasn't come. No planes or shuttle pods or communications have come for some time. I'm on the outside once again, separated from the rest.  
She's smarter than my father was. I tried to tell my father that Ben was dead, that that part of me no longer existed and I'd destroyed it completely when I killed all the Jedi. I am Kylo Ren now. I tried to tell him and he didn't listen. But my mother knows it's true. That's why she isn't coming to see me or asking me to go see her.

I look down at the raging waters below. The waves slap against the rock cliff edge, splashing, foaming. I taste the ocean on my lips.  
I've seen this ocean before. No, it wasn't me, but Rey. She imagined this place when trying to fall asleep on those lonely nights back on Jakku. Does she sleep now? Or is she still keeping herself awake at night?

I close my eyes. Everything has slipped through my fingers. I had a clear mission, for a long time now, to finish what my grandfather started. It drove me, fueled me. It was what I worked towards. But now that mission is not so clear.

My grandfather was the greatest man to ever exist, the chosen one, according to Qui-Gon Jinn, Obi-Won Kenobi's Master. He was the one they believed would bring balance to the Force. My uncle believed I was the next chosen one, who would finish what my grandfather wanted to accomplish, before his mind became overrun by the Dark Side, to restore balance to the Galaxy. But there will never be balance as long as Snoke still exists.

I look over my shoulder to my shuttle. How long should I wait here?  
Despair threatens to break through, gripping my chest. I'll never find Rey. The Resistance won't either. Nor Snoke. Nor anyone, until she's willing to be found.  
I told her that it would be better she die than fall to the Dark Side. I was wrong. She could have never become unredeemable like me. But she believed me, just like I believed Snoke, that once I gave over to the Dark Side there would be no turning back. And it's because she believed this, that she disappeared. Yet just the fact that she disappeared in order to save the Galaxy from herself, and from the red sword, proves that her heart is not dark, and never will be. Even in her darkest moment she still chose to do the right thing. I could have done the same. I can still now...

Finn will take care of her heart when I'm gone. If Snoke is destroyed then she can come out of hiding. And the sword will die with him. He's the only reason the spirits of the dead Sith Lords can remain contained in the sword. My grandfather never succeeded in destroying Emperor Palpatine like he thought he did. Emperor Palpatine lives on, in Snoke.

A large gust of wind blows up from the water below, chilling me through with cold. Rey's words enter my mind. 'You're afraid you'll never be as strong as Darth Vader.'  
I wasn't even fully aware of that fear inside of me until she spoke those words out loud, bringing it up from the deepest recesses of my soul. She was right. I never was as strong as Darth Vader. And I never will be.

A massive bird glides on the wind above me. It's wing span larger than I am. Its cry breaks through the fog and pierces my soul.  
'Rey...'  
I look up at the darkening sky above. A few stars shine through.

'Where are you Uncle Luke?'

'Where are you Rey?'

My eyes burn with unshed tears. If I start crying now I'll drown in them. If I let go now, I'll lose myself in the despair forever. Maybe it is time to let go...  
The bird cries out again, circling high above me. I throw out my arms on either side of me, letting the nonstop wind slice through me with its ice cold breeze.  
'They're not coming,' a voice inside of me says. 'Your mother isn't coming. She's already lost her son. No one is coming, nor will they ever come. Not them, not Rey. She left you, to never return again.'

They're Snoke's words. I'd thought I was free of him. He's said nothing since Rey's disappearance. But I will never be free of him I realize now.  
Fear creeps into my heart, growing quickly, closing in on me.  
I'll never be free.  
Even for Rey.  
Even for all the love she gave me and for all of my desperation to love her in return.  
This will never end.

'Grandfather. I know what I must do. Help me come to you, and complete what you started. If I come to you, Snoke will die too. Then balance will be restored once again to the Galaxy.'

With the cries of the large bird above me, ringing in my ears, I step over the edge of the cliff and jump.


	50. Kylo's Story - Part 6: The Reawakening Of Ben

The ice cold water freezes my very bones, its saltiness burns my eyes, like an ocean full of the tears of every person I've ever harmed or killed. How fitting that I am now drowning in this salty ocean. My boots weigh down heavy, pulling me into the dark abyss below, away from the light above that glistens near the top layers of the water.

The waves push me to and fro, but I sink down further. My lungs burn. I need air. The desperation hits fast. I struggle to swim up, but my muscles are cramped with the cold and my cloak is too heavy, dragging me down. My chest aches for air. I'll die and Snoke will finally die too. Then Rey will be free.

I'm weightless, sinking... the light from above grows dim, until I can no longer see it. I don't have the strength to swim up to it now, I can only sink into the endless darkness below. I was foolish to think I ever had the strength to accomplish the impossible in the first place.

'You don't have the strength alone Ben. Let the Force, and all connected with it, help you. You'll have the strength together.'

'Where is Rey...?' I plead, but dizziness is setting in and my body goes limp.

'Where she is, you must take Snoke also,  
to the place where good and evil, together can abide  
Where the voices of the children of the dark and light  
cry out from the tombs of their masters' eternal night'

My thoughts begin to fade, my chest bursting with the need for air. I gulp water.

'Ben has always been strong inside of you, strong with pain and hurt. For only your child self can access the power of the Force, so Ben is alive, my son is still alive.'

It's my father's voice.

'Snoke has no power but lies. Believe in the Freedom of the Force Ben, and you'll be free.'

Something bumps the bottom of my feet and glides upwards beneath me, pressing into my back. It moves up, pushing me towards the surface, the weight of the water crushing against my chest as I move fast through the water.

I break through the surface, into the light, tossed high into the air, above the ocean. I cough out water, gasping for air. I see the ocean below me. A gigantic sea creature lowers down, disappearing into the water.

Something sharp cuts into my shoulders, stopping me from my fall. I cry out in pain. A cold gust of air rushes down over me. I look up. It's the large bird, clasping its talons into my shoulders and flapping its large wings downward. It struggles with some effort to carry me. I cough, each spasm causing the talons to dig in tighter. My wet clothes are a coat of ice. I see the sunrise on the horizon for a brief moment, then everything goes dark.

* * *

"Should I go get the medic again?"  
I hear Finn's voice coming into my consciousness. My eyes are closed, my eyelids heavy as I wake slowly. I'm hot and sweaty, weighed down so I can't move.  
"No, he's already done everything he can." It's my mother's voice this time. "If you want to do something, go get more wood for the fire."  
"Yes Ma'am."

Finn's footsteps retreat then, a sigh, from my mom. A cool hand rests on my forehead, a welcome relief from all the heat. I open my eyes.  
"Ben?" My mother is staring down at me with a worried expression on her face. She looks older now, but her eyes are still the same.  
"Mom?" My throat is dry and my voice cracks.  
Mom smiles at me and her eyes fill with tears. "You gave me a bit of a scare. I thought I'd lost you too."

My chest tightens. I want to tell her I'm sorry for what I did, for killing dad, but I can't seem to speak. She sniffles and gently moves my hair away from my forehead.  
"We found you at the temple." She swallows, blinking back more tears, then continues. "Finn found you. You would have died of hypothermia if he hadn't."  
Finn walks in with an armful of wood. "You did it because I told you not to get hypothermia, didn't you?" He says. "You know if anything happens to you Rey will never forgive me."  
"Why do you think you're still alive?" I say, but Finn doesn't seem to get it.

I try to move the blankets off of me but they're too heavy and my arms are weak.  
"We'll help you get up," my mom says. I'm about to object when my father's words come to me,  
You don't have the strength alone Ben.

I nod to my mom and she helps me remove the blankets. Finn drops the firewood and hurries over to help me sit up. It takes every ounce of my self-control to let him touch my back and push me into sitting position. I look down and breathe a sigh of relief. I'm still in my clothes.

"I've had some dry clothes brought in," my mom says, pointing to a pile of sand coloured fabric on a nearby table. "We'll let you get dressed."  
She gets up from the side of my bed and turns to leave.  
"Mom?" I say.  
"Yes?"  
"I'm sorry."  
"I'm sorry too," she gives me a sad smile. "And I forgive you... Kylo."  
"It's Ben," I say. Mom looks surprised, then nods, turning away just as the tears fall down her cheeks. Finn puts his arm around her to guide her out of the room. He glances back at me, his expression curious, then they leave.

* * *

I look down at the sandy colour of the tunic I'm now wearing, so much like Uncle Luke's tunics when he was training me. The colour makes me feel exposed, like it's going to draw attention to me. I'm still using my black belt and boots, so I'll probably stand out even more. 

I lift the heavy hood over my head. I want to get out of this room, and I'm hungry. Maybe the hood will keep people from staring or noticing me.  
With food on my mind I notice a plate that has only one thing on it, a dark brown dessert square, likely chocolate. I reach for it. A beep startles me and I look over to the entrance.

"That's Rey's!" BB-8 says.  
I put the chocolate square back down.  
"When she comes back she will want to eat it." BB-8 rolls up to me, but keeps a little distance.

I crouch down to her level. "Nice colours." I pat her on the side of the head. Her new BB-Unit body has blue reflector stripes mixed in with the classic orange ones, giving her a sporty look. She's shiny and new.

She rolls back then does a little spin to show off her new look. I smile.  
"You're going to help me find Rey, right?" I say to her.  
She stops spinning and tilts her head to the side. "How?"  
"We'll work together."


	51. Kylo's Story - Part 7: Where She is

"Where she is, you must take Snoke also..." Mom has a distant look in her eyes as she repeats what I told her that dad told me. We're in the dining area and it's empty except for Mom, Finn and me. It's still too early in the morning for the others to be awake, if there actually is a day or night on this planet.

Finn shoves another spoonful of stew into his mouth. He's listening but not joining in the conversation, for once. BB-8 is by my side on the floor. She hasn't left my side for a second since I woke. I manage to keep some tomato based soup down but don't have much of an appetite yet. Finn brought the soup to me saying, "your favourite! Tomato soup!"  
Mom has fruit in front of her but she's not eating. "It's just like your father to talk in riddles and not get to the point," she says, shaking her head.

"Kylo says it's a clue to finding Rey!" BB-8 beeps excitedly at my knee. I set my hand gently on her little head. She tilts it up to look at me.  
"You can call me Ben now," I say quietly, looking down at her. She responds with an incoherent beep that I imagine translates into a BB-Unit's equivalent of what an electronic smile would sound like. One of her tiny doors open and a lighter flicks on. Strange...

"Maybe what Solo meant," Finn says with a mouthful of food. "Was that if we take Snoke to Rey she'll destroy him!"  
My mom shakes her head slowly. "No. I get the feeling she's locked herself away in the very place we can contain Snoke for all eternity, without killing him, or letting him live either."

I frown and my mom notices immediately. She sets her hand over mine. "Don't worry, we'll find her," she says.  
"You look different," Finn states, eating a sandwich now.  
"Different clothes," I say to him, in case he still hasn't picked up on why I look different. I'm not surprised it took him this long to notice, he's a Stormtrooper after all.  
"No, it's something else," he mumbles through food.

My mom's palm warms the top of my hand, making my chest ache with sadness. She never stopped believing I'd return. She looks so fragile now, smaller than I remember from when I was a boy. Seeing her like this makes me think of all the years we've missed getting to know each other.

"There's an old Jedi legend," she says softly, "about the waters of Ahch-To. Their waves can wash a Jedi clean of his past, and can start them on a new path, of their own choosing. But many Jedi have died in these waters trying to do just that. The ocean is dangerous and wild."  
The room falls silent.

Then Finn says, "Yes. That's what it is! Kylo... I mean Ben, you look more washed and clean."

* * *

Whispers, all around me. I don't need super hearing power to know what is being said. I can see it in their eyes before they quickly look away and pretend they're not staring, pretend they're not talking about me. I keep my head held high as I walk down the halls of the Resistance Base, but my stomach tightens with each hushed conversation that drifts to my ears.

Mom was right about the waters of Ahch-To. I haven't felt Snoke's influence at all since I've risen from those waters, like an illness that I had for as long as I can remember and now has lifted and is suddenly gone. My steps are lighter when I walk and even my eyesight is clearer than ever before. And so, the whispers don't anger me, as I know they would have before. For once I feel free, truly free. Let them stare. 

I ignore them and continue on, anxious to find my mother. I remembered something else my father said to me, while I was at the brink of death, to 'take Snoke to the eternal children of the Dark and Light. At the place where good and evil together can abide.'

It has to be a clue that could help us find where Rey is. BB-8 zips along by my feet. She doesn't have any ideas either as to what my father's words could mean. I see Finn up ahead, talking to a Resistance pilot.

"Finn!" I call to him.  
They both look up and the pilot quickly walks off as I approach.  
"Hey," Finn says. "Aren't you supposed to be at the infirmary for tests?"  
"Ben hates doctors!" BB-8 beeps.

I have to remember to stop telling her everything.  
"Have you seen my mother?" I ask Finn.  
"No, but she's usually in the headquarters office." Finn lowers his voice. "Did you hear the news? Apparently Hux is still alive and Snoke has found a way to build a super weapon stronger than Starkiller Base! But a hundred times smaller."  
"How reliable are these sources?"

Finn shrugs. "Connor told me. So I don't know." He crouches down to BB-8. "Hey BB-8, give me five!"  
Finn holds out his hand, palm forward and BB-8 extends her small lighter. "Whoa!" Finn pulls his hand away. "We'll have to work on that one."  
He stands back up again. "So what did you want to talk to the General about?"  
"I remembered something else my father said."  
"What?"

BB-8 beeps. "He said to take Snoke 'to the place where good and evil together can abide. Where the voices of the children of the dark and light, cry out from the tombs of their masters' eternal night'."

I cross my arms and stare down at her. I'll have to talk to her about answering questions on my behalf.  
"Wow," Finn says. "That makes no sense at all. Come on, I'll show you where the Headquarters office is."

We start walking together then Finn stops. "Wait, did you say their voices cry out... from the tombs?" He looks at BB-8.  
"Yes," She says. "Where the voices of the children-"

Finn takes off running.  
My heart leaps in my chest. He knows where she is!

I run after him and BB-8 zooms after me.


	52. Kylo's Story - Part 8: Finding Rey

"This is where I found you," Finn says as he climbs down a rope ladder into a hole in the ground.  
"Down there?" I look down.  
"No, up there." Finn's disappears into the dark below and I hear his feet hit the bottom.  
"I'm coming down," I say, then jump. A cloud of dust billows up around me where I land.

Finn's already gone ahead into the dusty cavern, which seems to glow green with a luminous fog. BB-8 beeps above me. I clench my jaw wanting to stop Finn from going ahead without me. But it doesn't matter who finds Rey first, as long as she's found. BB-8 beeps again and I reach up for her. She seems lighter than usual as I use the Force to lower her down. She rolls around in the dust when I let her go.

"Thank you!" she says. She's excited to see Rey, I only hope that Finn's hunch is correct.  
"BB-8, stop moving," I say. She freezes. There are voices in the hollow cavern, distant like a memory, crying, laughing, making all sorts of sounds but none of them coherent words. I listen more carefully, none of the voices sound like Rey, they're all children's voices.

Finn reappears, breathing heavily. "I can't get any of the stone coffins open," he says. "You'll have to use the Force or something."  
I look down the long corridor. Stone coffins run along both sides. There are a lot of them.   
"Can you feel her presence?" Finn asks. "Is she here? Can you use the Force to call to her?"

I start to walk, listening, concentrating, trying to focus on the Force.  
'Rey... where are you?'  
BB-8 crunches the ground beneath her as she follows beside me. I walk to the end of the cave and stop. "This one's open," I say to Finn, looking down at the coffin. Could she have left?  
"That had the red light saber in it," Finn says. "Rey and I opened it."  
I turn to him. "How did you open it?"  
"I don't know," he shrugs. "We pushed the lid off?"

I walk over to the first coffin on my right and crouch down to get a good grasp of its lid. We'll just have to open each and every one. I push but the lid doesn't budge. Finn joins me. We push as hard as we can. When that doesn't work I move Finn aside and focus my Force energies on it. But there's a strong hold over it that I can't break through. I rub my face with my hands.

"That dust sure likes you," Finn says.  
I glance down at my hands. They're covered in so much of the dust that they practically glow. I clench my fists. There's an energy coming from the dust and it feels familiar like... "Crystal," I whisper.  
"What?"  
"That's amazing."  
"What is?"  
"It's the same crystal mineral used in some light sabers."

BB-8 beeps to get our attention. "There is air moving from over there, pulling the dust in," she says, pointing her lighter towards one of the coffins.  
"From this coffin?" I ask, rushing over to it.  
"No, from behind it."

Finn jumps over the coffin and puts his hands out to the wall behind it. He leans forward then disappears into the wall. I jump over the coffin too.  
"Wait for me!" BB-8 shrieks in high pitched tones. I turn back and lift her over the stone coffin to the other side, in front of the wall. I put my arm out then pause, a fear hitting me suddenly that it won't allow me through the way it did Finn. I put try it out and my hand goes into the wall.  
"Come on BB-8," I say, jumping through.

The other side of the fake wall is so thick with light saber dust that I can't see. BB-8 zooms ahead, getting swallowed up in the luminous fog. The passageway is narrow and there's only one way to go, forward.

As I near the end of the passageway I see Finn's on his knees, trying to force the lid off an ancient looking coffin. I kneel down beside him to help him push, but it's useless. Finn's forehead glistens with sweat.

"Stop," I tell him. "This isn't working."  
He lets go with a cry of frustration, then turns around and leans back against the coffin, breathing hard. His jacket moves aside and I see blood seeping through his shirt.  
"Your bandages..." I start to say and Finn looks down. He sighs, rubbing his face with his hands.

I sit beside him and look out into the green fog. I don't sense Rey. Could Finn have been wrong? I close my eyes.  
'Father, help me. You helped me in the water...'  
The response comes almost instantly.  
'The Force all around you helped you.'  
He heard me. He answered...  
"How do we get to Rey?" I whisper.  
'Use your faith in the Force. Use your voice.'  
"My voice?"

"What?" Finn says. He's still taking deep breaths.  
"I need to use my voice, to get the lid to open."  
Finn gives me a questioning look. "How?""  
"You're using your voice right now!" BB-8 beeps.

I jump up and turn to the coffin. "Open!" I command.  
Finn gets up too and we stand together.  
"I command you to open!" I yell.  
Nothing happens.

"Maybe be nicer," Finn says after a moment.  
I glare at him.  
"I mean, everything doesn't have to be a command does it?" he adds.

I sigh and try to think of a different approach. My father's words enter my mind again, 'Use your faith in the Force. Use your voice.'  
I take a breath then try again. "I believe we can open it," I whisper. Finn gives me a sideways glance. I try again, louder this time. "I can open it. We can open it together."

BB-8 rolls over to the coffin and pushes against the lid with her head, her gears grinding as she tries to roll forward. The lid moves slightly.  
Finn and I exchange a look then both start pushing. The lid slides off and a cloud of crystal dust wafts up. Beneath it, lies Rey.


	53. Kylo's Story - Part 9: Forgotten

My face crumbles and I almost start to cry.   
We found her.  
Finn reaches into the coffin and I smack his hand away.

“How do we wake her?” he says quietly. I look down at her still frame. She looks peaceful, with her arms crossed and eyes closed, her skin glowing with the dust. I can feel her now, so strongly it chokes the air from my lungs.

'Rey…' I call to her. 'Wake up… please.'  
BB-8 rolls up to the side of the coffin, trying to look in, but she’s too short to see over the edge.  
“Maybe you have to kiss her,” Finn says.  
“What?” I look at him. I always thought he was stupid but I don’t think I realized just how stupid.  
“Or maybe I do,” he mumbles. My fist flies up and he flinches, jumping back. I stop myself before punching him in the face. I knew I should have just killed him on Yavin_4. I could have made it to look like an accident.

“Maybe you just need to speak louder!” BB-8 adds, beeping extra loud, the sound reverberating off the walls.  
Rey stirs and Finn gasps. Her eyes flutter open and look up, dazed.

“BB-8?” she says with a scratchy voice. “Are you okay?” She coughs then struggles to get up. Finn immediately reaches out to help her. I’m frozen in place. She’s alive. She’s here. she's alright. I swallow hard, my eyes burning with tears.

“Where am I?” she says, rubbing at her eyes. She stares into the green fog for a second then notices Finn.  
“Finn!” she cries out. Her excitement is like a dagger to my heart. She throws her arms around him, pulling him into the edge of the coffin and he grunts in pain. I get up and step back.  
“What are you doing here?” she says. Her eyes are shut tight and tears escape down her cheeks. I take another step back. “Where were you? I tried contacting you after I got back to Jakku.”

Her words hang in the air. Even BB-8 is silent. She pulls back, looking around again. I’m backed far enough now, into the fog, that she doesn’t notice me.  
“Why is there a glowing fog in the cave?” she looks down. “The bath tub…” Her expression becomes fearful. “Finn?” She breathing gets more frantic. “What is this?”  
“It’s a coffin,” BB-8 beeps.

“What?” Rey scrambles to get up. “Get me out! Get me out!” she yells, grabbing for Finn. I step forward to help but then stop, watching them work together. Finn grimaces as Rey puts her weight on him to step out over the side of the coffin.

“What’s the last thing you remember?” he asks.  
“I don’t know.” She closes her eyes for a moment. “The cave… I was in the tub. That’s the last thing I remember.”

I hold my breath. Her last memory was the bath she had on Yavin_4? I try to think back. What happened up until then? She asked me to stay with her at night, she was crying. I held her in my arms and stayed up all night, not daring to move a muscle in case I’d wake her and she’d send me away.

Rey covers her cheeks with both of her hands. “Oh…”  
“What?” Finn asks.  
She slides her hands up over her eyes and mumbles into her palms. “How embarrassing.”  
“What is?” Finn asks.  
“Nothing.” Rey lowers her hands and straightens. She wobbles a bit and Finn reaches his arms up to steady her.  
“Finn you’re bleeding!” Rey’s eyes go wide as she looks down. “What happened?”

Finn glances in my direction and I clench my fists.  
“Ben hurt him,” BB-8 beeps.  
“Who’s Ben?” Rey turns to BB-8. “BB-8, you look different!” She kneels down to get a better look.  
“I have a new body!” BB-8 beeps. “I don’t remember what happened because Ben took out my memory card.”  
“What!” Rey yells. Her voice pierces through the fog and makes me flinch. “Who is this Ben? I don’t think I like him very much.”  
“The Resistance fighters shot at me and I blew up-”

“That’s enough BB-8,” I interrupt, stepping forward.  
“Master Luke!” Rey cries out. She’s looking right at me. I freeze. Her smile fades. “Kylo?” My heart sinks. She looks down at the ground and wraps her arms around herself. “Finn, can you please get me out of here? I’m really thirsty.”

* * *

Finn cringes with every step as Rey leans on him for support. I keep my distance behind them and BB-8 rolls at my side. She’s quiet now, after I told her not to share the details of all that had happened since Rey’s last memory. I whispered it to her while Finn struggled to help Rey over the coffin on the other side of the fake wall, her muscles weak from not using them for so long. I was secretly hoping Finn would bleed to death or faint already. But it wouldn’t matter if he did. I don’t think Rey would let me touch her.   
She’s avoiding eye contact with me. In fact, she’s avoiding me all together. Part of me wants to believe it’s just her embarrassment from her last memory, maybe she remembers me walking in on her while she was in the bathtub. But another part of me is scared she’ll forget me now, like she’s forgotten all we went through together. It would be for the best, since she doesn’t remember how I betrayed her and how she killed Poe. Those parts, I hope she never remembers.

Finn and Rey stagger in front of me and I frown, reaching my hand out to catch them with my Force power from behind. I hear them sigh in relief as I hold them up. Finn glances back at me. Rey leans her head on his shoulder.  
“Thanks Finn,” she says. “Are you sure you’re okay?”  
“Yes. Just fine,” he replies.  
“What have you been up to since Starkiller Base was destroyed?”

We’ve reached the entrance now and I raise Rey up, a little too fast. She screams in fear and I immediately regret my impulsive action.  
“It’s okay!” Finn says quickly, reaching his arms up to her. “Kylo’s just lifting you out.”

Rey’s eyes are wide as she looks over at me. I glance past her shoulder, to the sunset colours in the sky above, then lift her the rest of the way and gently set her down at the top. Finn looks as though he wants to say something to me but then decides not to.

“You go ahead,” I say, nodding to the ladder. “I’ll catch up.”


	54. Kylo's Story - Part 10: The Heart Remembers

“She’s resting,” my mom says to me. I nod and start to walk away.  
“Ben?”  
I stop. She walks over to me and sets her hand on my arm. “This isn’t necessarily a bad thing,” she whispers. “Now she can get to know you as Ben.”  
My shoulders slump but I nod. “Is there somewhere I can go to be alone?” I ask.   
Mom pats my arm. “I know just the place.”

Three rows of stone benches sit behind a large tree carved into the stone at the front of the small chapel. The ceiling is entirely black, as though it was charred by some explosion long ago. A small ray of sunlight shines in through a collapsed part of the ceiling, open to the sky. 

The stone pews are cold to the touch and I can see my breath in the air. I tilt my head up to the black ceiling, then close my eyes.  
“May the power of the Force descend upon me and remain with me forever,” I whisper. It’s one of the ancient Jedi chants Uncle Luke taught me when I was training with him. I’d forgotten about the chants until this very moment. I used them to help control my anger, saying them when my temper would rise. Uncle Luke was so patient with me. He taught me self-discipline and gave me a strict daily routine. I soon began to love the consistency of it, the order.

I take a deep breath of cold ocean air and start a new chant, not wanting to think about what happened after my training time with Uncle Luke, when Snoke came into my life.  
“Make known to me the ways of the Force, teach me the Jedi path, that I may follow it and live a life worthy of a Jedi…. Make know to me the ways of the Force.”

“Kylo?”  
I turn fast. My breath catches. It’s Rey. She’s wearing a heavy, dark green dress that brushes the stone floor at her feet, a brown shawl wrapped around her shoulders. Her eyes sparkle in the dim light and her hair flows free. My heart aches and I look away, not wanting to stare.  
“Can we talk?” she says.

I nod and she steps forward, taking a seat on one of the benches. I sit down beside her and she slides over, putting a little distance between us. I keep my glance on the back of the bench in front of me.  
“I talked to your mother,” she says softly.  
I wait.  
“She talked to me about us...”

I clasp the stone bench I'm sitting on as I wait for Rey to continue.  
“I’m sorry I don’t remember all that happened between us,” she continues.  
I shake my head, wanting to tell her it’s not her fault and it’s probably for the best, but I can’t seem to speak.  
“I don’t think the General knows everything that happened between us either,” she says. “But she knows that I loved you, enough to put my life in jeopardy to save you.”  
I grip the bench even tighter. There’s a moment of silence.

Rey sighs. “No one is telling me anything. Even Finn won’t talk about it and he made BB-8 promise not to say anything to me either.”  
“Where is she now?” I say. I had thought BB-8 was with Rey this whole time.  
“Who? Your mom?”  
“No, BB-8.” I look over at Rey.  
“Oh.” She smiles and I stop breathing for a few seconds. “You really care about her don’t you?”  
I look away.

“I do too,” Rey whispers. She takes a deep breath. “To tell you the truth, I felt drawn to you, even back on Jakku. I felt you calling me and I kept heading towards you like I was on autopilot. Even from light year distances away I could sense you.” She stops for a second and I wait to take my next breath. “But it’s not the same now.”  
I close my eyes, the words gripping my heart. There’s no reason to tell her that I’ve never felt her Force presence more than I do now, that it makes me practically dizzy when she’s around.

“What were you chanting earlier?” she asks. I swallow down the lump in my throat and look up at the beam of light cutting across the air in front of us.  
“Ancient Jedi chants,” I manage to say through the pain in my throat.  
“Can you teach me one?”

I glance at Rey. Her eyes are full of eagerness. I try to think through the chants I know.  
“Can you teach me the one you were chanting when I walked in?” she asks.

I nod. “That’s the evening and morning chant, the last thing said before sleep and the first thing spoken when waking from sleep.”  
“What about for someone who doesn’t sleep?”  
For a second I think she’s talking about me but then remember that she no longer knows that about me. I let go of the cold bench seat and rub my hands together to warm them. “It can be chanted as a meditation, used as a form of-”  
“Sleep?” Rey finishes for me.   
"Yes," I nod.  
“Teach me that one!”

Taking a deep breath, I start. “Make known to me the ways of the Force-”  
She repeats after me.  
“Teach me the Jedi path… That I may follow it and live…. A life worthy of a Jedi.”

I start again and Rey chants with me. When I stop she continues so I join in again. Our voices intermingle on the breeze that blows around us. I close my eyes, listening to her voice and mine chanting in unison. The cry of a large bird echoes in the distance, accompanied by the rumbling of Thunder and the smell of rain. I open my eyes and look up at the broken ceiling, where the light beam was just seconds ago, but now there's a cloudy sky. Lightning flashes as our voices blend. I turn to her and see that she’s got tears running down her cheeks, her eyes closed, face raised to the sky. I stop chanting and then she does too.

“I may not remember everything,” she whispers, “but my heart does.”  
She opens her eyes and looks right at me, with so much tenderness that I feel my chest might burst.  
“I just need a little time, to get there.” She gets up from the bench and moves past me, leaving the chapel in silence, except for the cries of the bird still circling above and the constant sound of the ocean waters crashing below. I close my eyes and smile, holding back the tears that threaten to fall.

Her heart remembers us.


	55. Kylo's Story - Part 11 - Jealous

A bloodcurdling scream rips me from my dreamless sleep.  
'Rey!'  
I jump out of bed, throwing the blankets aside. The sheets tangle at my feet and I fall to the hard ground. I kick at them, cursing under my breath. Finally I've got my footing and I run. There are no more screams, which worries me more than if Rey were still screaming. I run down the sleeping chambers hall, where I ended up getting moved out of Rey's room to a new room, farthest at the end. My mom's idea. Finn's room is in a different hall altogether. My idea.

I round the corner so fast that my hand touches the marble floor, but my bare feet stick well enough to keep me from sliding.  
I burst into Rey's room, almost ripping the entrance curtain off its rod. I see Finn holding Rey as she cries and suddenly my chest feels like I smacked into a stone wall. He glances up, sees me, then pulls away from Rey. She looks up too. I hadn't even thought about the fact that I'm shirtless, but with Rey's eyes on me I feel practically naked.

I need to leave. Finn's here for her... I turn. Wait, how did he even get here before me? Was he already here with her? A sinking feeling settles into the pit of my stomach.  
"Kylo!" Rey stretches her hands out to me. I hesitate only for a second then rush over to her. She throws her arms around me and hugs me so tight that it almost hurts.

"I had a nightmare that you tried to kill yourself and jumped over the side of a cliff into the ocean," she gasps for a breath then continues. "And BB-8 was destroyed," her voice catches and she squeezes me tighter. "And... I... killed Poe."

Suddenly she lets me go, her eyes wide. "Where's Poe?" She looks to Finn, who is now standing off to the side. He looks away. I swallow hard. BB-8 rolls back and forth slowly, her gears the only sound in the drafty room. Our silence seems to answer Rey's question and she breaks down into sobs, covering her face with her hands. My heart races. I want her pain to stop.

'What's happened?'

The voice in my head startles me but I recognize it immediately. Mom is at the entrance, in her night clothes, looking concerned. Seeing her this way takes me back to my childhood. Somehow I'd forgotten she is Force sensitive like me, since she never uses her Force strength. I never understood why though.

"Is she alright?" Mom asks Finn, who's closest to her. He nods. She looks back to me. "Come on Ben, let's leave her be." She waves her hand to us and I get up. Rey grabs my arm to stop me, looking up at me with big teary eyes.

"Come on Finn," my mom says softly. "You too BB-8." Then the three of them leave through the curtain. I stare after them for a moment, thinking about Mom. My force sensitivity came from her side of the family. Dad was never Force sensitive. And yet mom never trained to be a Jedi.

Rey lets go of my arm. "You don't have to stay," she says.  
I sit back down on the bed. "I want to." 

Her small frame trembles slightly. "It was so real. I was flying over the oceans. I was the eagle, the great eagle that watches over Ahch-To. And I saw your ship, on an island far away from the other islands. Then I flew down closer and saw you on the edge of a cliff. I tried to call out to you but I could only cry like an eagle and you wouldn't listen. Then you stepped over the edge and jumped." She lowers her head and I put my arms around her, pulling her into my lap. She curls up close, resting her warm cheek on my bare chest. Her night gown slides off of her bare legs as she tucks her knees up to nestle into my arms. Her bare feet look so tiny it stirs my heart for some reason.

"You saved me," I whisper, running my hand over her hair to comfort her. My heart aches from all the exertion its been getting. Rey sets a warm palm on my chest. "I watched you drown..." her hand clenches into a fist and she buries her face in my neck.

"No, you flew me to the temple." I clasp her small shoulders, gently moving her back. "See the scars..."  
She gasps, likely noticing the talon marks for the first time. Her eyes shine and her cheeks are flushed. She's never been more beautiful. She reaches out and gently caresses the scar on my left shoulder. "I remember," she whispers. "I remember flying... you were so heavy."

I grin and she gives me a shy smile, then frowns again. "I dropped you off at the entrance to the tombs, so you'd know where I was. I thought you were in despair, over me. I wanted you to know I wasn't dead."  
I pull her close again and she flinches. "Ouch."

I let go and she looks embarrassed. "My back..." she trails off.  
"You hurt your back?"  
She shakes her head, re-positioning herself on my lap and looking away. "It's nothing."  
'What is it Rey?'

She sighs. "My skin got a bit of frost bite from the stone coffin, being on my back for so long. The medic gave me some medicated lotion to help it heal but I couldn't reach my back to put it on." She turns slightly as though showing me. I reach up and slide the top of her night gown aside so I can look. The skin on her back is red and looks dry and cracked. I frown.

"I didn't know who to ask, to help me put the lotion on."  
'Not even Finn?'  
I cringe. I shouldn't have said that, or thought that. Rey's cheeks flush even more and she gives me an angry glare. She climbs out of my lap and stands up.  
"I'm sorry." I put my hands in the air, palms forward as though surrendering. I really am sorry. It was a stupid thing to say.  
"Finn is just a friend," she says heatedly.  
"I know." I tell her, but my mind says, 'He was spending the night in your room.'  
"What?" Rey hisses.

I lower my hands back down. I seem to have a lot less control of my thoughts directed at Rey, than my words. But lately sending her a communication using the Force seems to be as simple as having a thought, and I almost don't notice that I'm doing it half the time.

"He did not spend the night here. He was apparently guarding my room from outside in the hall, which I was unaware of until he came running in when I screamed." She places her hands on her hips. "And I don't see why I need to explain myself to you Kylo Ren."

My shoulders slump. "You don't have to." I wipe my sweaty palms on my pants. The room is chilly and Rey's bare feet are on the cold marble floor. I get up off the bed. "Come, sit down, please."

She crosses her arms and smiles slightly. "You're jealous."  
I frown, then walk to the entrance, but stop before leaving. "Rey?"  
"Yes?"  
"Call me Ben."  
She nods. I move the curtain aside.

"Ben...?"   
I freeze. The sound of my name on her lips sends a rush through me.  
"Yes?" I look back at her.  
"Will you please help me put the lotion on my back?" She looks down at the ground, her face flushing even more than before.

I let the curtain fall back down, swallowing hard. "Of course."


	56. Kylo's Story - Part 12

My hands are unsteady as I scoop medicated ointment onto my fingertips. Rey's back is turned to me and she's hugging her blankets to her chest. I waited outside the room while she changed into a pair of black pants, then she called me back in and I found her sitting on the bed, hugging her blankets to herself, topless with a shy look on her face.   
Now I'm on the bed with her and she's faced away from me, her feet are tucked under her. Her lower back is arched so perfectly it makes me ache. She glances over her shoulder at me and I quickly look up.

"Ready?" She says.  
I nod and gently place the lotion onto her back. She stiffens.  
"Cold?" I ask, pausing.  
"It's fine," she says softly.

I smooth the lotion over her dry skin as carefully as I can. Her shoulders relax and then she sighs so pleasantly that the sound makes me shudder. I take my time, getting every inch of her upper back where she couldn't reach, wishing I had a reason to cream her lower back where the skin looks fine. She tilts her head to the side, drawing my attention to her neck. My muscles stiffen and I clench my jaw. Her hair is gathered up in an elastic exposing her delicate pale skin. Her shoulders rise and fall as she sighs again, more slowly this time. My eyes travel down to the curve of her waist then up and I catch a glimpse of the side of her breast as she squeezes the blankets tight. My pulse races.

I've finished applying the cream everywhere it's needed but I take some more and start again. She tilts her head the other way and I glance at her neck once more, my hands following my eyes as I trace my fingers up her shoulders to her neck.

Rey lets out a small gasp and I quickly pull my hand away. She turns abruptly and I freeze.  
"You kissed me!" she says, her eyes wide. "In a dream and... in real life too."

"What?" My brain doesn't want to work. All I can think about is that now she's facing me and only has one hand holding the blankets, the other is on the bed, keeping her balance as she turns. She shifts her knees around so she can use her free hand again bringing it up to my face. I brace myself for a slap, but instead she touches my lips gently with the tips of her fingers, looking at them like she's lost in thought.

"No," she whispers. "I'm the one who kissed you..." She smiles. "And you kissed me back."  
A heat stirs inside of me. I look down at her supple lips, slightly parted. If we start kissing now I won't be able to stop. I'll lose all control. I move her fingers slowly away.  
"Rey..."  
"Yes?" her breath catches and she moves closer.

"You should get dressed, before you do something you'll regret."  
Her eyes flash and then, she slaps me.

* * *

"My data base says females can seem to act irrationally, to the male perspective," BB-8 beeps. "And it also says... upon careful reflection it is common to find that the female's actions are usually warranted, despite initial confusion." 

"Did a male or female compile that report?" I ask her, looking out across the sky. It's a clear day and we're at the amphitheater getting some fresh air. I'm sitting on a bottom step beside BB-8, the sun shining on my face. All those years travelling in spaceships has made me forget how wonderful it is to have the sun on my face. It's also wonderful to know that Rey remembers everything now. Almost everything. She still can't remember how she got in the catacombs or why she even went there in the first place.  
"The report was compiled by a team of professors from-"

"There you are." Finn jogs over to us, and I groan inwardly. He looks excited and has been talking about the latest word going around about Snoke's new crystal Death Star, and Hux still being alive. But I've been too wrapped up in my own thoughts to pay much attention. I was trying to hide from Finn mostly, when I came to the amphitheater.

"The General called an emergency meeting at the Headquarters Office," he says, looking way too happy about it.  
I sigh and get up.  
"It's an officials-only meeting."  
"Then why are we going?"

Finn is already ahead of me, BB-8 following excitedly behind him. I take a final moment in the warm sun then follow after them.

* * *

A holographic 3D image of a diamond shaped weapon floats over the meeting table where ten commanding officers are seated along with Rey, Finn, me and Chewbacca the Wookiee.

"Thanks to Chewie's scouting we now have this visual of the new Death Star," my mom says. She stands at the head of the table, looking official in her General's uniform. "We believe it uses a massive amount of Synthetic Crystals to generate an energy field similar to a red light saber, but one that can travel through space to its target-"

"Does it blow up planets?" Finn interrupts. I'm still trying to figure out why he's even here.  
"It slowly kills all life on a planet through radiation exposure and leaves the planet itself unharmed."  
"Why would he want that?" Rey asks. She has a concerned look on her face and I can't help but think how adorable she looks when she's worried. I should have let her kiss me last night. No it was good I didn't. But at least if I'd kept my mouth shut, or my thoughts...

"Ben?"  
Everyone's looking at me and I freeze. "Yes?"  
Mom frowns. "Conner asked you if you know anything more about this new weapon and how it works."  
I shake my head. "All I know is that Synthesized Crystals are unstable. I don't think the First Order will be successful in focusing it on a particular target if it's travelling through space."

"We have to assume they have already found a way." Mom turns off the holographic image and takes a seat. "Thank you Chewie." She nods to the tall Wookie who yells incoherently in return. Since his return I'm no longer the tallest one on base. I don't even think he knows I'm Kylo Ren. Everyone calls me Ben now. If he knew, I'd think he'd have killed me by now, for killing his lifelong friend and master, my father.

A touch on my leg makes me jump and my knee hits the table hard, getting everyone's attention. All heads turn to me once again and Chewie yells another incoherent reply.  
"He says now he's not the only one too tall for all our furniture," Mom explains with a grin. Everyone laughs and I tense for a second. The smiles around the room are genuine and I realize no one's laughing at me, but at Chewie's comment.

Mom clears her throat and starts up again about the location of the new weapon. Rey nudges my shoulder and motions for me to move closer so she can tell me something. I lean down and she whispers in my ear, her breath sending chills down my side.  
"Sorry, that was me," she says, patting my leg. "I wanted to say I forgive you."

Now Mom's talking about sending out more scouts before we can decide on the best strategy to destroying this unstable Meth Star, which is what we're calling the new Death Star now. It started as a joke Finn made and stuck as the unofficial name for the new crystal destruction weapon. I don't get the joke but Connor can't seem to get enough of it. He's snickering even now.

I'm about to ask Rey what she's forgiving me for when her hand settles on my leg again and suddenly I can't speak, or think, or breathe. I can only hope that no one asks me any more questions.


	57. Kylo's Story - Part 13: Family

"Weren't you paying attention?" Finn says to me with a mouthful of food. We're at the dining hall sitting at one of the long tables. Rey is beside me and Finn is across from us. "Basically," he says, "we destroy the Meth Star then lure Snoke to the catacombs somehow."  
"How?" I ask.  
Finn shrugs.  
"How about," Rey says, raising an eyebrow. "We tell him that the red light saber is in the catacombs. He'll want to get to it."

Finn dismisses her idea with a wave of his hand. "That's not a good idea-"  
I glare at him and he stops talking.  
"You're right Finn," Rey nods. "He'll just send an army to come get it and won't come himself. Plus the Resistance Base is here."  
"Does Snoke still..." Finn says to me, waving his hand around his ear. "You know... control your mind?"  
"No," I say.

Rey leans against my arm and hugs it, her chest pressing into my bicep. I get more than a few glances from around the table, which is filled with guys. I pretend not to notice but can't help the small grin on my face.

BB-8 beeps from the floor on my other side. "You could tell Snoke that he's the only one that can get the sword out, because it's his." I rest my hand on her head. She's a smart droid. No one else is listening to her. I gently pull my arm out from Rey's grasp and go get another chair from the next table then set it beside me. I lift BB-8 onto it. Now she can see us. Her head moves back and forth looking around the table. "Thank you," she beeps.  
"Hey BB-8, give me five!" Finn says, reaching out his hand. She opens one of her compartments and extends a tiny multi-utility tool with a small screw driver, bottle opener, scissors and pliers. Rey laughs.

"Pardon the interruption." A Resistance officer stops at our table. "Miss," he nods to Rey. "The visitor pods will be landing soon and the guests will gather in the Amphitheater. If you're expecting someone-"  
"Visitor pods?" Finn asks.

The officer looks to me then Rey. "Yes, well," he clears his throat. "The General brings over family members to the base before everyone goes out on an important mission."  
Finn frowns.  
"Do they come to help us with the battle?" BB-8 beeps.  
"No," I tell her. "Thank you," I nod to the officer and he leaves.

Rey sets down her half eaten sandwich. "Excuse me," she says softly, pushing out her chair and getting up. She runs off. Finn stands up quickly too as though he wants to run after her, but he stops and looks at me first.  
"Go ahead," I sigh, and he runs off too.

The food sits heavy in my stomach. I've been avoiding having a talk with my mom, but it's time I did. I get up and BB-8 beeps.  
"Wait!"   
I lift her off the seat and set her on the marble floor.  
"You go find Finn and Rey," I tell her. "And make sure he doesn't kiss her."  
BB-8 gives me a questioning beep which I ignore.   
"Go ahead."

Her ball rolls in one place on the marble floor for a second then catches some traction and she whisks away. I'll have to talk to someone about getting her some traction tape or rubber detailing for her body to help her get around better.

The dining hall is almost empty now. Everyone must have gone to the amphitheater to await their family members. I head for the Base Headquarters office, where my mom will most likely be, trying not to think about how Rey's parents left her and how she's waited so long for them and they never came back. I imagine that's why she became upset when the officer told us about the family members arriving. I start walking faster. After I talk to my mom I'll go find her and see how she's doing.

I find Mom sitting at the large conference table in the empty Headquarters office. She has some papers in front of her but she's not reading them. Her elbow rests on the table with her forehead in her hand. She hasn't noticed me yet. I stop to look at her.

Pride swells in my chest. She's the commander of this whole fleet of officers and Resistance fighters. But she carries this burden all alone. I want to help her. I can lead an army. I know how to go into battle and win. I've never been afraid to be on the front lines, unlike Hux, who always stayed on base to watch from a safe distance while others fought his battles for him.

Mom lifts her head and looks up. "Ben?" She straightens her shoulders. "Come have a seat." Her eyes are red, as though she's been crying and she looks tired.  
I take a seat close to her, but not right beside her. Mom gathers her papers and sets them aside.  
"How are you and Rey doing?" she asks.  
I open my mouth to answer but nothing comes out.  
"I know you're both Force sensitive," she continues. "And I know what that means as far as relationships go." She looks me in the eyes. "But I've never seen you so in love, so changed by someone."

Now I just want to leave, but that would be rude, so I slouch down in my seat instead.  
"When it's a love that's destined to be," she continues, "there's always a way."  
I think of dad and a lump forms in my throat. "Do you miss dad?"  
"I'm well practiced in missing him," she says, giving me a sad smile. "He visited me in a dream last night." She looks into the distance but doesn't continue. The hum of the overhead ventilation drones on as we sit in silence.

"Mom? I say. "Why don't you ever use your Force powers?"  
Mom sighs and sits back in her seat. "I never trained to be a Jedi. I planned to but then I got pregnant with you. Suddenly fighting wars and intergalactic battles didn't seem all that important anymore. All I cared about was having a healthy baby. Then you were born..."  
Mom takes a deep breath, then continues. "I loved you so much... A mother's love is the greatest force in the Universe. I believe that." She nods, pausing a moment as though she's finding it difficult to continue. "I had my Force powers back then, just untrained. My Force sensitivities became heightened after you were born, like it was a protection instinct for my new born son. I..." Mom swallows and I wait for her to continue. Her obvious pain at telling me this makes me frown.

"Well," she says, "let's just say I killed one of your nurses by accident, or I suppose it was on purpose at the time of my anger. And you almost got hurt in the process. I'd never done anything like that before." She stops to take a breath. "I was fiercely overprotective and it was becoming dangerous. I went to talk to your Uncle Luke and he explained about attachments and why they were forbidden for Jedi's, or those who were strongly Force sensitive. Your grandfather..." She stops and looks down at the table. "He had attachments, loved ones. It was because of this, because he wanted to protect them, that he went mad with the power of the Force." She shakes her head. "Perhaps mad isn't the right word for it."

"So you... turned off your Force sensitivity?" I ask. My heart races. Could such a thing be possible? What could that mean for Rey and me?  
"Not exactly, but yes." Mom nods. "I went with Luke to the temple on Coruscant and the Jedi Masters there reflected on my situation. They agreed to put an incantation over me that would bind my Force sensitivity to a mantra. I had no access to the Force after the incantation was put on me, other than my connection with you, my Force sensitive child. And I never will, until the incantation is lifted."

"How can it be lifted?" I ask.   
"Only by chanting the same mantra three times. The only person who knows the chant in your Uncle and we still haven't found him. But I don't intend to open that door to Force sensitivity any time soon."

She stops talking and we sit in silence for a while. The smooth surface of the table feels cool on my palms. I still haven't said anything about why I came here to talk to her. It doesn't seem like the right time now. But when will it ever?  
"Why did you send me away?" I say before I can change my mind.  
"To train with your Uncle Luke..." she stops. I keep my eyes focused on the table. "Ben... I missed you terribly."  
I clench my jaw.

Mom sits up in her chair. "It hurt so much to see you struggle in school," she says. "I didn't know what else to do."  
"I didn't want to leave."  
"I know, but your Uncle Luke thought it would be best... I'm sorry Ben. I should have never sent you away when you needed us the most."

My eyes burn, my throat burns. It's all too much. I get up from my chair and leave.


	58. Kylo's Story - Part 14: Family (Continued)

Rey isn't in her room or in the dining hall. I search the entire Base until the only place left to look is the amphitheater, the last place I feel like going.

I hear the excited voices before I even step outside. The air is warmer today, giving the distant chatter a festive feel, which only makes my mood darker. I squint into the bright light outside, making my way down to the amphitheater. The fog has lifted and the sun's rays bathe everything in shades of orange. 

I stop when I see all the people gathered, women and children, Resistance fighters and pilots, all talking and playing together. I step back. BB-8's beeps draw my attention and I see her zooming around people's feet as a little girl with the curliest hair I've ever seen chases after her. The little girl's ringlets bounce and she squeals as she runs after BB-8.   
Chewie is on the floor nearby with five kids climbing all over him. He doesn't seem to mind, although it's hard to tell either way. 

Then I spot Rey and Finn, sitting on the steps. Rey has a little boy on her lap who appears to be telling her a fascinating story, his arms swinging out wide, then he points up to the sky. Rey smiles and widens her eyes in amazement, likely exaggerating her wonder at his story for his benefit.

Finn has a little girl sitting beside him who looks like the twin of the bouncy haired girl chasing BB-8. She swings her feet and makes hand signals as sings. He joins in with the hand movements and she stops to correct him, then they continue singing together. I watch them from my spot at the edge of the amphitheater. Finn could give Rey a normal life, with kids and a family. She looks so happy with the little boy, it's almost painful to watch.

Something bumps my leg and I look down. It's BB-8. The little girl chasing him stops suddenly and looks up at me, then she runs off to go jump on Chewbacca.  
"Ben," BB-8 beeps. "Can you please help me?"  
It's hard to hear her over all the commotion so I crouch down. "Do you need to get away from all these kids?" I ask.  
"I need to go to the Millennium Falcon."  
"Why?"  
"I have to get something for Rey."

I look over at Rey and Finn. He's now teaching the boy on Rey's lap a secret handshake as Rey laughs.  
"Finn knows how to get to the Millennium Falcon," I say to BB-8. "You should ask him to take you."

Rey looks in my direction and waves. I stand and lift my hand in greeting but don't walk over.   
BB-8 zooms over to Finn and the little girl throws her arm around her in a hug. I stand there watching for a moment. Rey goes back to her conversation with the boy. 

I turn and head back inside.

* * *

I don't intend to sleep, but within minutes of laying down I begin to drift off.

"Having fun playing house?"

My eyes fly open. It's Hux. He's standing in the entrance way to my room.

"Makes it all the more enjoyable for me to watch them all die," he says with a smirk on his face, nodding towards the window. I run over to it and throw the curtain aside. A bright beam of red light streaks across the sky on it's way to Ahch-To, Still far off but moving closer fast.

"They can't evacuate," Hux says behind me. "The radiation from the crystals destroys all electronics and disables the shuttle pods and ships."  
I turn to face Hux but he is no longer there. A little girl's screams rise above the other cries I hear from outside, piercing my very soul.  
"Come back!" she cries over and over. I run out of the room.

On the other side of the curtain a heat hits me and I'm blinded by the bright light of the sun. I cover my eyes with my arm. The girl's devastating pleas continue.  
"Come back!" Her words are choked with sobs. "Let me go!"

I squint into the sun and see a large man dressed in all black, with a helmet like mine, but different. He's holding the arm of the little girl who's yelling. Her hair is in elastics just the way Rey wears her hair. She pulls against the Sith Lord's grasp, unable to free herself. I raise my hand and use the Force to make him let her go. He turns to look at me. The little girl is released and she runs out into the desert, waving her hands frantically in the air. "Come back!" she cries.

I run after her and glance up to where she's looking. A spacecraft is disappearing towards the sun.  
"Mommy!" she yells. "You forgot to take me!"

I reach out my hand and focus all my Force energies upwards to the departing spaceship. Sweat drips down my back in the heat. I pull the spacecraft back. My heart pounds, my eyes burn from the glare of the sun. 'Come... BACK!'  
I clench my jaw and focus harder. The girl throws her arms around my waist and hugs me tight with her skinny little arms, crying uncontrollably. I try harder, but the propulsion of the spacecraft fights against me. 'Come back!'  
My body shakes with the effort but I refuse to let go. I'm just not strong enough...

I wake with a jolt, my chest clenching so tight that I think I'm going to have a heart attack.  
"There you are." Rey comes into my room, then stops. I'm drenched in sweat and breathing heavily.  
"Ben?"  
"I'm sorry they left you Rey?" The words rush out of my mouth before I can stop them. "They shouldn't have left you behind." I clench my fists. I don't want Rey to hurt, ever. She rushes over to me and hugs me. "Are you okay?"

"No," I say, hugging her back.  
"Let's get out of this place."  
I pull back and look at her.  
"Let's go somewhere else," she says, her eyes full of expectation.  
"Where?"

"I don't know..." Her face lights up. "How about Yavin_4? Just for a day or two. The visitors are here for a whole week and..."  
"A week?" I frown, remembering Hux's threats in my dream. "I need to talk to my mom." I look into Rey's beautiful eyes. "Then we'll go. I promise."  
"I want to be alone with you." Rey climbs onto my lap and pulls me close. "I have a gift for you," she whispers in my ear. "But I want us to be alone, away from here and from everyone, when I give it to you."

My muscles tense as she shifts in my lap. I clasp her hips in both hands. "I'll get changed and go talk to my Mom first. Then we'll go."  
Rey climbs out of my lap but I don't stand up after her. I don't want her to notice that she's excited me a little too much by sitting on me.

"Okay," she says. "I'll go ask Finn if he will watch BB-8 for us while we're gone."  
I nod and she turns and walks away with a smile on her face.


	59. Kylo's Story - Part 15: Rey's Heritage

Green dust floats in the water all around me, fizzing as it slides off my skin. I’m at one of the monastery bathing houses near the bottom of the island, and I’m the only one here, thankfully. I don’t know where Rey is, possibly packing, or maybe looking for me since I disappeared for a while. She’d said she had a gift for me, so I couldn’t leave Ahch-To without preparing a gift for her. 

I remembered the green light saber dust in the catacombs had small clumps of crystal in the cracks of the cave walls and on the ground in corners. I went back to get one, looking for the largest one I could find, to use in a ring for Rey. But the largest one cut my fingers. So I gathered a bunch of small ones instead and took them to the repair station to see if anyone there could embed them into duranium or some strong alloy to make a ring. Two Resistance mechanics were mulling about the repair station, with no family to visit. They seemed quite happy to be given a new project to work on.

I dunk down into the cold water, wondering if she'll like the ring. I don’t even feel the cold. I’m too energized by the thought of being alone, truly alone, with Rey soon.  
The lapping of the water around me is peaceful. Maybe this bath house was used as a spiritual cleansing place a long time ago. Either way it suits my purposes just fine. I smooth back my hair, which is now almost shoulder length when wet. It’ll bounce back up in waves when it dries. I just hope all the glowing dust is completely out of it now. A sound startles me, because I’m undressed and would rather not be found that way.

Clean enough. It’s time to get out of here. I get out of the water quickly then grab the towel I brought with me and wrap it around my waist. My clothes lie in a heap on the marble floor. Somehow I didn’t think to bring a change of clothes with me.

“Kylo?...” It’s Rey. Her voice echoes through the open space as she hurries over to me. “Ben… Sorry, I forget sometimes… to call you Ben.” She’s breathing hard from her run and holding a communications card in her hand, her cheeks flushed. “I was looking everywhere for you!” Her eyes travel down from my face to my chest and abdomen. “I had…” she starts. “I’ve got…” She holds up the comm card to show me.  
“Yes?”  
“BB-8...”

I tilt her chin up so she’ll look at me. Her cheeks flush a bit more and she pulls away.  
“BB-8, um, found this.” She holds up the comm card again. “I mean, Master Dukath gave this to her, before he died.”  
I flinch. “Master Dukath? You saw him?”

“I…” Rey seems at a loss for words. “We… It’s a long story but yes, we saw him briefly. He told me I would fall to the Dark side and, well… Apparently he gave BB-8 this message card to keep safe and give to me when I was ‘with child’, but she was too scared to leave it in her compartments so she hid it on the Millennium Falcon, and today she gave it to me.”

I've stopped breathing. I don't know what to say. Rey’s eyes grow wide and she shakes her head, “No, no Ben. BB-8 misunderstood what Master Dukath meant. She saw me playing with a child today and that's why she thought I was 'with child.'”

I start breathing again. “What does the comm card say?”  
“I don’t know yet. I wanted us to watch it together.” Her glance trails down again. “Would you like me to bring you a change of clothes from your room first?” She asks.  
“Please.”

She nods and hurries away.

* * *

“Shouldn’t we wait until Rey is actually with child, like Master Dukath wanted?” Mom says. We’re gathered in Rey’s room with BB-8, who has the communications card plugged in and ready to view.

Rey doesn’t say anything. I put my hand on her shoulder, not sure what to tell her. It seems so fitting that Dukath would know of her. Somehow that warms my heart. Such a large Galaxy and in the end, we're all connected.  
“Do you want me to play the message?” BB-8 asks.  
“Yes,” Rey says. “I want to hear it.”

BB-8 projects a small holographic image onto the floor. It’s Dukath. My chest tightens. It's been a long time since I've seen him and the memories come flooding back. He was the one that truly saved me from self-destruction.

“My dearest granddaughter Rey,” he begins. Rey gasps. “Now you are with child and will soon find out that there are two male children in your womb.”  
I glance at Rey but can’t tell what she’s thinking. She sits perfectly still, her expression unreadable.

“One will be strong in the Light, the other, strong in the Dark side of the Force. But you must not despair. They will bring balance to the Galaxy, but not without great trials and tests of character. You are a princess, my granddaughter, descended from Royalty, a Kingdom now long forgotten but a bloodline no less powerful than a true Royal’s. You will fulfill your destiny in your sons."

Dukath pauses and everyone in the room seems to be holding their breath. "Your parents were taken from you at an early age, but I hid you with an incantation so you would be unnoticed, overlooked, your true nature and power remaining unseen, except by those with a pure heart. But it will be this way no longer. Soon all will see your light. But first, many trials will you face, sorrows because of your sons. Take heart and remain strong. Believe in the Force and do not give in to the Dark Side. Go in peace my grandchild, and may the Force be with you.”

The communication ends leaving the room in silence. Rey remains motionless.  
Mom gets up and walks to the entrance way. She turns to me. “The guests will be leaving the day after tomorrow. I’ve cut their visit short because of the dream you told me about.”  
I nod.  
“And,” she continues. “I’d like you two to return by that time as well.” She looks at Rey then back at me.  
'Take her Ben and fulfill your destiny, both of yours.'  
I nod, then she leaves.


	60. Yavin_4 - Part 1

"We're going to get so wet!" Rey says, looking outside at the downpour of rain. It bangs noisily onto the roof of the small spacecraft. The season on Yavin_4 has changed and there is no longer any snow, but rain, which now pours down in sheets.  
"We could wait it out," I suggest.  
"No. I don't know anything about Yavin_4 or its seasons. This could last for months." She grabs her bag and sets it onto her shoulders. "Come on. It will be an adventure!" She smiles.

I expected her to be sad about the message from Dukath. She'd finally found a piece of her heritage, a family member, and now he too is gone. But she seems happier. Maybe because she knows she wasn't abandoned or forgotten by her parents after all.

"Ready?" she says, her eyes shining in the yellowish glow of the ship's auxiliary lights.  
"What about the blankets and sheets and pillows?" I point towards the bed stuff rolled up and tied with a rope. For a moment I expect an uncanny response from BB-8, but then realize she isn't at my feet.  
Rey snaps her fingers. "The garbage!" She runs off. 

I pick up the bed things and throw it onto my shoulder. My stomach has been in knots the whole trip here. I have no idea what Rey has in mind for our short time away, or what she wants. My guess is time to rest and relax, away from everyone and everything. Yet with all her excitement and energy I don't think we'll be getting to sleep anytime soon.

"Here!" she returns with a large plastic bag in hand. "Now it won't get wet! Come on!"  
She pushes the release button for the back door and it opens. The sound of the downpour outside fills the small bay area, along with a scent so refreshing I sigh and take a deep breath. Rey lets out a small squeal and runs out into the rain. I hope she remembers which way to go. 

I quickly stuff our bed things into the plastic bag and grab my bag as well, which has my clothes, food and the ring in it. The mechanics did a nice job, adding little detailing around the shining crystals embedded inside the duranium. The light saber crystal doesn't cut, unless some pressure is applied, but even then it would only result in a small scratch.  
I take a deep breath and run out into the rain, almost forgetting to close the bay door behind me.

I'm instantly soaked. I didn't even need to take a bath on Ahch-To. The rain beats down cold, seeping into my cloak and making me worry about Rey. I get disoriented for a moment then find my way to the cave entrance.

Rey is waiting there for me, heer arms are wrapped around herself and her teeth chattering.  
"You should get out of those wet clothes," I say, only realizing how it sounds after I've said it. Rey doesn't seem to take any offense. She grabs my arm and starts walking, using it for support as we make our way over the unleveled cave floor. 

The cave becomes darker as we leave the loud rushing sounds of the rain behind us. The walls echo with the gentle dripping of water into tiny unseen puddles instead. I pull out a flashlight from my bag. Hopefully the cave room doesn't have too much water in it.

When we reach the room I'm hit with a wave of so many conflicting emotions I can't move for a moment. This is the place I came to re-cooperate, when my life was so far from where I wanted it to be after Starkiller Base was destroyed. This is where I felt the loneliest I've ever felt in my entire life, but also the place I felt more understood and accepted than ever before, when Rey appeared.

"Are you okay?" she asks now, looking up at me. Her hair is dripping into her eyes and her lips look blue in the light of my flashlight. I shine it around. Puddles, everywhere. Then I shine it onto the bed. My shoulders relax. At least the bed is dry.

"Looks like we'll have to stay on the bed if we want to keep dry," I say, then groan inwardly. I'm not doing well for conversation on this trip.  
"Let's light some candles!" Rey says. She splashes over to the small food table and drops her bag down onto it with a thud. I go to help her but she waves me away. "I'll do it. Just go get changed first and I'll light the candles."

I head into the bathroom area leaving Rey humming to herself as she sets up the candles. I remove my belt and boots. My cloak is soaking wet and heavy. I grunt to pull it off over my head. Before long a warm glow shines beneath the curtain. I smile.

I open up my bag to find some dry clothes. The towels near the top are wet but my clothes survived. I take out the small box with the ring in it to put it into my pocket once I'm dressed. I've only got one robe with me, but I have extra pants and shirts. I'll leave my feet bare, since they'll just get wet anyway. I take off my wet shirt and consider going shirtless, but I don't want Rey to think I'm expecting anything she may not be ready for, or I may not be. I change into a dry pair of pants and shake the water out of my hair. Rey's humming has stopped. Am I taking too long?

I move the curtain aside and step out. My breath catches. Rey is in her underwear, trying to pull her shirt over her head. She has a thin white undershirt on underneath that's wet and stuck to her body, hugging her breasts so close I can see right through it. I hold back a moan. There's no way she isn't going to notice my excitement now. I suppose it's only fair, considering I'm openly looking at her beautiful body.

She finishes pulling the wet shirt over her head and whips it across the room in such a carefree way that it makes me chuckle. She notices me standing there, watching her and I quickly look away. My pulse races. Will she be mad? I don't have to look down to know what she probably sees right now, with my body so tense. I'm not sure if I should apologize, or if she'd consider it a complement that she has such an effect on me. Her bare feet make tiny splash sounds as she walks towards me. She reaches up to my chin, turning my face to look at her.

"All the clothes in my bag got wet," she says. I clench my jaw, dizzy with the images that pop into my mind of her undressed and stretched out on the bed. My pulse pounds in my ears. "Can I borrow one of your shirts?" she asks, looking up at me from beneath her long lashes.

It takes a second for my head to clear. "Yes," I say, stepping aside so she can go into the bathroom. "My clothes are in there."  
"Thanks." She goes in and I quickly turn to catch a glimpse of her small bottom in the tiny pink underwear she's wearing. She glances over her shoulder and closes the curtain. A small space is left between the wall and the edge of the curtain and for a second I see the curve of her hips in the soft glow of the candle light. I step away and walk to the bed.

I need to get a hold of myself. She doesn't know I've never had any experience whatsoever with intimacy. I know what women look like undressed, but I've never seen one as lovely as Rey. Her breasts have a perfect roundness to them, as does her bottom. Her hip bones showed slightly just below her undershirt and above her low rising pink underwear. I run my hand through my hair. I have to stop thinking about it. I hope she puts on a pair of my pants too or I'm going to lose it.

The curtain opens and I jump. Rey stands there with a shy smile on her face. My shirt is massive on her, reaching down to her knees and hanging over her shoulder, revealing the olive skin of her chest. I don't know what to say. I imagine my obvious stiffness below says it all.

"We should dry our feet off and get into bed before we catch a cold," Rey says. "I still have to give you my gift."


	61. Yavin_4 - Part 2: From This Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We're heading for something  
> Somewhere I've never been  
> Sometimes I am frightened  
> But I'm ready to learn  
> Of the power of love"
> 
> "The sound of your heart beating  
> Made it clear suddenly  
> The feeling that I can't go on  
> Is light years away"
> 
> -The Power of Love, by Jennifer Rush

Rey sits cross legged with my large shirt that she's wearing tucked into her lap. I have my legs stretched out on the bed in front of her, leaning back against the stone wall with a pillow behind me. Rey's cheeks are flushed and one side of the too-big shirt hangs down almost to her elbow. I could sit here and just look at her all night. The candles all around have made the cave warm and muggy and I feel too warm in my long sleeve shirt, but I'm not sure if I should take it off or not.

Rey reaches up to her hair and starts to remove her elastics. Her movements shift the position of her shirt, giving me glimpses of the side of her breast under her arm.  
"Aren't you warm in that shirt?" she asks.

"Yes." I sit up and pull my shirt over my head. I'm overheating, with Rey being in the same bed as me wearing nothing but a tiny pink undergarment beneath the baggy shirt. A slight breeze blows into the cave, cooling my skin and bringing with it the scents of the forest rain from outside. Rey watches me with a lopsided grin on her face and I suddenly feel self-conscious about having my shirt off.  
"You were going to give me a gift?" I ask.

Rey takes out her final elastic and her hair falls in waves around her shoulders. It's growing longer now. She shrugs her shoulders and my glance drops to where the shirt hangs down as it slides a little lower with her shrug.  
"I changed my mind," she says.

I look up again. "You changed your mind about giving me the gift?" I hold back a smile.  
"Yes." She grabs a pillow and hugs it tight, watching me from the opposite side of the bed. Did I do something wrong? She buries her chin in the pillow and backs further away. Is she scared? Should I put my shirt back on?  
"I've never done anything like this before," she mumbles into her pillow, her cheeks flushing red. "I'm a little nervous."

I'm about to ask what she means, but I'm sure I know what she's talking about. My heart races. She's nervous. And I'm terrified. What if I hurt her somehow? Or she hates me afterwards? I close my eyes and repeat a mantra in my head that Uncle Luke taught me to say whenever I'm afraid. Through the Force, I can do all things. Then I remember the last time I was here, on Yavin_4.

"I made a promise to you," I say to Rey. "When you were missing. I promised you that when I found you I'd bring you back to Yavin_4 and I wouldn't be afraid to love you." I say it more for my own sake than hers. She doesn't reply. I slide over closer to her and she immediately withdraws, her back hitting the stone wall behind her. I frown, my chest tight. She's scared of me.

"I won't touch you." I say, swallowing down the lump in my throat. "You can rest in the bed and I'll go for a walk, see if the rain has lifted."  
Rey's shoulders drop and she begins to cry, so desperately that I suddenly can't breathe.  
"You're going to disappear too." She sobs into her pillow. "Like my parents did."  
"No-"  
"You left me in the interrogation chair..." she cries harder. I clench my fists. She's right. I did. She has every right to hate me.  
"I'm so sorry." I lower my head. I can't break down now. I have to be the strong one, for Rey.  
"Snoke will take you from me, like he did before."  
"No! Never." I move over to her and put a hand on her trembling shoulder. "Never, Rey. That will never happen."

She puts her head up, her face streaked with tears. "Can you please grab me some tissues?" She points towards her bag on the food table.   
I jump off the bed and reach the table in two long strides. I search through the bag. The things inside are all dry, her clothes as well as the tissues she's brought with her.  
I grin. "Your clothes all dried," I tease her, then smile when I hear her laugh behind me. I grab the roll of tissue and an extra towel, then go back to the bed.

Rey takes the tissues and wipes at her face. "I'm sorry," she says, her voice still shaky from the sobbing. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

I dry my feet with the towel then get back onto the bed.  
"Can we lay down together?" she asks.  
"Yes." My shoulders relax. A little rest is exactly what we both need.  
'Can we lay down together... undressed?' Rey says into my thoughts.

I glance over at her. Did she just say undressed? She has a defiant look on her face, her lips pursed, her cheeks even more red as she waits for my reply.  
I swallow hard. "Yes. If you want to."  
She turns her back to me. "You get undressed first."

My pulse races as I pull my pants down and climb under the blankets to cover myself up. Her back's turned to me and I'm guessing it's because she'd rather have me covered up, while undressed.

When I stop moving she turns around. I lay onto my back, putting my hands behind my head. She glares at me, as though waiting for something.  
"Oh..." I turn onto my side and look out towards the dark entrance of the cave so she can get undressed. I listen to each movement Rey makes behind me, her pulling her shirt over her head, the blankets rustling as she crawls over to me and gets under the covers, her soft sigh behind me as she settles in.

A touch on my shoulder startles me. Rey laughs lightly, then smooths her hand over my back. I stifle a moan, closing my eyes.  
"Jakku doesn't have a practice of marriage ceremonies," she whispers behind me. "But I always knew my parents were married." She stops rubbing my back. "I think I always knew we weren't originally from Jakku."

There is a silence for a moment as I think about her words.  
"My parents were married too," I say softly. I climb out from under the sheets, pulling away from Rey, and lower down to the floor to get my pants. I check the pockets.  
"Ben?" Rey says from the bed, which is too high up for her to see what I'm doing. I grab the box in my pants pocket and remove the ring, grasping it in my hand tight. It pinches my palm. 

I get up on my knees at the side of the bed, which covers me from the waist down, and lean forward onto my elbows, to be closer to Rey. She has a curious look in her eyes, the blankets pulled up to her chin.  
"Rey?" I say.  
"Yes?"

How do I put this? I take another slow breath before continuing. "To me, we were married the moment you looked into my soul and saw my deepest and darkest secret in the interrogation room, that I was afraid I'd never be as strong as my grandfather." I clench the ring tighter in my hand. "I knew I'd never find anyone else like you. I knew you were the only one."

Rey sits up, lowering the blanket from her chin but still holding it close. I open my palm and the ring glows into the dim light of the cave. Rey gasps. My heart pounds.   
She reaches for the ring, her hand trembling, but I take her hand so I can put the ring on her finger.

'I promise I'll never leave you' I say to Rey's thoughts, sliding the ring onto her finger. She smiles through her tears, which run down her face. She lifts her hand to look at the ring.  
"No wonder the mechanics wanted to measure my finger," she says. "They said it was for a new glove they were working on as a weapon for the battle, but when I asked your mom about it she said she hadn't heard anything about that."  
I laugh and she does too.  
"Your knees must hurt," she says. "Come back up."

I look down then back up again. She raises an eyebrow. I groan inwardly and start to stand.  
"Here." She tosses me the towel from the bedside table then turns her back to me again so I can get up without embarrassing myself.

Rey holds up her left hand, admiring the ring while I dry my knees and feet and get back into bed. I catch a glimpse of her lower back and bottom when I lift the blankets to get under them. She turns around suddenly and I freeze, keeping my eyes on her face so I won't look down. She presses her lips to mine and pulls away, too quickly for me to kiss her back, but my lower half reacts instantly anyway.

"That was my gift," she says, snuggling the blankets around us. "I was just too nervous to give it to you earlier." She cuddles up to me, her arms in front of her breasts, protecting them as she nestles into my arms. We lay down together and I turn my hips away so I don't surprise her with anything unexpected. Her skin is warm and smooth to the touch. I run my hand over her back and she sighs. Her breathing slows and eyes close. She must be so exhausted after the day's events, the families arriving, the message from Dukath, the ride over to Yavin_4.

I continue rubbing her back gently until she falls asleep. I lay awake, listening to the dripping of the water all around. I don't want to sleep and miss a second of holding Rey. The drips and drops are like little notes of music playing at our private wedding ceremony.


	62. Yavin_4 - Part 3: Lightning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The following chapter contains sexual content

The only sound in the cave is that of Rey's breathing. She woke me, from a sleep I don't remember falling into, with her kisses and climbed into my lap, straddling me. Her hair now falls forward and her eyes are closed as she seems to concentrate while sitting on me, completely undressed . The heat in my lap begins to burn, then ache. 

Rey moves her hair aside, her skin glistening with sweat. Her every movement makes her breasts move also and I can't seem to look away. Thunder rumbles through the cave walls from outside. I imagine how the sky must look right now, ablaze with lightning.

Rey smiles down at me and circles her hips, making me moan. She's so soft, so warm, so burning hot, moving like the waves of Ahch-To. My body breaks out in a sweat. I grasp her hips in my hands and lift my knees up. She leans back onto them, pushing her chest out.

It's all too much. I sit up and pull her against me. Our bellies touch and she lets out a small cry. Now I'm moving too, in sync with her, her breasts pushing up against my chest.

"Oh... Ben!" she cries out, her nails digging into my shoulders. I grasp the back of her head and kiss her deeply as my body releases. She whimpers, then pulls away from the kiss and throws her head back in one final gasp of pleasure. Then she falls forward, collapsing onto my chest and breathing heavily. I'm not sure if I should move yet or just stay still.   
"I love you," I whisper.  
"I know," she says and I laugh softly.

"Ouch." She pushes me down onto the bed and sits up, cringing as she climbs off of me. I stifle a moan as she pulls away, taking her heat with her, and drops down onto the bed, pulling the blankets over her head.   
"Rey?" I reach out for her. "Are you okay?"

Should I apologize? She was the one who climbed onto my lap when I woke, I just didn't have the self control to stop her.   
She doesn't say anything. Is she worried about what might happen now, with our Force energies?

Suddenly she throws the blanket off her head and gets up. "I need to go get cleaned up," she says, looking embarrassed.   
She climbs off the bed, taking the blanket along with her dragging it into the bathroom. I lay onto my back, sighing. I smile for a second, then frown.

"Rey?" I call to her, sitting up again.  
"Yes?" she replies from behind the curtain.  
"I think my mom is on her way."

"What!"  
"She's... definitely on her way."  
"Right now?"  
"Yes, she'll be here soon. And I think she's bringing my Uncle Luke with her."


	63. Debriefing Part 1

The rain has stopped but the fresh scent of it still lingers in the air. I look up at the night sky, filled with stars. The light of the spacecraft heading down to Yavin_4 moves slowly closer. I squeeze Rey’s hand, the pinch of her ring making me smile as we wait in silence for my mom to arrive. I’m not a hundred percent sure Luke is with her, but he’s definitely back. I can sense him. It’s an old, familiar feeling from childhood. 

“Good thing you could sense your mom coming before she got here,” Rey says, also looking up.   
I did find it strange that I could sense her from so far away. She hasn’t even arrived yet and we’ve already had time to pack up our stuff. Her Force power feels a lot stronger.   
“Where do you think Master Luke’s been this whole time?” Rey asks.  
“I don’t know.” I watch the spacecraft approach, faster now and within the planet’s atmosphere. “I don’t think Snoke ever had him.”

A loud rushing sound like wind fills the forest as the shuttle lands in a nearby clearing. I squeeze Rey’s hand again. 'Are you ready for this?'  
'Don’t worry. Your mother’s amazing. I don’t think she’ll be upset that we’re… unofficially married.'  
'It’s official to me' I smile at Rey. 'But I meant my Uncle Luke. He’s my old Jedi Master and he’s pretty strict.'  
Rey hugs my arm. 'I think he’ll understand.'

The swaying tree tops settle down and the loud sounds stop, leaving the forest in peace again.  
We walk forward, our boots squishing in the mud. I shift my bag on my shoulder and sigh. How do I tell my mom and Uncle Luke that Rey and I are, as far as we’re concerned, married?

A memory surfaces from my thoughts as we make our way through the trees to the clearing, my mom’s words to me when I was little. ‘One day you’ll find someone special Ben, and then the need to fit in at school, or anywhere else, won’t seem to matter so much anymore.’

I didn’t believe I’d ever find someone though. I was too different, too scary. And I didn’t even want to try because I was afraid I’d end up hurting whomever it was, the way my grandfather hurt my grandmother. I look over at Rey who’s walking beside me. She’s strong, in some ways stronger than I am.

The slushing of our boots is drowned out by the loud hissing of the shuttle bay door as it opens. We stop in front of the ramp as it slowly lowers. At the top of the ramp stands my mom beside Uncle Luke. He is dressed in black clothes and a dark grey cloak, not the sand coloured clothes I’d become accustomed to seeing him in when I was younger.

“Ben.” Mom smiles and Uncle Luke nods to us. They walk down the ramp and Mom gives me a hug. I have to lean down far to hug her back. When she lets me go I turn to my Uncle.

'You’re ready now' he says, giving me a quick hug as well. 'You had to pass your greatest test, before I could see you again, your inner hatred and despair, and giving up the desire for ultimate power, to work together with us to bring peace to the Galaxy.'  
His glance turns to Rey and he extends a hand in greeting to her.   
“We meet again,” he says, out loud this time.

She smiles and takes his hand to shake it. “It’s wonderful to see you again Master Luke.”  
“You brought me back my light saber…” Uncle Luke says, reaching into his robe pockets. “And now I have brought one for you.” He hands her a light saber and gives me another. 

Rey’s ignites in her hand with a bright purple glow. “Now, we’re ready to restore balance to the Galaxy.”  
Mom smiles at him and Rey retracts her light saber. The air crackles with energy around the four of us, all highly Force sensitive, standing together in one spot. The energy is so strong that my skin breaks out in goosebumps. Each of our Force energies seem to balance in strength.   
I look at my Mom. “Mom?” My eyebrows shoot up. 

A crack of lightning splits the sky on the horizon and we all turn to look, except for Mom. She crosses her arms and smiles.  
You’re using your Force powers? I say to her.  
'I am' she nods to me then looks at Rey and winks.

“We’re ready now,” she says. “It’s time for us to fulfill our destiny.”


	64. debriefing Part 2

Rey's hair hangs in loose waves around her shoulders. Whenever she wears it out like that now, it will always now remind of how we made love for the first time.  
I hear my name and quickly turn my attention back to the meeting. Mom's at the head of the round table in the meeting room aboard the Resistance Capital Starship. Everyone from the Base is on board and the families were sent home a day early.

"The crystal beam should reach Ahch-To in a few days," Mom says. "Fortunately it can't travel at light speeds and Hux is unaware that we were pre-warned about this possible threat," she glances at me and nods. "And that we were on the lookout for it." She nods to Chewbacca.

Finn sits silently a few seats down from Rey and me. He doesn't interrupt with any questions and has been uncharacteristically quiet since he spotted the ring on Rey's ring finger.  
Mom noticed it too, before the meeting started, and congratulated us. "We'll have a little celebration after the war," she whispered as the others got settled into their seats.

BB-8's head turns left and right, swaying her body off balance on my knees. I get a better hold of her. There weren't any extra chairs in the small conference room and she wanted to be closer to me and Rey, so now I'm holding her in my lap. Rey's sitting beside me, her hand resting on BB-8 as she listens to Mom's debriefing. The ring on her finger glistens.

"We're working on a way to deflect the crystal beam before it reaches Ahch-To," Mom continues. "The wildlife both in and out of the water are still at risk." She pulls up a star chart holograph with the push of a few buttons. "We've confirmed Snoke's vessel to be in the Barsa Sector of the Quadrant Seven star system. Rey, Ben and myself will confront him on his ship with a small team of Resistance fighters, while the fleet carries out a fabricated attack on the First Order fleet. We need to make it look like a sincere attack on their forces, while still keeping our flight crews safe. We don't actually need to destroy them-"  
"Then why attack?" Connor asks.  
"To make Snoke think it's a legitimate attack on our part, and that he's winning against us..." Mom glances at me for a moment. "The three of us will coerce Snoke into going to Ahch-To, where Luke will be waiting for him."

I frown. How will we coerce Snoke? He's not easily coerced. He's usually the one doing all the coercing. Mom continues on. She'll likely explain the rest to us privately. We're having a private meeting with her and Luke after the debriefing. I glance over at Rey. Her eyes looked glazed over as she watches Mom point out the fake attack strategy to the fleet commanders.  
I set my hand over hers and she turns to me.

'What are you thinking about?' I ask her.  
She looks forward again, grinning now. 'The surprised look on your face when you woke up this morning.'  
I groan inwardly. I shouldn't have asked. Now I"m thinking about the surprise I woke up to this morning, Rey completely undressed and kissing me.

"Come on BB-8," I whisper, lifting her up. "You're too heavy." I set her down onto the floor as gently as possible, not wanting to disturb the meeting but Mom is already dismissing everyone.

Finn is the first one out the door. Rey doesn't seem to notice and I'm glad, even if I do feel a bit sorry for the guy.  
"Can I show you my new star projection database I got updated?" BB-8 beeps. "I can project one thousand new star systems! Including the Barsa Sector where Snoke's star ship is."  
Rey leans down to her. "Sure," she says. "But first Ben and I have a meeting with the General and Master Luke."  
"But you just had a meeting now."  
"Yes, but this one's even more important."

BB-8's head drops.  
"After the meeting we'll look at the stars, okay BB-8?" Rey says.  
"Okay." She rolls back and forth slowly. "Finn says when two people get married they stop being friends with everybody else."  
"What?" Rey glances up at me then back at BB-8. "That's not true at all. How about the three of us meet at my quarters after this session with the General and you can project some of your new star systems for us?"  
"Okay! Then Finn can come too?"

Rey hesitates for a second. "Of course. If he wants to."  
"I'll go ask him!" BB-8 speeds away, moving easily on the carpeted floor. Rey straightens and crosses her arms.  
"I have a feeling you might not like your mom's plan for taking down Snoke," she says, not looking at me.  
"Why?" I ask.  
"Because she wants Snoke to take me hostage so you can bargain for my freedom in exchange for information of the whereabouts of the red light saber. To make it seem legit."  
"What!"

She's right. I don't like that plan at all.


	65. Love And  War

"No." I say for the third time. Rey has an angry look on her face, her eyes flashing as she defies all my protests. We're in the mess hall getting a snack and Rey is in her night clothes. It's the crew's night time on their sleep schedule and the Starship moves through space, on its way towards Quadrant Seven.  
"It's a good plan," Rey says. 

I pretend not to listen anymore. We've been arguing about this since the meeting and I refuse to argue anymore. I look out across the mess hall, lit in low lighting to conserve energy during the off hours. It's peaceful this way, with no one else here, except that our fight is anything but peaceful.

"Any plan that puts you in danger is not a good plan Rey," I say, despite myself.  
"We're all in danger on this mission, Ben. How else will we tell Snoke about the red sword and get him to go for it? 'Hey Snoke, the red light saber is in the catacombs, we freely wanted to share that information with you. Now go ahead and get it'? He'll know it's a trap."  
"We'll just have to find another way," I say.   
Damn, I'm participating in the fight again.

"Ben..." Rey's tone becomes softer and she reaches up to touch my face. I pull away but then instantly regret it. The hurt in her expression makes me feel terrible. I gather her into a hug, but she's tense and won't let me hug her.  
"Can we think about it overnight?" I say. "And reconsider in the morning?"  
She nods.

"Why do you want to do this Rey?" I ask, letting my arms fall away from her.  
She shakes her head. "I just want this to be over already. As long as Snoke is still out there..." she swallows hard and doesn't reply. Is she still worried he'll take me away again? I touch her arm and she relaxes finally. I let out a slow breath. We're on a different sleep schedule than the crew so we already had our sleep on Yavin_4, only 3 hours ago, or at least we had some sleep.

"Did you want something to eat?" I ask her.  
"I'm not hungry anymore," she says softly.  
"Chocolate?" Thanks to BB-8 I now know that Rey loves chocolate.  
Rey shakes her head.  
I sigh. Why did I start a fight with her? It's my mom I should be fighting with about this crazy plan.

Rey steps towards me and wraps her arms around my ribs, hugging me tight. I rest my chin lightly on her head and return the hug. I don't even want her to come on this mission at all. I don't want her anywhere near Snoke. But when I brought that up earlier she got really upset, saying that there was no way she wasn't coming.

I rub her back gently and look at all the empty tables sitting in the shadows. The dim lighting has a purple hue to it, making me think of our new light sabers.  
"Do you think there's a fight practice room on board?" I ask.

Rey pulls back and her eyes light up. "It's a Capital Starship," she says. "There must be some training rooms!" A smile grows on her face.  
"I won't let you win you know," I tease her.  
"You won't have to," she says in return, a challenging look in her eyes. My fingers find their way into her hair, which I can't resist any longer. Rey closes her eyes at my touch. "Don't try and distract me," she moans.

I lean down to brush my lips over hers and she pulls away.  
"Is that how you plan to win?" she says, her voice husky. "Because it's not going to work."  
"Is that a challenge?" I grab her by the arm before she can run. She squeals and tries to get free of my grasp but I hold her fast.  
"Not fair, you're taller," she says between clenched teeth. "Let me go."  
"No." I pull her against me.

She grips me in a Force hold that makes me let go of her. My throat feels tight. She's strong. But I think I know how to disarm her now. I look down the opening of her sleeping gown at the soft skin of her chest, then send my thoughts to her. She gasps, releasing me from her Force hold instantly.

I reach out and sweep her up into my arms, tucking my hands under her bottom to lift her up high. Her legs wrap around me, sending a heat rushing through my body. My lips are right at her ear now so I kiss her neck, then suck. She cries out. the sound is so arousing that I almost drop her. Did it feel good? Or did I hurt her?  
'Pain? Or Pleasure?' I ask.  
'Both...'  
She lets me feel her excitement using our Force connection and a wave of pleasure washes over me. I set her down onto the nearest counter top.

"Are you trying to disarm me?" I ask, climbing up onto the counter top with her and pinning her arms down on either side of her. She's about to answer but I stop her with a kiss. She squirms, trying to free herself but I put her in a gentle Force hold and kiss her harder.  
'Let me go...'  
I ignore her plea, because I know she's enjoying it since she's sending me all of her sensual feelings and it's driving me insane  
"Rey stop... " I break away from our kiss, breathing hard. "Stop showing me what you feel..." She's breathing hard too. My lips are near her neck again so I start kissing her there, working my way down to her collar bone. I've already let go of my Force hold on her, without even noticing when I did it, but I keep her arms pinned down. She's not fighting me anymore but pressing her chest up instead, towards my mouth.

The lights flicker and the ship drops out of warp drive so abruptly that we roll off the counter.  
I hit the floor with a thump and Rey lands somewhere to my left.

"Are you okay?" I say. The low hum of the ship's engines starts up again and the ship jumps back into warp drive.  
"I'm fine," Rey says, her cheeks flushed red. "How about we save that... for after the war," she says.  
"Good idea."

"Rey!" BB-8 comes rolling into the mess hall and Rey adjusts her night gown. "You were supposed to come tell me when you were ready to see the stars, after you got into your night clothes."  
"Oh! BB-8" Rey's eyes go wide. "I'm so sorry. Ben and I were... just getting a snack."  
"Will we still have time to look at them now?" BB-8 asks. "It's already late."  
"We have all night," Rey says, putting her arms around BB-8.  
"Did you forget about me because you're married now?" she beeps.

Rey looks at me.  
"No," I say in reply. "We'd never forget about you BB-8."  
BB-8 turns her head in my direction then rolls out of Rey's arms to come over to me.  
"I can show you the stars of Yavin_4," she says.  
I smile. "I'd enjoy that."  
BB-8 beeps her happy beep and Rey and I get up to follow her out of the mess hall. I take Rey's hand in mine as we walk out together.


	66. The Away Team - Part 1

"I'd like to go with the Away Team," Finn says to Mom, stopping us from getting into the elevator. We're on our way to the launch bay to get into our shuttle and start the mission. The X-Wing fighters have already been dispatched to prepare for the faux attack.

Rey stands at my side. We're in our new uniforms, mostly black with dark grey accents. Mom is in her General's uniform and we're headed to see Snoke, under the pretense of a negotiations talk. Our fleet attack is to be considered as a retaliation to Hux's crystal weapon attack on Ahch-To.

"You're not on the Away Team for this mission," I say to Finn. I push the elevator button again and the door opens.  
Finn ignores me. "General," he says to Mom. "I'm well trained as an ex-Stormtrooper."  
I'm about to interject but then decide to let Mom deal with it. The elevator door closes again.

"I know the layout of the First Order ships-" Finn continues.  
"As does Ben." Mom puts a hand on Finn's shoulder. "But I appreciate your enthusiasm to help." She's a lot more patient than I am, and that's what makes her a great leader.  
"General, with all due respect," Finn persists, "I'd like to be present at this negotiations talk to protect Rey... in case Snoke gets into Kylo's head again."   
I turn to Finn and grab him in a choke hold to shut him up.  
"You're the one getting into everyone's head," I growl. "Your distrust and questioning of other team members. That's why you're not on the Away Team."

"Ben..." Rey touches my arm and I let Finn go. He looks like he wants to kill me.  
"Finn," Mom says. "You're not coming with us. It's already been decided. We need all the X-Wing pilots we can get, especially one with your shooting expertise."  
She's being way too nice. Finn clenches his jaw, his face turning dark red. He turns sharply and, with Stormtrooper precision, marches off.

Mom and Rey let out a sigh of relief once he's gone.  
"You're right Ben," Mom says, pushing the elevator button again. "We don't need any doubting thoughts on this mission."  
I nod, Snoke will exploit any weaknesses he can, especially doubt. 

The elevator doors slide open and I wait for Mom and Rey to step in before I do, then I enter and we make our way down. Now Finn's words have put a seed of doubt inside of me and I can't seem to shrug it off. What if Snoke gets the better of us somehow? He always seems to find a way to get to someone's deepest insecurities. I rub my face with my hands. I have to stop thinking about it.

"Are you okay?" Rey whispers to me. I nod, remembering her words from last night, 'I just want this to be over already.' I clench my fists, wishing we could simply obliterate Snoke with one blast of our combined Force power. But it's not that simple. He can't die, or I will. But he can be locked away, for eternity.

My stomach drops as the elevator comes to a stop. It's time to face Snoke again, and hopefully this will be the last time.

* * *

"Well done Kylo," Snoke says to me. "You've brought your own mother too. How generous of you." He's playing games as usual, only this time he can't get into my head and he knows it. It disgusts me to think that I ever followed him and became his apprentice. He took advantage of my childhood insecurities, my inner battles. But now I'm no longer just a lost boy who believes he has no other destiny than the Dark side.

Snoke sits on his throne ahead of us on the other end of a bridge path that runs across a hollow drop down to the warp drive core of the ship. One false step and you're falling to your death. I stand slightly in front of Rey, not wanting her anywhere near the edge.

"You won't win this time," I say to Snoke, clenching my light saber in my hand.  
"Won't I?" Snoke grins and his confidence makes me want to slash him to pieces.  
"We're here to negotiate," Mom says in a diplomatic tone. Snoke ignores her, looking at Rey.  
"He's betrayed you before," he says to her. "He'll do it again."

"You're a liar," I yell. "Everything that comes out of your mouth is a lie. Today you'll speak your last words."  
Snoke wrings his gnarled up fingers but doesn't look at me. "We'll see," he says.

The plan is to get him angry and Rey will pretend to be weak and turn to him. Then we bargain for her release with information about the red light saber's location. But I don't agree with the plan.  
"We'll tell you where the red light saber is," I say to Snoke.

Mom and Rey gasp and my stomach clenches. I've ruined the original plan, but this will still work.  
"If you stop the crystal beam headed for Ahch-To," I add. "I'll tell you where the sword is."  
Snoke seems to consider this. "You would give back the sword? To save those crumbling ruins?" he says.

Footsteps approach behind us.  
"Supreme Leader."   
I glance over my shoulder. It's Hux. So he is alive then.  
He ignores me. "A Resistance fleet is preparing for an attack against us."

Snoke waves his hand at him. "Let them attack."  
"But Your Leadership-"  
"Aim the crystal weapon at them and disable their ships so they can't fly away. Then destroy them all."  
"No!" Rey cries out.

Finn is one of the pilots in the fleet, and once again, Snoke has got the better of us.


	67. The Away Team - Part 2

“Wait!” Mom says. “Ben was telling the truth. We’re willing to give you the location of the sword, in exchange for the crystal weapon.”  
Snoke laughs out loud, his throat gurgling in a disgusting way. His laugh turns into a cough.  
“Go,” he commands Hux once he's done with his hacking. “Kill them all.”  
“No!” Rey says. “I’ll join you. Anything you want. Just don’t destroy the fleet.”

A silence falls over the room. Is Rey trying to carry out our original plan of pretending to join Snoke?  
“Belay that order," Snoke says to Hux. "For now. Disable the ships but don't destroy them.”  
Hux opens his mouth to say something but then shuts it again.  
“Go on then,” Snoke says.  
Hux nods then leaves.

“You’ll join me, will you?” Snoke smiles at Rey and my hand goes out in front of her.  
“We’ll give you the red light saber,” I say. “The all-powerful sword. It’s what you want isn’t it?”  
“Perhaps.” Snoke curls his fingers at Rey. “But perhaps I want more. Come forward child.”  
Rey doesn’t move.

Snoke tilts his chin down and glares at her with menace in his eyes. “I get you, in exchange for the safety of the fleet. Is that not the agreement?”  
My heart races. I knew Snoke would twist everything around.  
“The young man,” Snoke continues. “The Stormtrooper that left us, to go find you. He’s one of the pilots in the fleet, is he not?”  
“He didn’t leave the First Order to find Rey,” I say, unable to help it. I'm letting him get under my skin.  
“He was destined for her Kylo, not you,” Snoke says. “To give her children. Twin boys if I’m not mistaken.”  
Rey gasps.

“That’s not true,” I yell.  
“Quiet.” Snoke locks me in a choke hold and Mom raises her hand.  
'I’m fine' I tell her. 'Don’t use your powers yet.'  
She lowers her hand. We agreed she wouldn’t reveal her abilities to Snoke unless absolutely necessary.  
“Now, as I was saying.” Snoke turns his attention back to Rey. “Let me give you some fatherly advice, seeing that your own father is not around to give it to you.”

'Don’t listen to him Rey' I say to her thoughts, but I can’t tell if she hears me.  
“Kylo Ren will soil your destiny, your heritage as a princess. You’ve already broken the Jedi code by this senseless attachment to him, and it will bring only pain and suffering upon both of you.”  
Rey raises her hand at Snoke and my Force hold releases.  
Snoke smiles. “You’re strong. Join me then, and I’ll let the Stormtrooper live. And then maybe there can still a chance for you and him, and your future children. He would join with me in an instant, if you do.”  
“Never,” Rey says in a low voice.  
“As you wish. I’ll have the fleet destroyed.”  
Rey is about to answer when I stop her.

“You’re lying,” I say, suddenly remembering Connor’s conversation with Chewbacca after our debriefing yesterday. They were discussing how Chewbacca’s team discovered that all the crystals in the crystal weapon had been used up to target Ahch-To. They couldn’t have generated enough new synthetic crystals this fast for the weapon to be ready once again today. I can't be sure, but I call Snoke’s bluff.

“The crystal weapon is inoperable right now. There aren't enough synthesized crystals.” I step forward to the bridge, my light saber in my hand. What else is Snoke lying about? Could he be lying about me dying if he does? Is it a risk I’m willing to take in order to find out? If I had no doubts about our deaths not being connected, I’d kill him instantly.

“You will all drown in the oceans of Ahch-To, even this very day,” Snoke says. His had twitches. I’ve irritated him. Good. “I’ve just now foreseen it," he continues. He has to be lying. "A senseless death really. Unnecessary, when you could just join with me and avoid such a tragic fate.”  
“You’re lying,” I say.  
“My premonitions are never wrong. Your Uncle Luke is about to be buried in the catacombs of the Temple at any moment, on Ahch-To, place where you are hoping to lure me. Am I wrong?”

Mom and I exchange a glance.  
'He’s mixing truth with lies to confuse us,' I tell her.  
“The First Order is on its way now to destroy the Temple and sink it into the ocean.”  
“You can’t destroy it,” Rey says. “You’ll bury the red sword too. It’s there, in the catacombs.”  
Snoke doesn’t reply right away but only looks at her.

'I want to get Rey out of here,' I tell Mom. 'Snoke is too suspicious. He won’t go to Ahch-To. Not now. This isn’t working.'  
She answers, 'The crystal beam will reach Ahch-To in two days. After that we won’t be able to fly any ships on or off the planet, and we’ll never be able to bury Snoke. We have to find a way to do this Ben. Now. This is our only chance.'

“Bring Hux,” Snoke says to one of the Stormtroopers stationed at the door. Our Away Team Resistance fighters that came with us were immediately disarmed upon arrival and taken away. Probably to be killed.  
“You want to save your Force Sensitive friend," Snoke says to Rey. "Luke Skywalker. And so you’re lying to me about the red sword. No matter. I won’t waste fire power on the Resistance fleet. We will aim all our resources at FN2187’s fighter plane.”

“I’m not lying!” Rey yells. She pushes her hand forward. “I’ll show you!”  
“Rey, no!” I cry out, but it’s too late. Rey and Snoke are locked in thought. He can no longer control my mind and he could never reach Rey’s thoughts, without a connection through me for some reason, as long as she kept up her walls.  
“Yes.” Snoke smiles. “I see it. So it is true.”

I look to Mom. 'We have to stop him.'  
She nods and we focus our Force energies forward. Snoke glances at Mom, then pulls out a large crystal that glows dark blue. He sets it onto his lap then turns his attention back to Rey. “You’ve seen the sword and where it’s been contained. It's under a spell that can't be broken. But Luke can do that for me. I have my ways.”

'Don’t think about the mission' I try to communicate to Rey, but she’s lost to me now.

Mom is trying harder to affect Snoke and I do too. But he’s impenetrable somehow. He sets the dark blue crystal on the arm rest of his throne.  
“Stop,” Rey says between clenched teeth. Tears stream down her face.

“I see... how disgraceful... You’ve already been soiled by Kylo,” he says. “At a cave… on Yavin_4.”

A sick feeling settles into the pit of my stomach. But now I can’t move, or speak. Snoke runs his contorted fingers over the blue crystal, searching Rey's thoughts.  
“Your grandfather warned you to stay away from Kylo Ren,” he continues. “But you’ve ruined yourself now. Dukath would be so disappointed in you, if he were still alive. He would strip you of your heritage and disown you.”

I see the pain on Rey’s face and it grips my heart.  
'Don’t listen to him Rey.' Mom tries to reach her. She too is unable to speak.   
We should have never come here. The large blue crystal in Snoke’s hand is either giving him more power, or incapacitating us.

“You’ve mistaken your dark desires for love," Snoke says, enjoying his torment of Rey. "And now you have done what is forbidden, an unlawful union, with a Sith Lord no less, the very leader of the Knights of Ren. And for that, you will suffer greatly.”

Rey’s face crumbles into sobs but she still can’t move to cover her face.  
“Come here my child,” Snoke beckons her. “What a mess you’ve become, how dark and twisted. You’ve ruined everything that your parents wanted for you. They are alive. But they won't want you back now.”  
Rey continues to walk forward, still crying.

'Rey…'

“Supreme Leader,” Hux says behind me again. “You asked for me?”   
I want to turn around and kill him, with my bare hands, but I'm locked by Snoke. There must be a way to disarm him of that dark blue crystal.  
Rey steps onto the narrow bridge.

'Rey, stop!'

“Belay the order to destroy the Temple, for now,” Snoke says to Hux, his eyes still on Rey. “There’s something I want form Ahch-To first.”  
“Yes, Your Supreme Leadership.”  
“Give a new order to the fleet commanders. Find FN2187’s Fighter plane and have it destroyed.”

Hux gives the order to Phasma who I only now realize is also behind me. I hear her footsteps retreating.  
“Take Kylo and his mother to the special chambers we have prepared for them,” Snoke says to Hux.  
“Gladly.” Hux walks over to me with a smirk on his face. He holds up a shining dark blue crystal in front of my eyes. “Meet your worst nightmare, Ren.”

He pushes the crystal against my chest and I cry out in pain, a pain unlike any I’ve ever felt before. It shoots into my body, to my very core.  
I hear Mom cry out too.   
Stormtroopers carry her away, the light of another dark blue crystal in their hands. Hux waves other Stormtroopers over, to come for me. Then he presses the crystal harder into my chest and everything goes black.


	68. Breaking Out

I wake in a glowing blue room. The bars of my cell are lined with blue crystal and so is the floor. Mom is unconscious in the cell beside me, the bars that separate us are aglow with energy. I try to sit up but the crystal beneath me makes my bones ache.

"Mom?" I say. She doesn't wake. I look towards the cell door. There are two Stormtroopers stationed by the entrance down the hall.  
Why isn't Rey here with us? What plans does Snoke have for her?

I close my eyes, wishing I had the strength to cry. I've always admired how Rey could so honestly cry when her heart ached.  
'Father, what do I do?'  
I wait, but there is no reply. 

What could we have done differently? I think back to the mess hall, to last night when Rey and I were arguing. She would have never let me come and face Snoke without her, no matter what I said. Maybe I could have put a sedative in her drink and had her sleep through this battle, safely back on the Resistance Starship. But she'd never forgive me for doing that. Why does she have to be so brave? So honourable?

Snoke's words got to her. He was lying about her and Finn's destiny, he had to be. He was just trying to get to me, to make me doubt my decision to marry her, and make her doubt her decision to want me as the father of her children. Or maybe he wasn't lying. If Finn had a fair chance, and I'd never taken Rey hostage that first time on Takodana when I wanted information about the map, then would they be together now? The thought is too much to bear.

The familiar sound of BB-8's ball rolling over a smooth surface pulls me out of my thoughts.  
"BB-8?" I whisper.  
She comes into my vision, rolling up to the two Stormtroopers at the end of the hall. They look down at her.

"Is this one of our droids?" one of them asks. The other shrugs. BB-8 rolls past them towards my cell.  
"Hey!" the Stormtrooper yells. "Sto-!" A phaser blast to his chest cuts off his words and he flies into the opposite wall. The other Stormtrooper turns to face where the blast came from but he's too slow and is also hit.   
Finn runs around the corner and steps over the unconscious Stormtroopers. I never thought I'd be so glad to see FN2187 in all my life.

* * *

"You're heavy," Finn grunts as he drags me across the blue floors. I resist the urge to tell him to hurry up. He's doing the best he can. He pulls me out of the cell and I roll onto my side.  
"My mom..." I say in a hoarse whisper.  
"What?" Finn asks.  
"Get the General."  
"Oh." Finn opens the doors of the next cell, having no effects at all from the blue crystal lining. But why didn't it affect Snoke, when he touched it?

I watch as Finn lifts Mom up into his arms and carries her out. It's a good thing she's little. Then a horrible thought hits me. Is she too weak to have survived so much crystal exposure? 

Finn sets her down gently against the wall outside of the cell. I crawl over and take her hand.  
"Mom?"   
I breathe a sigh of relief when I feel a faint pulse.  
BB-8's gears startle me and I jump, my adrenaline now pumping. We're still too close to the blue cell doors, but my strength is already returning now that I'm no longer touching it. 

BB-8 watches us from a distance. I open my arm out for her to join us and she rolls over to me.  
"Where's Rey?" she beeps as I put my arm around her.  
"I don't know," I say.  
BB-8 lets out a high beep of concern.  
"She was in the throne room at the center of the ship the last time we saw her," I say.  
"Can we go see if she's still there?" BB-8 asks.

Finn is already running ahead of us.  
"Finn!" I call after him. Mom opens her eyes at my yell.  
Finn stops at the end of the hall and looks back.  
"We have to stick together," I tell him. He looks around the corner then returns. Mom sits up, holding her head in her hand.  
"What happened?" she says, her voice scratchy.  
"The dark blue crystal, it makes our Force powers weak," I say. "And we're highly sensitive to it."

She glances to the left, squinting at the glow of the cell doors.  
"Where's Rey?" she asks.  
"That's what we need to find out," Finn says.   
Mom looks up at him. "Finn, I thought you were flying an X-Wing on this mission," she says.  
"Sorry Ma'am. I disobeyed a direct order." He looks at BB-8. "It was BB-8's idea."

Mom shakes her head. "Well, for once I'm glad." She starts to get up slowly and I reach out to help. "Let's go find my daughter-in-law."  
Her words are like a small stab to my heart. I can't stop thinking about all that Snoke said. I look over at Finn. He's wearing Poe's jacket again, a serious expression on his face. If we find Rey and free her, I'll let Finn go to her first. He's the one who saved us on this mission. She can see him as the hero and decide if being married to me is what she really wants.

"Can you walk?" Finn asks, reaching a hand out to me.  
"Yes." I get up. My legs are a little shaky but I'm getting stronger again. Finn and I help Mom get to her feet. She waves us away.  
"I'm fine," she insists.  
"We should hurry," Finn says, holding his blaster to his chest, which looks as though it was probably stolen from a Stormtrooper. "I know a short-cut."


	69. Breaking Out - Part 2

We walk through the narrow passage lined with pipes and electrical wires. Finn leads the way to the ship's core. My strength has returned now and Mom seems a lot better too. We move fast, the heat of the core reactor reaching down through the long passageway to us. I wipe the sweat off my brow.

"Almost there," Finn says in a loud whisper over his shoulder. I'm grateful to him. He knows the layout of the service areas on the ship that I'm unfamiliar with. We've avoided all the guards above and will come out at the warp core, at the bottom of the drop from the throne room.

Finn steps into the core reactor chamber first. He wipes his forehead, the bright light from the reactor bathing him in white. I squint ahead. The warp core is massive. I look up and see the pathway bridge between the throne and the entrance up high. It's impossible to hear anything over the loud hum of the warp core.  
Finn waves his hand at me, trying to get my attention. He points to a metal ladder leading upwards. I rush over and start to climb.

The ladder goes up so far that I can't even see to the top of it. I look down again. Finn is making his way up after me. I jump off to the side. He gives me a questioning look. I point up. "You go first," I say, although I don't think he can hear me, but he gets what I'm saying. BB-8 bumps my leg. I lean down and scoop her up into my arms. "Can you hold onto me?" I ask her.

She nods and extends some clasps from her doors, then clips the fabric of my shirt tight. Finn is already far up ahead. I grasp the ladder with both hands and start to climb. Mom follows after me and we continue on in silence, my heart beating faster with each rung I climb. Rey has to be okay, she has to be.  
Finn slows near the top, looking over his shoulder at the throne room entrance. We are directly beneath the passageway. He gives me the quiet signal with his hand. As I near him at the top I begin to hear voices.

"We tried, Your Supreme Leadership..." Hux says.  
"It's made of stone is it not?" Snoke asks. "Then open it!"

BB-8 weighs heavy on me as I hang onto the ladder, waiting. I can feel the dark blue crystal energies again. There's more up there somewhere.  
"Don't say anything," I whisper to BB-8.

"We tried everything," Hux says from above. "It's under some kind of spell."  
"And Skywalker?"  
"He wasn't there."  
"Enough!" Snoke yells, then begins to cough. "Must I do everything? How soon before the crystal beam reaches Ahch-To?"  
"About two days, Your Supreme Leadership. Had we known the sword was there-"  
"It's enough time."

I look up, past Finn, but I can't see Snoke's throne because of the bridge right above us.  
"Girl..." he snarls. "Tell me how I can get the red light saber out of the tomb."  
"I don't know." It's Rey. She speaks with much effort, sounding weak. She's alive and she's still up there.  
"Shall I search your thoughts further?" Snoke says.  
"You won't find the answer," Rey replies. "All I know is that it was sealed by the Force and can only be opened using the Force."  
"Then I'll do it myself."

I take deep breaths as I wait, my palms sweating. I look down to see how Mom is doing. She's holding on.  
"Go!" Snoke commands in a loud voice. "Prepare my ship." He's now speaking from halfway across the bridge and I hear the shuffle of his walk.  
"What about her?" Hux says.  
"She's more trouble than she's worth," Snoke replies. "But I need her alive." He coughs again, before continuing. "If she goes to Ahch-To she will die there."  
"Shall I take her to the crystal prison cells?"

I catch a glimpse of Snoke's back as he walks towards the throne room doors. He's hunched over and moves slowly. I feel the familiar hate for him growing inside of me, then it's replaced by something else. He's nothing but a lonely, bitter old Sith Master, twisted with evil, finding pleasure only in the pain and suffering of others. But our plan is set into motion now. He's heading for Ahch-To, right where we want him.

The entrance door closes with a loud clang that echoes through the chamber. Then there is silence. Finn looks down at me and I nod for him to keep going. He continues up then stops, having trouble climbing over the bottom of the bridge path. I reach my hand out and use my Force energy to give him a boost. My other hand begins to slip. Finn gets over the side and I quickly grasp the ladder with my other hand again.

"Rey!" Finn says, sounding shocked. I climb faster. I can't pull myself up either once I reach the ledge, it's too slippery and there's nowhere to get a good grip.  
I feel my body rise and I look down. Mom has her arm outstretched towards me, lifting me up. I climb onto the bridge and set BB-8 down. She unclasps from me and I look up. In front of us is Finn, holding a limp Rey in his arms. She's covered in a shining blue outfit, metal straps clasped around her body. Finn is trying to remove them but can't seem to figure out how.

"Rey!" BB-8 beeps. She rolls over. I can feel the blue crystal's energy from where I am, the pain starting to settle into my bones again. I want to go to Rey, but don't know if I have the strength.  
"Kylo," Finn says. "Help me!"  
"Ben!" Mom calls up from below. I lean over the edge of the bridge and reach my arm down to her. She grabs my hand and I pull her up. We sit on the pathway, catching our breath.  
"I can help," BB-8 says. She takes out a small screwdriver and begins to unscrew the tiny hinges of the metal strap that's around Rey's wrist.

Mom puts a hand on my arm. "We need to move back," she says. "Away from the dark blue crystal."  
She's right. It's making me light headed and the bridge is dangerous. We get up and walk down the narrow path to the other side. I pull Mom into a hug.  
Don't worry Ben, she says to me. I believe it will all work out. You need to believe that too.

I watch Finn and BB-8 work together to remove each band around Rey. I let go of Mom. If Rey was meant to be with Finn then I won't stand in his way anymore. But in the end, it's her decision. I want to go help them, their progress seems so slow, but I can't. Finn removes another band around Rey's knee and ankle, his movements are unhurried and gentle. Rey watches him work with a glazed look in her eyes, her head resting on his shoulder. She's breathing heavily and I'm all too familiar with the pain she must be feeling. I clench my jaw, wishing she wasn't feeling that pain right now. Her head turns and she sees me.

"Ben?" she says. Finn and BB-8 remove the thick band around her waist and she crawls forward towards the bridge.  
"No, wait!" Finn says. She stops and tries to help him remove the bands faster, but then suddenly draws her hand back when it touches the blue crystal.

"Almost done," Finn says. He pushes the removed pieces over the edge and they fall down the steep drop. There's one left on her ankle and the moment it's off Rey kicks it over the edge too, then scrambles to get up. 

I run to her across the bridge, and slide onto my knees in front of her, throwing my arms around her waist. I don't care that Finn and Mom are watching. I bury my face in her chest and she wraps her arms around my head to hold me close. Then she lowers down and kisses me on the lips. I kiss her back and the ship rumbles. It's our love that makes us the strongest I realize, not the hate I always thought made me strong in the Force.

I cup Rey's face in my hands. "Rey. I love you. I don't want to lose you. I want to protect you forever."  
"We'll protect each other," she says.  
I shake my head, swallowing down the lump in my throat. "If you were meant to be with Finn then-"  
"You're the only one I'm going to be with Ben. I don't care what Snoke says. He's a liar. I know what my heart says, and it's that I love you." She hugs me and I close my eyes, savouring her warm embrace.

"Rey?" BB-8 beeps. "Are we done with the mission now?"  
Rey lets me go and turns back to BB-8. "We're not done yet," she says. "But as soon as we are, we're going to play that constellations game you liked so much, okay?"  
"With my new star chart holograms?"  
"Yes."  
"Okay!" BB-8 spins in a circle and Finn smiles. "Can Finn play this time?"  
"Yes, of course." Rey walks over to Finn and gives him a hug. "Thank you," she says to him. "For coming on the Away Team, even though we told you not to."  
He blinks, hugging her back, but can't seem to answer. She lets him go.   
Mom comes up behind me and for a second I'm worried that she'll fall off the narrow bridge. She takes my hand and Rey walks over to us and takes my other hand. Mom reaches for Finn and he joins us too, taking her other hand.

"We're almost there," Mom says. "I may not see into the future but I see the faces before me, those of the most powerful Jedi's in the Galaxy." Finn shifts his weight on his feet. "You too Finn. You're as brave as any Jedi I've known, and you'll join us on this final mission. We're going to take down Snoke once and for all."


	70. The Final Battle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the Eagle flies  
> The body of Rey lies  
> Awaiting the return  
> Of her soul, from the skies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: To my regular readers, please read to the very ‘end’ of this chapter before you break down in despair :P or go to the next one if you get too nervous while reading XP

“I heard Snoke!” Finn says, challenging Rey. “He said if you go to Ahch-To, you’ll die.”  
We’re orbiting Ahch-To, about to go down for a landing, but Finn is stalling at the controls.

Rey crosses her arms, the look in her eyes is making me nervous and I’m not even the one arguing with her.  
“I heard him too,” she says to Finn. “But I’m choosing not to listen.”  
“Maybe you should listen.”  
“You’re telling me to listen to Snoke?”  
“I’m telling you to stay alive!” Finn looks to me for back-up but I’m not getting involved.

“We’re stronger together,” Mom says.  
Suddenly a sick feeling washes over me. Mom and I exchange a glance. She feels it too.  
“Snoke’s got the sword,” I say to Rey and Finn.  
“What?” They say at the same time.  
“We have to go,” Mom says. Finn sighs and starts our decent. 

* * *

When we land on the Temple island Finn is the first one out of the spacecraft. I’d be more concerned about myself if I were him, than Rey. She’s a thousand times stronger than he is. Yet I can’t shake his words from moments ago. It only takes a little doubt to give Snoke the advantage, and somehow Finn always seems to find that bit of doubt and hang onto it.

I take Rey’s hand before she heads out of the ship.  
“Let’s do this together,” I say to her. I don’t add the rest of what I’m thinking, that if she dies, I will not live without her. She reaches up and gives me a quick kiss on the lips.  
"We'll end this today," she says, then we run out into the wind together. 

* * *

“He’s not down here,” Finn says from below in the catacombs.  
“Are you sure?” Mom calls over the rushing of the wind.  
“I feel him,” Rey says to me, a worried expression on her face. Or maybe it’s fear in her eyes. Was Finn right? Should she have stayed away? If she can feel Snoke then that means he can feel her too. Will he manipulate her again? She unclips her light saber from her belt and runs off ahead of me.

“Rey! Wait…” I run after her. “Finn,” I call over my shoulder, stopping for a second. He’s stepping up from the opening in the ground. “Stay here with the General.” I ignore the annoyed look he gives me and run after Rey. She’s fast, especially on stairs, running up an endless path that leads into the fog above. I take three stairs at a time, trying to catch up to her. The ocean rages below us, the waves reaching so high that they splash the steps, making them slippery.

'Rey… wait. Be careful,' I call to her. I can tell she’s not just going after Snoke, there’s something else driving her forward, a worry for Luke I think. She reaches the top before I do and a flash of light blinds me for a second. Rey cries out.

I hurry up the final steps and see Snoke, yielding the red light saber, fighting Luke, who looks injured. Snoke's not hunched over anymore, or even old looking. His eyes glow red and his full height is unnaturally tall as he swings his sword now at Rey. His face is no longer that of a twisted old man but rather the face of one of the Sith Lords I killed in order to strengthen the red sword, as though he's come back to life, in Snoke.  
Rey blocks his attack and Luke falls, weak from the battle that had been going on before we showed up.

Rey swings her light saber but Snoke forces her back with a wave of his hand and she goes flying. I stop her fall against the rocks with my Force energy.  
She looks at me and gives me the boost signal that we came up with during our training practice on Yavin_4. I nod to her and she runs ahead, charging at Snoke. She signals for the jump and I boost her up high. She goes flying into the air, bringing her light saber down hard toward Snoke’s head. He blocks the attack with his light saber and the two crystals spark against each other. Rey is thrown back. She slows her own fall this time and reaches out her hand to me. Snoke is distracted by Luke once again and I run to Rey, taking her hand.

'Let’s jump together and attack,' she says.  
I nod and we start to run full speed towards Snoke. Luke falls before him and he raises his red sword to finish Luke off.

Rey lets go of my hand and we jump up at the same time, raising our swords above our heads. With a loud cry I slash down just as Snoke turns. His light saber swings up and blocks my blow, but Rey’s hits his shoulder. He cries out and force blasts her away from him before she can cut his arm off. I fall too, landing hard on my back. My vision blurs for a second and then I see the red sword, coming down towards me.

It stops as Snoke freezes in mid attack. His red eyes glance past me, glowing with anger. I get up and look behind me. Mom is standing there with her arm outstretched, holding Snoke back. Finn runs to Luke, helping him up. Blood flows from his side.

Mom has Snoke in a Force hold but she can’t hold him off for long. I help her, then Rey is beside me too, doing the same thing. Snoke can’t move, his red eyes looking from Rey, to me, then Mom. For a second I see a moment of doubt cross his face.

The cry of the Eagle above us pierces through the rushing sounds of wind and waves. My muscles relax. The Eagle's thoughts enter mine, like a message I immediately understand, but not in words. I reach for Rey’s hand and close my eyes. She clasps my hand tight and thunder rumbles around us, shaking the ground. I open my eyes again. Dark clouds gather above.

“You will die today,” Snoke says to Rey, pushing back against our hold. Mom’s strength wavers but Rey holds strong. The wind picks up speed, whipping dust and debris all around.  
“Ben!” Mom calls out, but I can’t reply. I have to focus. Rey is concentrating too. “The waves are getting too high.”

Energy builds around us in the air, sparking off of our swords.   
A bolt of lightning lights up the sky, shooting down at Snoke, the sound deafening.  
Snoke cries out as the lighting hits him. He drops his red light saber.

“Ben!” Mom yells. I reach for the light saber just as a wave of water washes up, knocking me over and taking the light saber away from my grasp. The water disappears over the edge of the cliff, back into the ocean below. My heart grips tight as I see Mom being pulled over the edge with it.

“Mom!” I yell, reaching to pull her back with as much Force energy as I can extend out that far. I run to her, tumbling onto my knees on the slippery stone and grab her hand just before she falls into the dark waters below. Mom tries to yell something up to me but the storm rages too loudly around us for me to hear.

'Rey!' Mom says using the Force. 'Snoke threw her off the side of the cliff.'  
I pull her up over the edge then turn to look for Rey. The wind blows ice-cold rain in my face and I can’t see her anywhere. Snoke stands in the downpour, his shoulders heaving, the red sword is in his hand again. He smiles.

“Rey!” I yell.  
“Ben,” Mom grabs my arm, pointing towards the cliff’s edge on the other side. “Over there! She went over on that side. Forget Snoke. It’s not possible to defeat him. He’s too strong now.”

I run to look over the edge of the cliff where Mom was pointing and feel a blast of Force energy from behind me as Snoke pushes me forward. I fly out across the waters below, catching a glimpse of the Eagle flying in the rain. He's holding Rey in his claws, flapping his wings with effort as he lowers her onto a massive flat rock. I plunge into the freezing waters below, a tightness gripping my chest as I'm reminded of the last time I fell in the oceans of Ahch-To. Only this time I want to swim up, as fast as I can. I kick off my boots and unlatch my belt to remove my cloak. My air runs out fast. 

I grab my light saber at the last moment before the belt and cloak float down into the depths below. A wave throws me into the side of the rock cliff. Pain shoots through my shoulder as it hits hard against the rock. The wave retreats and I grab onto the roots of a lonely tree growing between a crack in the stone. I gulp in air before the next wave hits me, pushing me into the rock wall again. I pull myself up onto the tree’s trunk, using it to climb out of the water onto a rock ledge.

I see the bird sitting tall beside Rey, who is unmoving and laying on her side. Another wave comes, almost knocking me off my feet as the water rushes past, up to my knees. I have a better chance of force boosting myself towards the flat rock that Rey is on, than trying to swim to it. I look up but the top of the island isn’t visible through the fog and rain.

'Mom…'

There’s no response but I can’t help them both. I take the leap and the Eagle cries out. Waves splash below me as I jump. I hit the edge of the flat rock with a hard thump, knocking the wind out of me and almost sliding back down into the water. My foot catches a crack in the rock, giving me a foothold. I climb up, seconds before another wave comes up to wash me away.  
The great Eagle waits, watching me.

Thank you,' I look at the eagle but it makes no acknowledgement of me.  
I crawl to Rey and pull her into my lap. Her arms are limp and her head rolls to the side. I touch her cheek, turning her to face me. She’s cold to the touch and unnaturally pale.  
“Rey?” My heart races. I set my hand to her throat to check for a pulse.  
“No…” I take her wrist in my hand. Again there is no pulse. “Rey…. No….”

The waves have calmed down and the rain has stopped. The wind no longer blows. A stillness settles around me as though time itself has stopped. Rey’s heart too, has stopped.  
A red light catches my eye and I look up. Snoke is standing at the edge of the cliff with the red light saber, looking down at us and smiling.

Anger burns through me, so fierce, so full, so raw that my body trembles. I lower Rey down gently, my eyes still on Snoke.   
I’m going to kill him.  
I run to the rock’s edge and jump with an upward force blast so strong that I land right at the cliff’s edge where Snoke stands. The smirk on his face wavers for a second.  
“Tragic,” he says. “But I warned you that she would die if she came.”

My hand reaches out and the red sword flies from Snoke’s hand into mine. Revenge fuels the power of the Dark side to me, an anger so strong that even Snoke could not manifest such a hatred within himself.

I lunge forward, piercing Snoke through with the red sword, before he even has time to react. His eyes grow wide.  
“No…” he says. “You can’t kill me… I can’t die…”

“I warned you Snoke,” I growl from deep within my chest. “That you would die today.”

Snoke’s throat gurgles and he drops down, falling to the ground. A gust of wind moves his cloak as it lands on the rock, hollow, his form dissipated and gone, forever.

The red light saber retracts and spins on the rock surface before becoming still. I reach down and pick it up. So much power, so much death, all in one sword. With a loud shout I toss it into the ocean.

The Eagle cries out as the light saber splashes into the waters below.

I’m still alive. Snoke is dead and I’m still alive. I could have killed him long ago. He was lying this whole time that I would die too, if he died. And I believed him. For all I know he too believed his death would kill me. But it didn’t. I was no longer his after my cleansing in the waters of Ahch-To. I should have realized that.

The Eagle calls out again and this time I recognize the sound from the last time I felt this much despair.

'Rey…'

I look up. She’s there, in the Eagle, looking down on me from its eyes. I run to the cliff’s edge and jump, pushing off the water below to catapult myself forward to the flat rock where Rey’s body lies.  
The Eagle circles above us. I hurry to Rey and lift her into my arms.

'In the power of the Force, we have life, not death,'  
I repeat the mantra Luke taught me long ago.  
'With the Force we bring peace and balance and life…'  
I repeat the mantra and another voice joins mine in my thoughts. It’s Uncle Luke. I stop and listen to his words.

'As the Eagle flies  
The body of Rey lies  
Awaiting the return  
Of her soul, from the skies'

I look up and the Eagle spreads its wings wide then lifts its head.  
Rey gasps in my arms, sitting up suddenly and taking deep breaths. She's alive.

My chest aches and I lean my face down to the stone, then begin to cry.  
“Ben?” Rey says. Her hand rests on the back of my head and I hear the loud splash of the massive bird as it lands into the waters from the sky above, dead. Rey wraps her cold arms around me.

It’s finally over. Snoke is dead and Rey and I are free.


	71. After The Battle

“Standing in front of a group of people we don’t know, to tell them we’ve decided to love each other forever…” Rey sighs against my bare chest. “It just seems so unnecessary. It’s a personal decision we already made, that has nothing to do with them.”

I run my hand over her back, the silky feel of her night clothes not nearly as nice as I know her bare skin would feel to touch. I look out the window of Rey’s quarters at the stars outside. We’re on our way to Jakku, but not at warp speed. There’s no hurry to get anywhere now. Rey’s hand rests on my chest as she plays with the ring on her finger.

“My mom says that’s the way it’s done,” I tell her. “It’s not their decision, but it affects them too, so a public ceremony is appropriate.”  
“Hmm…” Rey runs little circles on my chest, as though thinking. My heart beats harder and I hope she doesn’t think anything of it. It’s so hard to keep secrets from her. I’ve avoided speaking thoughts to her using the Force for the past three days so she won’t find out what we’re planning as a surprise for her. If it works out, that is. While Finn and BB-8 were sneaking around Snoke’s ship looking for us, they overheard Snoke talking about the dark blue crystal planet. They found out Rey’s parents were enslaved there and BB-8 got the coordinates from the ship’s computer. Now Finn, Chewbacca and a small Away Team are out looking for the blue crystal planet. I don’t want to get Rey’s hopes up just yet. After almost twenty years on a planet like that I don’t even know if her parents are still alive.

“We don’t have to go to Jakku for the wedding,” Rey says. “There’s a nice gathering space on board.” Each time she speaks, her breath tickles my chest and I’m tempted to forget about waiting until the wedding night and just make love to her right now. But we both did some research on wedding traditions of our parents and found out that we should wait.

“Jakku’s your home,” I say to Rey, trying to distract myself from thoughts of her undressed and sitting on me like she did back on Yavin_4.  
“Wherever you are, is my home,” Rey says, snuggling up closer to me. “It just makes me feel sad when I think about how lonely I always was on Jakku. And now I'm heading back there.”

I hug her tight, turning onto my side so I can pull her even closer. She wraps a leg around me. I want to tell her all about our hope for finding her parents, but if I did she'd want to go with the Away Team. And she may only find their remains. I’d rather her not go through that. But if all goes as planned and Finn finds them, then the perfect place for us to be when Rey is reunited with her parents is on Jakku, the place where she'd waited for them for so long.

Rey pulls herself up, her soft breast pushing against my arm through her night clothes. “I still can’t believe we’ve really got nothing more to worry about than just what we’re going to wear to our wedding,” she whispers in my ear. Her breath sends warm shivers down my side.

“I’m going to need some time getting used to just being…” I try to think of the right word.  
“Common?” Rey offers.  
“Yes.”

She kisses my cheek and pushes me onto my back again, then climbs on top of me. I set my hands on her thighs. Nothing could ever feel so good as this moment does right now.  
“You could never just be common place, Kylo Ben Solo,” Rey says.  
I laugh at the combination of names. “Nor could you,” I say. “Rey Solo.”

She leans forward, kissing me gently on the lips. I slip my hands up from her thighs to beneath her night gown, feeling the warm soft skin of her waist, then the smooth side of her breasts. She moans softly against my lips.

The bleep of the door bell indicator stops me from reaching around to the front of her night gown and cupping her breasts. Rey sits up fast.  
“Who could that be so late?” She jumps off of me and I sigh.  
“Wait,” I say but it’s too late, she’s already at the door. It slides open and Finn stands on the other side.

“Finn!” she says. “What are you doing here?”  
“Uh…” Finn says, trying not to look at her night clothes but failing miserably. “Is Kylo, I mean Ben here? I have some good news for him about our… diplomatic mission.”  
“Oh,” Rey turns to look back at me, then to Finn again. “Really though, couldn’t it wait until morning?” She sounds annoyed and it makes me smile.

Finn nods. “Yes. Just let him know that we’re back and we were successful in our… negotiations.”  
“Okay.” Rey steps back to close the door. “We’ll see you at breakfast. I’m glad you’re back safe.”

Finn nods and the door slides closed.  
I swallow hard. Rey’s parents are alive… and they’re going to be at our wedding…


	72. Before The Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some Jakku fun facts from starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Jakku: 
> 
> ...Not all residents were scavengers however, with the isolated villagers of Tuanul worshiping the Church of the Force, an underground faith of Jedi worshipers hiding from first the Old Empire and then the growing First Order.  
> Nearby worlds to Jakku included Ponemah Terminal and Ogem.

"Your mom wants you to look over the guest list," Finn says to me over the hum of our desert speeders.  
"Why?" I ask. "I won't know anyone on it." I look ahead, across the hot desert. ."Are you sure this is where the Jedi worshippers are?" I stop my speeder and jump off. As I start to walk I notice that the sand drops down into canyons below. We're standing on a mesa, the southern Buttes of Jakku.

Finn stops his speeder too and gets off. He removes his head covering, looking a lot more overheated than I am. "I think your mom is hoping you won't recognize any of the names on the list, from the First Order at least," Finn says, pulling out his small port reader. "RSVP is through military identification passport codes only." He wipes his forehead. "News of your wedding is getting around fast and people are flying in from all over, wanting to attend."

I sigh. "I thought it was supposed to be a small event."  
"It is." Finn hands me the port reader. "Here's the short list."

I remove my head covering and glance at the names. "Looks fine to me." I hand Finn back his reader and take off my desert Robe to let my skin breathe. The jump down to the bottom of the Buttes is a bit far, but I can slow my fall using the Force. I turn to Finn.  
"I'll wait up here," he says, looking down.  
I nod and then jump, slowing my fall before I hit the bottom.

The air is instantly cooler in the shade of the mesa, and the ground is sticky like clay. The sound of trickling water bounces off the sand stone walls around me. I take a deep breath of air, there's no sand blowing here and it's quite refreshing. The skin on my arms feels tight with too much sun exposure and the cool air soothes it. Finn warned me to cover up this morning but it wasn't hot out when we started heading to the Southern regions to find the Jakku church of the Force. Mom asked us to come here and find a Jedi Master to preside at our ceremony.

"We've been expecting you." A man in a Jedi robe stands in the shadows watching me. He removes his hood revealing a head of silver grey hair. He reminds me of Dukath and I frown.  
"I came to ask for a Jedi Master that could preside at a wedding ceremony," I say.  
"We at the church of the Force don't seal marriages," the man replies.

I had already guessed as much, but mom wanted us to come, likely to keep us busy while her and Rey are away at Ogem, a neighbouring planet with a busy trading outpost that has fabrics and tents and other such things that Mom wanted for the wedding. Although none of that really matters, the trip is mostly to keep Rey away while her parents recuperate and regain their strength at the infirmary where they are being treated for prolonged exposure to the dark blue crystal. I haven't even seen them yet. Not that I've made an effort to. Snoke's words still haunt me from the grave, that I've spoiled Rey's heritage as a princess somehow, by just being who I am, or who I once was.

"Thank you for your time," I say to the Jedi Master. It was a full half-day's trip here and I'll request a shuttle to be sent for our return because I don't think Finn will make it back.  
"We will, however..." the Jedi Master says, "make an exception for the Keepers of the Peace."

I look at him. Is he talking about Rey and me? "I'm aware of the Jedi code forbidding two Force Sensitive-" I start to say.  
"In your case, the union has been written in the stars, for those who can see, to understand it. The one who destroys the Supreme Leader of the First Order and, the other who rises from death once the Dark Lord Snoke is destroyed, these two together will be the new Keepers of the Peace in the galaxy. I've seen the visions myself. Your great deeds proceed you and I am well aware of who you are Master Ben Solo.”

My shoulders relax as his words fill me with peace. "Then you will come?"  
The Jedi Master nods. "I will."  
"The wedding will be in a few days. We will send a shuttle-"  
"No need. I will start my pilgrimage to the celebration soon. I have waited long for this day. A privilege and an honour it is to me. You have fought great battles, faced great dangers and won victories both in the galaxy and within your own soul. You will continue to uphold the balance that is needed. You've proven your worth as a Jedi and a Lord worthy of the one who is soon to rise to her destiny."

I have no words to say. I can only stand there and watch the Jedi Master walk slowly away, back into the shadows from where he came.   
This is really going to happen. I've known for weeks but the reality of it is only now hitting me. Rey and I are going to be married, and we will also be the targets of many throughout the Galaxy including the First Order, but also the hope of many. In a few short days, I will be Rey's and she will be mine.

* * *

I loosen the collar of my uniform and peek out from the curtains of the Preparations Tent to the setup outside. The sun is already beginning to go down and it isn't the heat that is making me sweat, it's the thought of our wedding night tonight, as well as meeting Rey's parents for the first time, her seeing them again, the crowd of people out there, sitting beneath the flowing tents of silk fabric all dressed in the fine clothes of their cultures, watching us.

This would be easier if I was allowed to see Rey. I haven't seen her in over a week. When she returned I was told I couldn't see her until the wedding day. I'd been eagerly awaiting for her to get back so I could finally lay down with her in her quarters, if only just to remind myself that she really does love me, that I really did have the courage to touch her body not too long ago and she actually did want me to. Because after a week of her being away I'm beginning to doubt the reality of any of this. It all seems too good to be true, like I'll wake up and find out none of it has happened.

I grind my teeth and pace the small area inside the tent. An irrational fear grips me, Rey flying off with Finn on a small spacecraft, instead of going through with the wedding ceremony, having had a week away from me to clear her head and think about it and change her mind.

"Master T'hakud is finally here." Mom storms into the tent almost running into me. "Oh, Ben. Why are you standing right at the entrance?" She smiles. "You won't see Rey out there, not until everyone is in their places and seated. Are you ready?"  
"Where's Finn?" I ask.

"He's making sure everything is in order with the security fleet that's in orbit outside Jakku. Had I known you were going to ask him to be your Best Man I would have appointed someone else as the Commander of Security Operations."  
"No one else would have been more fitting for the title of Best Man, than Finn," I say. "He saved my life more than once."

Mom pats my arm. "You look wonderful Ben. And very nervous. Are you going to be alright?"  
I nod.  
"Do you have the ring?"  
I nod again.

Mom puts her arms around me and gives me a hug. She's even shorter than Rey and her hugs are so humbling.  
"I'm proud of you," she whispers. "And of Rey too, with all you've been through." She pulls away. "We traded a Combat Cloud Car and an old B-Wing Starfighter for a luxury shuttlecraft for you and Rey."  
"Why? We can stay on the Starship."

"This is for travelling," Mom says. "You two can go have a little time to enjoy being married, before Hux gathers his forces and shoots that damn Meth Star at some other planet, or who knows what else he'll think of next."  
"He's powerless without Snoke."  
"I wouldn't be so sure about that... But it's your wedding day and I hope you'll enjoy your union for as long as you have time away to enjoy it."

I close my eyes for a second, imagining the sheer wonder of spending even one entire day in bed relaxing with Rey.  
"She'll want to stay with her parents," I say, the image of us on a vacation island quickly slipping away.  
"Perhaps for a bit. But they will have to sleep at night and you can at least have the luxury of a comfortable spacecraft for a little privacy."  
"Thanks Mom."

A flute begins to play a lively melody outside the tent and my heart speeds up.  
"That's our cue!" Mom takes a hold of my arm. "Are you ready?"

I don't answer as she opens the tent curtain and we step out.


	73. A New Family

I look out over the crowd, not really seeing anyone, all I see is Rey. She’s wearing a flowing white gown with gold accents and yellow flowers on it, making her look like an extension of the rays of sunlight now setting on the horizon behind her. Her hair is pinned up with a few light curls hanging down around her face and her smile brighter than any sun could ever be.

BB-8 rolls down the aisle between the rows of chairs on either side, dropping small white petals of flowers onto the narrow purple carpet that runs towards the small platform I’m standing on with Finn, Master T'hakud and Mom.

Everyone stands and turns to face Rey. The flute player stops and the string instruments begin a new song, one that's both sad and happy in their sound. Rey walks forward, following after BB-8. She looks only at me. I know her parents are in the crowd, but she doesn’t. Mom said she would cry all of her sparkling make-up off if we announced her parent’s presence to her before the vows. I glance to the front Row. There’s no mistaking who Rey’s parents are. Her mother is beautiful, the very image of a queen. I can tell even by the way she stands, facing away from me now to watch Rey walk down the aisle, that she's just like Rey. Her father has bags under his eyes from all that they’ve been through, his shoulders slumped as he wipes at his eyes.

I look back to Rey, my eyes burning with tears as well. She simply smiles and glides down the aisle, aware only of me, tears glistening in her eyes. Her dad pulls her mom into an embrace as Rey passes by.

Finn hurries down the small platform to help BB-8 up. Once she’s on the platform she rolls to the other side to stand beside Mom. Finn returns to my side and Master T’hakud opens his arms to welcome Rey as she steps up to join me. The music stops and Rey turns to face me.

“Welcome guests and family,” Master T’hakud nods to Rey’s parents and my heart pounds. She shouldn't have to wait any longer. Her reunion with her parents is more important than my union with her right now, which can wait. I take Rey’s hands in mine. I need to tell her.  
“We are gathered here today,” Master T’hakud continues. “To witness the union of Ben Solo and Rey…” he pauses.

“Gowron,” Rey’s mother says. All heads turn to her. “Rey, Rita, Gowron.”  
Rey glances over as well. There is a moment of silence, the only sound that of the tent's gentle flapping in the breeze.

“… Mom?” Rey says in a small voice. Her tiny hands slip from mine as she turns. “Dad?” Rey’s shoulders shake and my chest tightens. I don’t think she can walk down to them.  
Her mom and dad step forward and I can tell they’re still weak as they try to go up onto the platform. I reach out my hand to steady them with my force energy, my vision blurred now with tears. 

They both open their arms to Rey and hug her. She lowers to her knees and they do too, all three of them hugging. I step back, wiping the tears from my eyes. The sound of Rey’s muffled sobs tear at my heart. Her mom lifts her tear streaked face, looking up at me. She reaches her hand out and I move in closer. She takes my hand and I feel her Force energy, strong even though her grasp is weak. She’s the one who passed her Force sensitivity down to Rey, just like my mom passed it down to me. She pulls on my hand and I get down on my knees too with them. Rey is sobbing but she senses me beside her and pulls me into their hug. Master T’hakud doesn’t have to say the vows for us to know that we’re a family now.


	74. Icing

A cheer erupts as Rey and I slice down into the large cake while holding the same knife. Her hand is over mine as she presses down, getting cake icing onto my finger. I smile. She did cry all her sparkly make-up away and now only glints of it remain, glistening on her cheeks and nose by the torch light. It’s dark outside now and we’ve dined and danced, mostly the guests, because I don’t dance. Rey spent a lot of time talking with her parents in private. But by the time we were preparing to cut the cake the medic insisted that Rey’s parents return to their resting, until tomorrow.

BB-8 rolls around us, recording the holographic images of us taking our first slice of cake.  
“I got icing on your finger,” Rey says as the crew’s chef takes over and begins to cut more pieces to distribute to the guests. We step back to give him room.

“It’s fine.” I lift my hand to lick the icing off but Rey takes my finger and puts it into her mouth instead, wrapping her lips around it. She licks the icing, a mischievous look in her eyes. A heat washes over me, growing hotter by the second.  
'We’re in public,' I say to her, gently pulling my hand away. I kiss her lips and send a bit of my arousal her way using our connection, that I still haven’t quite figured out. She lets out a tiny gasp and pulls away from me. Her cheeks flush.

“I don’t feel like eating cake,” she says, touching her cheek with her hand. She gives me that look and I know what she’s about to do.  
'Don’t do it Rey, don’t …'  
But she does it anyway and I feel her arousal wash over me. I moan, pulling her against me.  
“You don’t like the cake?” The chef asks, turning to us.

“We love it,” I say, then pick Rey up into my arms. I can’t stay here any longer or I’ll just embarrass myself. Rey squeals and pushes against me but I ignore her protests. “Thank you, again,” I say to the chef then walk around him, carrying my kicking bride.

“What are you doing?” Rey laughs as I hurry through the crowd. “I lost my fancy shoes, we have to go back and get them.”  
“You won’t be needing your shoes,” I say to her as I pick up the pace.  
“Where are you taking me?”

I walk past the musicians on the stage and the dancers. I can’t see Mom anywhere but I’m sure she’d understand if Rey and I left the party early.  
“What about the guests?” Rey says, looking back over my shoulder as I leave the torch lights behind us to walk out into the light of the moons on the desert sands.  
“You started it,” I say to Rey. “And now I’m going to finish it.”

She hugs my neck tight and shifts her small body in my arms so that her legs wrap around my waist. “Or I will,” she whispers in my ear and I almost drop her.  
'Stop... or I’ll never make it all the way to our shuttle,' I tell her.  
“It’s not windy out tonight,” Rey whispers against my neck.

My breathing is heavy now, not from carrying her or my hurried steps, but from the desire building up inside of me. The shuttle is a bit of a walk still. We were supposed to go there on the speeder that was decorated for us. But now I’ve made more than a bit of a distance between us and the party and I don’t want to return to get the speeder.

“There’s a small hill over there,” Rey says, pointing up ahead. I try to ignore the 'small hill' that we could so easily go behind…  
“We’ll walk to the shuttle. It will only take five or ten minutes,” I start to say.

'Come on Ben...' Rey tightens her legs around me and kisses me, her tongue searching for mine. I kiss her back for a moment then break away.  
“I’m taking you to the shuttle,” I say, aching to take her behind the hill to make love to her beneath the stars in the cool night air. But she’s a princess and a Royal, and she needs to be in a private place, where I can take my time and make love to her properly.

“We’re already far enough away from the party aren’t we?” she says.  
“Don’t tempt me.”  
“It’s our wedding night, I’m allowed to tempt you.”

I try to ignore her as we walk… almost there…  
“Ben?”  
“Yes?”  
“Thank you.”  
“For what?”  
“...I love you.”

Rey rests her head on my shoulder as I carry her like a little girl, the same little girl that looked up at these very stars above us right now each night, unable to sleep and imagining an ocean as she waited for her parents to come back. Now, she's grown into a beautiful woman, who I will never allow to feel lonely again.

"I love you too," I whisper to my beautiful bride.


	75. The End Is Where We Begin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please Note: This final chapter goes back to REY’S point of view :)

I, Rey Rita Gowron, having discovered that I am highly Force sensitive, of Royal blood and capable of murder as well as of falling in love - now reunited once again with my parents after twenty years, and having aided in the destruction of the most evil Supreme Leader of the First Order, Snoke, at which time I too died, in the waters of Ahch-To, only to rise again... am now back on Jakku, being carried in the arms of former Sith Lord Kylo Ren the grandson of the Dark Lord Darth Vader... Kylo Ren who is now better known as Ben Solo, though he will always be Kylo to me, the one who I first fell in love with on Yavin_4 even when he was on the Dark side, the very same Kylo who now carries me to our wedding chamber...  
It's enough to make any girl dizzy.

The door to the bed chamber slides open with a gentle hiss and we're greeted by the sweet smell of flowers coming from within. Kylo carries me across the doorway into a luxurious looking room lit with many tiny coloured lights that give off a dim glow like candlelight.

"Oh, it's beautiful!" I say, wiggling out of Kylo's arms. He sets me down and I skip over to the bed, which is covered in flower petals. "Oh no." I pick up a handful of the petals. "What happened to the flowers? Who destroyed them?"  
Kylo takes one from my hand. "I think it's for decoration."

I run my fingers over the soft petals, which are cool and smooth to the touch. "They would feel lovely to lay on..." I say softly.  
Kylo looks at me, his eyes glistening with what I imagine are images in his thoughts of me lying on the bed undressed, but I don't want to read his mind at the moment, or else things will escalate far too quickly. Besides, I'll soon be adding new images for him to store in his thoughts.

I walk to the small door leading into the bathroom area and it slides open. The inside is twice as large as standard ship quarters on board a first class vessel, with a bathtub that takes up most of the area, large enough for even Kylo to use. On the floor sits my clothes bag. I smile. They did deliver it for me as I'd asked. I turn and give Kylo a wink.  
"Give me a moment," I tell him. "I'm going to put on something a little more comfortable." I push the button for the door and it slides shut.

I get my bag and open it. At the top is the long sheer fabric scarf I got from Ogem. It's the same width and length as the scarf I wore with my scavenger clothes all the time, only this scarf is completely sheer and as light as the wind. It's not much to cover up with, but that's the whole point.

I slip my wedding gown off my shoulders and it falls in a heap on the floor. I quickly climb out of it, anxious to return to Kylo. I lay the dress on the side of the bathtub so it won't get wrecked.

My knees feel weak with nervous energy as I remove my undergarments. I'm hoping to make Kylo a little nervous with my surprise, but I'm the one who's blushing now.  
I catch a glimpse of myself in the full length mirror beside the metal sink. I don't recall ever seeing myself this way, fully reflected in a mirror, with no clothes on. The first thing I notice are the talon scars of the great Eagle on my shoulders, a tribute to the majestic bird's sacrifice the day I died on Ahch-To. My soul couldn't fully occupy his body unless he departed from it. He gave me a chance to remain there in spirit, in the skies of Ahch-To, until the Snoke's death was finally accomplished and I could return to my body. 

I touch the bumps that have now formed where the Eagle's talons cut into my shoulder. I hope they will never heal or disappear. I never want to forget the great Eagle of Ahch-To.   
My eyes travel down to my breasts and the ribs beneath them that show slightly through my skin. Am I too skinny? I look down to my thighs which are shapely from all the running and jumping I seem to do on a regular basis. Then I arch my back, turning to look at my bare bottom in the mirror.

There's a knock on the door and I jump. "Just a moment!" I say, grabbing the sheer fabric scarf.  
I set it over my shoulders and wrap it around me, the way I've done thousands of times with my scavenger clothes while growing up, except that this time I'm wearing nothing underneath. The sheer fabric glides smooth against my skin, caressing me in the most sensual way. I reach into my clothes bag for a belt then put it around my waist, setting the scarf in place to cover my breasts. Once it's lined up just right I secure the belt and glance in the mirror. The scarf is definitely sheer. The reflection in the mirror makes me blush. My heart races with the anticipation of Kylo's reaction.

"Rey..." he says, his voice muffled from behind the door. I take a final look at myself then walk over to the door and press the open button quickly, before I get too nervous and change my mind about the outfit. 

The door slides open, creating a small gust of air that blows my sheer scarf slightly, sending shivers through me. Kylo blinks, looking at me in surprise, his glance immediately traveling down to my breasts and resting there a moment, then to my belly and legs and back up again, his eyes caressing every inch of me. I step out of the bathroom and walk over to the bed, giving Kylo a glimpse of my bare bottom. When I turn around again he's still standing by the bathroom door. 

'Will you join me?' I hold out my arms to him. He comes over and gets down on one knee in front of me so that he is no longer towering over me but looking up into my eyes. I already want this night to last forever, and it's only just begun.

Kylo reaches his hand up behind me and slides his palm over my bare bottom beneath the scarf, then down my thigh to the back of my knee, tugging me gently forward to him. His head is at the same level as my chest and he lowers down further to gently kiss my leg which he's holding, then my hip bone, and my waist, moving up my side and until he's back up onto his knees again. His cheek brushes against my breast. I stand as still as I can, not wanting him to stop, yet I can't help but tremble at his light kisses. He stops to set aside the sheer fabric of the scarf, exposing my breast. His warm breath tickles my skin as he cups my breast in his hand to bring it to his lips. Suddenly the room spins and I lose my balance. Kylo catches me in his arms before I drop to the ground.

"Rey?" He frowns, looking concerned.  
"Is the shuttle moving?" I ask.  
"No."  
"I'm so dizzy..."  
Kylo's concerned look turns to a smug smile as he glances down at me. I know exactly what he's thinking.

"No," I say, sitting up. "It's not like that. I'm seriously dizzy... ouch!" A sharp pain hits my lower abdomen and I curl into a ball, hugging my knees and clenching my fists. "Ow, ow, ow."  
"What is it?" Kylo asks, sounding concerned again.  
"I don't know." I shut my eyes tight against the stabbing pain. Kylo lifts me up into his arms. "Let's get you dressed," he says. "I'm taking you to the infirmary."

* * *

"Nothing to be concerned about," the medic announces, coming back into the room with a smile on his face. Easy for him to say, he's not the one who had knife jabbing pains in the belly. But now I'm feeling fine and have no pain at all, so I don't see why the tests couldn't have waited until morning. My mom and dad stand on either side of me, when they really should be resting, and Kylo waits in the corner of the room, looking more worried than he needs to be. I sigh. It was nothing and I've made everyone worry for no reason.

"It's just as I thought" the medic continues. "Mrs. Rey Solo..."  
"Yes?" I say.  
"Congratulations, you are with child."

....

THE END

....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading ^_^ If you'd like to keep in contact with me and hear about future updates if I ever publish more novels (I've only got one published right now called The Virgin Diaries) you can follow me on Facebook at www.facebook.com/biancarowena 
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed my Star Wars fan fiction. This was my first one ever! Thanks to those who left comments and Kudos :) you guys are awesome
> 
> ... and may the Force be with you.


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